Not sober yet
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
Not sober yet
Every morning I tell myself....'tonight you will not drink, it is time to stop' but everyday as I drive home from work I head to the local shops and before I know it, I am home and having my first drink for the night, the first of many.
Weekends are different...it's the weekend....it's ok to drink on a weekend (I justify). I tell myself 'On monday I will not drink'......and come Monday the vicious cycle starts again. This cycle has been repeating itself for the past year or more. Before that I had my drinking under control, two a night and not every night and before that I rarely drank.
I am a long time sufferer of depression and anxiety, I am on medication for this but I also use alcohol as a way of turning down the volume on the anxiety and somewhere along the line it has become a neccessity in my life.
I have isolated myself from all but my children and my Sister. My Sister is aware of my struggles with alcohol. She is wonderful and doesn't judge.
Most days I am ashamed of my weakness and my inability to control my alcohol consumption. Most days I am hungover.
I guess that's why I'm here. I haven't reached out to any organisations as yet, working fulltime, being a Mum and having an addiction that I organise my life around, makes it difficult to attend appointments.
I want to make a change, I want to break this life destroying habit....but I don't know how to start. I am terrified of letting go and I am terrified of failure.
I know I am not alone in my struggles, but I am acutely aware that the only person who can solve this is me.
I hoping to gain some information on how to start and also hoping I have found a place where I can find support.
Weekends are different...it's the weekend....it's ok to drink on a weekend (I justify). I tell myself 'On monday I will not drink'......and come Monday the vicious cycle starts again. This cycle has been repeating itself for the past year or more. Before that I had my drinking under control, two a night and not every night and before that I rarely drank.
I am a long time sufferer of depression and anxiety, I am on medication for this but I also use alcohol as a way of turning down the volume on the anxiety and somewhere along the line it has become a neccessity in my life.
I have isolated myself from all but my children and my Sister. My Sister is aware of my struggles with alcohol. She is wonderful and doesn't judge.
Most days I am ashamed of my weakness and my inability to control my alcohol consumption. Most days I am hungover.
I guess that's why I'm here. I haven't reached out to any organisations as yet, working fulltime, being a Mum and having an addiction that I organise my life around, makes it difficult to attend appointments.
I want to make a change, I want to break this life destroying habit....but I don't know how to start. I am terrified of letting go and I am terrified of failure.
I know I am not alone in my struggles, but I am acutely aware that the only person who can solve this is me.
I hoping to gain some information on how to start and also hoping I have found a place where I can find support.
I Just Keep Coming Back
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 97
Welcome Scruffanie,
I'm only at day 3 after having varying degrees of sobriety over the last few years. I'm suffering from some terrible insomnia but wanted to reach out to you.
As far as starting, you just start. It's just that simple dear. What works for me at this early stage, instead of looking at it as a WHOLE day, I take it in increments. I also had to change certain habits-the way I come home from work, certain stores, etc.
Keep posting and keep reading. We are all in this together.
I'm only at day 3 after having varying degrees of sobriety over the last few years. I'm suffering from some terrible insomnia but wanted to reach out to you.
As far as starting, you just start. It's just that simple dear. What works for me at this early stage, instead of looking at it as a WHOLE day, I take it in increments. I also had to change certain habits-the way I come home from work, certain stores, etc.
Keep posting and keep reading. We are all in this together.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Scruffanie,
We hear you. My story was very similar to yours, long work days, little kids, daily drinking, numerous attempts to stop but nothing seemed to work, until I found this place almost 4 months ago.
The staring point for me was really making the decision to not have th first drink, which is the one that leads to all the others. The first few days were rough and a big struggle, detoxing is not nice, but once that was out of the way I have started focusing on becoming the person I want to be, which I am happy to say I am getting closer to everyday.
The key for me was putting together a recovery plan, focusing both on how to avoid alcohol and how to improve as a person. Initially the first point is by far the most important, but over time you start looking forward more and life truly gets better. Plenty of information about plans here on SR, I am not great with links on mobile site but I am sure someone will post it here soon.
By coming here you are already showing you made the decision to stop. The time to start is now, right at this second.
You can do this and we ll help you along the way.
Mr P
We hear you. My story was very similar to yours, long work days, little kids, daily drinking, numerous attempts to stop but nothing seemed to work, until I found this place almost 4 months ago.
The staring point for me was really making the decision to not have th first drink, which is the one that leads to all the others. The first few days were rough and a big struggle, detoxing is not nice, but once that was out of the way I have started focusing on becoming the person I want to be, which I am happy to say I am getting closer to everyday.
The key for me was putting together a recovery plan, focusing both on how to avoid alcohol and how to improve as a person. Initially the first point is by far the most important, but over time you start looking forward more and life truly gets better. Plenty of information about plans here on SR, I am not great with links on mobile site but I am sure someone will post it here soon.
By coming here you are already showing you made the decision to stop. The time to start is now, right at this second.
You can do this and we ll help you along the way.
Mr P
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 83
welcome and best wishes to you. I am new at this game (sobriety that is - I am an experienced drinker!) so not much advice to give. Except that to be sober, I do know to have to stop drinking and, medical / health matters permitting, you can start that any time. I wish you all the very best.
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
Thank you Mr P and emme99,
I haven chosen my 'start' day and it is this Saturday. No doubt I'll be on here Sat night reading all I can to get me through.
Well done Mr P, you are someone to be admired
Scruffanie
I haven chosen my 'start' day and it is this Saturday. No doubt I'll be on here Sat night reading all I can to get me through.
Well done Mr P, you are someone to be admired
Scruffanie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Scruffanie, an honest and perceptive share. With respect a 'start' date - is that a good idea? For me if I did that- I would drink as much as I could pour down my throat. The best time to stop is now- with medical supervision mind, because going cold turkey can be very unsafe- I had seizures, my son found me and I woke up in hospital. Make sure you remember the rule of to resolve these- Hungry Angry Lonely Tired and Sad. (HALTS). If your are these things- it is best to do something- eat, drink lots of water (offee dehydrates- so be careful), see a doctor for the withdrawls, perhaps also for anxiety/depression and a blood test to see if your ok- with vitamins and stuff. Avoid self medicating. Can you get to an AA or SMART meeting? I use both- ignore any negative stuff people say- just go and see what you think. Friendly and no pressure- just listen if you want. Stay safe- if you are feeling really hung over- or easily distracted- don't walk in front of a bus or drive. There are lots of confusing thoughts and feelings first off- normal Some stuff to think about . Keep posting now. Stop drinking- you have identified it and want to stop- so perhaps take action now.
Keep posting, my thoughts, prayers and support to you. SR is a wonderful safe and friendly community. PJ
Keep posting, my thoughts, prayers and support to you. SR is a wonderful safe and friendly community. PJ
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Thanks Scruffanie, I appreciate your kind words.
I am sorry but I'll have to agree with PJ. There is no possible justifiable reason not to start now. The "start date" thinking is the same mind frame that will try and trick you into drinking in the future, so the earlier you show who's the boss the better in my opinion.
Whatever you choose to do I wish you all the best with your recovery.
P
I am sorry but I'll have to agree with PJ. There is no possible justifiable reason not to start now. The "start date" thinking is the same mind frame that will try and trick you into drinking in the future, so the earlier you show who's the boss the better in my opinion.
Whatever you choose to do I wish you all the best with your recovery.
P
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
Thanks PJ and Mr P,
I have to go to a social gathering tomorrow evening, I don't know how to handle that situation so early on in my decision to stop drinking. To 'start now' I would need to attend this event and stay sober. Any suggestions on getting through this?
I plan to attend atleast one AA meeting, I will atleast then know if it is for me. Any help and support I can find will be a blessing.
I have spoken briefly to a Dr about my drinking and their advice was to cut down, admittedly I was not entirely honest about my inability to control my consumption. Thank you for the advice re. withdrawals, I will go back to the Dr and be honest this time.
I am scared but feeling the most positive I have felt in a long time simply for joining this group.
Thank you, you have already helped immensely.
Scruffanie
I have to go to a social gathering tomorrow evening, I don't know how to handle that situation so early on in my decision to stop drinking. To 'start now' I would need to attend this event and stay sober. Any suggestions on getting through this?
I plan to attend atleast one AA meeting, I will atleast then know if it is for me. Any help and support I can find will be a blessing.
I have spoken briefly to a Dr about my drinking and their advice was to cut down, admittedly I was not entirely honest about my inability to control my consumption. Thank you for the advice re. withdrawals, I will go back to the Dr and be honest this time.
I am scared but feeling the most positive I have felt in a long time simply for joining this group.
Thank you, you have already helped immensely.
Scruffanie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi,
You will probably hear from a lot of people here that you don't "have to" attend any events. I ve read about people that missed family weddings in order to keep track of their recovery.
In my personal opinion I think you can go and not drink. I had a music festival to go to on my day 3 which against advice I decided to attend. First hour was tricky but I kept checking in here, having soft drinks, and after a while it was all good. That was a gigantic boost for my early recovery, imagine how good you will be feeling on Saturday morning if right at the start of your recovery you have already tackled a tricky situation?
It is your call though, staying sober is more important than being there if that s what it comes down to.
P
You will probably hear from a lot of people here that you don't "have to" attend any events. I ve read about people that missed family weddings in order to keep track of their recovery.
In my personal opinion I think you can go and not drink. I had a music festival to go to on my day 3 which against advice I decided to attend. First hour was tricky but I kept checking in here, having soft drinks, and after a while it was all good. That was a gigantic boost for my early recovery, imagine how good you will be feeling on Saturday morning if right at the start of your recovery you have already tackled a tricky situation?
It is your call though, staying sober is more important than being there if that s what it comes down to.
P
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Go to the event early- tell the hosts you have to leave early because you have to be somewhere next day (or whatever). Say something like- I am not drinking because I am unwell (don't share your history). Get a soft drink in a glass- keep it half full so people do not offer you booze. Go with someone for support who you trust. Have an exit plan- book a taxi. Do not drink. Stay away from the bar. Make sure you eat. Watch others change as they drink. Remind yourself how you will feel in the morning. Take a personal device and post here. If you do not have to go- then do not. Your safety, sobriety health and well being are important. If someone offers you a drink and persists- don't get anxious, just politely say no thankyou. Don't feel obliged to explain- they don't care and don't need to know. That is your business. If it is too stressy- go home. Do not drink. Stay safe- do not go somewhere else afterwards.
Share, post, share again. Check in here b4 you go. Post during. Check in when you get home so you know you have SR support.
Prayers to you, PJ
Share, post, share again. Check in here b4 you go. Post during. Check in when you get home so you know you have SR support.
Prayers to you, PJ
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Wow.
Your words took me back.
Back to those awful days, swearing up and down I wouldn't drink that day. By 5 in the evening, auto-piloting myself to the liquor store for vodka. Drinking in isolated secret to blackout. Repeating the next day.
It accelerated so uncontrollably.....
That tipping point. Where was it???
But I woke up one day and did it differently. I got back on this forum. I got to AA. I began reading the Big Book. I got honest. I got active.
For almost three years I've been sober and life has gotten better and better.
Anxiety? Still there sometimes but now I know that like the weather it will pass. Now I can cope. And much of the time it's not there at all.
Turns out booze never really turned it down. That was a lie. Alcohol cranked it wayyyyyyy up.
You can do this.
Your words took me back.
Back to those awful days, swearing up and down I wouldn't drink that day. By 5 in the evening, auto-piloting myself to the liquor store for vodka. Drinking in isolated secret to blackout. Repeating the next day.
It accelerated so uncontrollably.....
That tipping point. Where was it???
But I woke up one day and did it differently. I got back on this forum. I got to AA. I began reading the Big Book. I got honest. I got active.
For almost three years I've been sober and life has gotten better and better.
Anxiety? Still there sometimes but now I know that like the weather it will pass. Now I can cope. And much of the time it's not there at all.
Turns out booze never really turned it down. That was a lie. Alcohol cranked it wayyyyyyy up.
You can do this.
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
My first real challenge will be to go to this social event, bbq at a friends house, and not bring alcohol with me. My second challenge will be to not accept an aacoholic drink at all. Third challenge? To not stop by a shop on my way home.
It's going to take a monumental amount of self talk but atleast now I have support I can take with me.
It's going to take a monumental amount of self talk but atleast now I have support I can take with me.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
Hi Scruffanie , welcome.
What you described is exactly what I went thru. The internal struggle every morning, giving in after work, drinking until bed, hangover, repeat. I tried many times to stop or cut back only find I'd rebound and drink more.... My quit day sorta chose me, and things clicked. It's never the perfect time to stop but I was glad to have a few weeks sober before my first event.
If/When you go, be prepared for questions and watch out for those that will pressure you. Are you going with someone? talk to them first and have an exit plan.
What you described is exactly what I went thru. The internal struggle every morning, giving in after work, drinking until bed, hangover, repeat. I tried many times to stop or cut back only find I'd rebound and drink more.... My quit day sorta chose me, and things clicked. It's never the perfect time to stop but I was glad to have a few weeks sober before my first event.
If/When you go, be prepared for questions and watch out for those that will pressure you. Are you going with someone? talk to them first and have an exit plan.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, Scruffanie!
Stay with us and keep reading and sharing and you'll find a lot of support and information on how to get off that elevator that only goes down.
Stay with us and keep reading and sharing and you'll find a lot of support and information on how to get off that elevator that only goes down.
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Welcome Scruffanie. If you decide you must attend this event, I suggest you find a non-alcoholic drink that you like and bring it with you. This eliminates the problem of trying to think of an alternative drink in that moment when offered something alcoholic. I like the fruity carbonated water drinks - they feel a little more adult than just pop (soda), especially if you pour them into a glass with lime wedges. Carbonated water (Perrier, San Palegreno, soda water) also works nicely with lime with the bonus of zero calories. If anyone questions you not drinking you can always say you are on meds (antibiotics). We've all been there - you've got this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Scruffanie 
I plan to attend atleast one AA meeting, I will atleast then know if it is for me.
Scruffanie
Scruffanie
im sure theres other decisions not quite as important that you've made that you gave more thought to.
how about reading the big book to find out what the program of AA is about? how about trying different meetings for 30 days?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Scruffanie
My first real challenge will be to go to this social event, bbq at a friends house, and not bring alcohol with me. My second challenge will be to not accept an aacoholic drink at all. Third challenge? To not stop by a shop on my way home.
It's going to take a monumental amount of self talk but atleast now I have support I can take with me.
It's going to take a monumental amount of self talk but atleast now I have support I can take with me.
Successful sobriety will require you to make some substantial changes in your life--where you go, what you do, and who you do those things with. Right now would be a great time to make the correct choice that supports our decision to get sober, not undermine it.
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