lostgf

I still have hard time to understand and still very hurt by my addict ex. I wanted nth but the best for him and just keep telling him i would be there when he need help.

We didn't see each other anymore just talked on the chat on and off after we broke up. he would always got irritating all of sudden for no reason and block me in whatsapp, then he would unblock me, then either of us will start chatting random topic but normally he will get angry again for little thing and called my name/block me again. That cycle go forever and this time after he finally told me to not contact him, i decided to block him too. However, i am still hurt. He always told me he has no real friend here etc, he wanted to quit. However, all people he hanging with now are those party one and he still friends with people he tried to avoid people and nice to them but mean to me.

Could any of addict give me the reason. I know I should not concern about him anymore, but I am still hurt.

PhoenixJ

Hello lostgf. I empathise for you. Addiction took my soul (alcoholic). Nothing else except alcohol mattered. Nothing. Even a person I had been married to for 30 years (going thru div, she gets all she asked for- too much damage, least I can do). You cannot change or control his behaviour. I would think if you linked up with the threads here that support family and friends of people with addictions (access via 'forums' above) would be of help. Also have you thought of going to an al-anon meeting? F2F group meetings that do the same sort of thing. Perhaps it is time to look at you- not his needs. It seems he has made it clear what his intentions are. You are only hurting yourself if he is ignoring you. Look after yourself, keep posting and stay safe. SR is a very supportive, safe community. My thoughts and prayers to you and your ex. PJ

january161992

hi lostgf welcome

doggonecarl

When I was actively using, I didn't want people around me who were harping on my drug abuse and pushing me to get clean. Pushed those people away.

No, you shouldn't. I can understand you being hurt. But the energy you are expending trying to understand why your addict did what he did will not be rewarded with answers that will satisfy you.

In fact, you may never know.

Count your blessings that you only had a few months of loving an addict. Don't give too much more of your time to a futile endeavor.

lostgf

Thanks everyone, I know what I need to do. However no one in real life seem to understand why I am still upset. I have decided I might never see him and talk to him again, but I know I try my best to want to be there to help. When you put your heart out and you realised that person will rather be nice to those that take advantage of him than me, it hurt.

Forward12

It can be frustrating that you mean well, but nothing is going to change until they make that choice themselves. Often times we get so absorbed in our addictions that nothing else in life matters, and getting in between us and the addiction will most times lead to a bad reaction and the person wanting to avoid you.
Honestly your best option is to simply move on in life.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that you will begin to start taking care of yourself. None of us know why your boyfriend acted the way he did. Not all addicts are the same. Your energy should be put into taking care of yourself and you might check out AlAnon in your area for support.

MelindaFlowers

When I was drinking heavily every night, I resented anything and anyone that got in the way of my drinking schedule. Period.

lostgf

Addict always hurt the one love them the most.

FLCamper

Well, of course. They can't really emotionally hurt someone who isn't emotionally attached to them.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It is a terrible feeling. But, it is a feeling that you can get past. My very best to you.

wpainterw

lostgf: Seems to me that the answer may well be that your boyfriend wants to drink and particularly that his AV wants him to drink. It's nice that you want to "take care" of him but the brute fact may be that by doing this you may be merely "enabling" and making it more difficult for him. To stop drinking he has to want to stop and start working on that himself. Others may "help" but they can't "fix" him unless he starts doing that himself.

W.

Soberandhealthy

Well I do that a lot blocking and deleting people. I do this mainly because I made myself very vulnerable when I drink and do and said things that mortifying me when I'm sober so I attemp to stop the chatting or texting with that particular person by blocking and deleting their numbers. I am not saying your ex do this for the same reasons but I'm sure its probably not about you or anything you had done. Addicts are very selfish and their life are very chaotic just try to move on and please do not think that this is about you