newhope01

I am in the same boat as you right now Secret. All my AV keeps telling me is to stay sober for just right now and then on Christmas I can let loose and drink all the champagne I want because it's Christmas after all ya know! Everyone else will be drinking, why can't I!?

It's also whispering to me that I am not an alcoholic and I can have one glass of wine or even just one beer. Hell, I had a close call grocery shopping last night and literally had to say, "NOPE!" outloud in front of others. Felt kind of embarrassed but not as embarrassed as if I broke down and bought the poison.

Just keep chatting with us here about it and know that you are not alone in this fight.

P.S. If you have any booze in your house, I'd pour it out now as it will help decrease the temptation.

thomas11

AV: "if you don't do this you'll regret it"

functioning brain: if you do this, you'll regret it.

Behappy1

Mine says the opposite. I have so much to do to get ready for the Holidays. Major trigger for me. Mine says just drink and get it all done, then you can relax sober during the Holidays. Da#$ AV! Great info in this thread. A powerful reminder of what we can awaken when we test the waters again. Thanks for your honesty Secret.

secretchord

AV: you weren't that bad. You have more problems now sober (anger, depression) than you did when you drank.

Me: ?

shortstop81

My AV earlier today: 'Ex-wife won't be home until late tonight...you can drink and no one would ever find out'.

Me: 'Yep, nope!'

Ariesagain

"Then why do I have three pages of posts in just the past year describing my struggles with giving up alcohol?"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...=7462058&pp=20

Anna

Secretchord, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Your AV laid in wait, and is now energized and ready to go. This disease of alcoholism is very diabolical and this is what you are going through. The way to get the voice to stop is just to get through it and know that you never have to do this again.

PhoenixJ

Thoughts and the way we feel and express those thoughts reveal themselves in lots of ways. Dreams, nightmares, crying, shouting at god (I'm very good at that one), getting agitated...
When I stopped drinking this year- my brain woke up and my body delighted in reminding me how pis.ed off it was by giving me the gifts of w/d, pain etc.
Brain rewire itself, body readjusts..it is natural. I now at least accept there will be waves of emotion that suddenly appear for no apparent reason. I know that the best thing for me to do is to sit quietly and wait for that wave to wash over so I can breath again. I know not to make decisions or act on those emotions when feeling charged up- be it happy, angry, sad- whatever.
I know the best thing to do is to remember HALTS(ad), calm down- and somehow get support. SR- even if it just reading. Posting my thoughts, feelings. emotions. Going to a meeting, talking to my sponsor- watch a movie- once again anything that works. Journalling, going for a walk, art- w/ever.
Cry if it comes along. Shout at god- do whatever you feel (but stay safe) and keep posting. Thoughts, prayers and support to you. PJ

Midwest1981

don't be embarrassed. this is a real thing you are fighting. keep posting.

tell your AV you underestimated it before and it won't happen again and to shut up.

PurpleKnight

Secret Chord, the main tools of alcoholism is to create confusion, throw us off our feet, make our foundations wobble and then start asking questions to through us off guard.

But don't let it, reenforce your plan, your foundation, and execute it to the letter, don't put up with alcohol saying otherwise, the plan has worked for 1 Year and it can work now, maybe double down on the support in your plan for the time being, but keep moving forward.

Addiction loves to play on chaos, the unknown, the intangibles, what we need to do is turn that on it's head and stick to what we know, our plan!!

You can do this, stick close to SR!!

Algorithm

Why are you embarrassed? There is a lot of support out there for the notion that the desire to drink is bad, and that it must somehow be removed in order to abstain, but few would suggest trying to remove one's libido in order to stay out of trouble.

You've inquired before as to why your desire to drink has not gone away, and I responded then that it may never completely go away.

Help me understand my alcohol problem...

You are equating success with the absence of desire, and failure with the presence of desire. This is a mistake, and this thing cunningly boasts of its own silence, in order to reinforce that idea. That is very likely how it obtained a foothold in your thinking.

There are certain subtle, almost diabolical variations of Addictive Voice, which I call the implicit AV, which can 'dupe' people:

1. I have no desire to drink.
2. I can't drink.
3. Drinking doesn't feel good anymore.

There are other variations, but those are the main ones that usually crop up. You can learn to recognize them rather easily, however, and you can learn how to live comfortably in the presence of desire, and your Addictive Voice.

Nowsthetime

Hi S!

Have you played the tape forward?

Remember that this will pass. This WILL pass.

Can you go for a walk?

Nonsensical

Guy at the grocery store: Your shirt is on fire.
(I look down and see that my shirt is NOT on fire.)
Me: ?

Should I respond to a known liar? Must I respond to a known liar?

firstymer

Hang in there secretchord. Stay strong.

Remember that, as powerful as the urge may be right now, if you grit your teeth and ride it out, it will pass. And over time, the urges will be less frequent and less severe.

Remember too H.A.L.T. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If you are experiencing any of those emotions, try to address them first. If you do, you will find that the urge to drink will subside.

Good luck. We are pulling for you.