secretchord

I just thought I'd update everyone. Im doing really good. Still confident in my sobriety. As some of you know, I had a year of sobriety and then drank on Friday. So yeah, all is good.

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 4 Secretchord!! Keep it going!!

Anna

Good job, Secretchord, and thanks for the update.

biminiblue

Good to hear!

Jtmlk

Keep going , im so pleased you quickly jumped back on the sobriety train

secretchord

Thanks. I know everyone thinks it was a bad idea, but I really do think it helped me.

Mattq2

Good for you secret chord!

Dee74

I'm genuinely curious...

How do you think it helped you?

What did you learn you didn't know before?

Do you think you've learned whatever you needed to learn now without having to test it again sometime in future?

D

secretchord

Hard to explain. I guess I feel like I know what I want now. If I have any temptation to do it again,the first thing I'll do is post here. I know it probably makes no sense to you. there is 0% of me that wants to repeat the other night. I have no desire anymore.

I've moved on from what happened, and want to focus on today and right now. What happened is done and over for me.

thomas11

Music to my ears!

PhoenixJ

Thoughts, prayers and support. Yep- next time share these thoughts. Much safer. PJ

ChloeRose63

Good job. Glad you are feeling fine and you sound positive. Love that attitude!

Dee74

I'm glad. I did wonder if maybe the AV drove you to test things the way I did.

I still think you went the hard (and dangerous) way to get there, but I'm glad you feel committed and at peace now

D

EndGameNYC

When you get to a place where you have to stop doing something or being with someone in order to save your life, or only to retain your sanity, then there's nothing left to be learned from it. No additional thinking or action is necessary. Neither the knowledge we have nor our best thinking will save us from all the harm we do to ourselves and to other people once we cross that line again.

The best thing you did was to stop right away. Three years of destructive behavior went by in a flash for me. People, opportunities, and things that I'll never recover, and people and things that may never fully heal, may never be the same again, myself included. But that's the way it goes for so many of us.

Although I'm continuing to set things right, it didn't have to be that way. One little experiment, one measly "break" from abstinence, or one last stab at moderation. We end up in hell, and we don't know how we got so bad so quickly. But we do know how we got there. Once we make that decision, and then act on it, our best thinking will never save us.

It can make you wanna die and, when it does, it won't come a moment to soon.

FreedomCA

Hi SC,
I can understand fully when you stated that your slip helped you. Prior to your slip, it seemed to me as if you still hadn't fully embraced your powerlessness over alcohol. This slip has further helped you feel and experience this powerlessness more fully, thus helping you accept that alcohol has absolutely no place in your life. Good for you and congrats on keeping it a slip and not a full blown relapse.

Gottalife

I had managed to string together 21 whole days dry before my last slip. I had been playing around with meetings, avoiding he real issues and set of on a four day bender, that was supposed to be a couple of beers.

While it was dangerous, it did help me enormously and I have not needed to drink since. It convinced me of the AA a,b,cs. a) that I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life, b) that probably no human power could relieve my alcoholism, and c) that God could and would, if he were sought.

Being finally convinced I was ready to take the action needed to bring about permanent recovery. I did and it has.

Algorithm

I won't venture to criticize you, and I really don't want to undermine your confidence, as I hope this has indeed brought you some closure. However, I must point out that "I have no desire to drink" is a variation on "drinking didn't feel good", which I touched upon in your original thread.

RE: Drinking again didn't feel good

Right now the memory of your latest drinking experience is fresh, but some day it may not be, and the desire to drink may resurface, as it recently did after a year of abstaining. There is nothing to fear from this, but you should be aware of this possibility.

I recommend making a final decision regarding alcohol that is not dependent on the absence of desire.

teaorcoffee

Glad you are in good shape SC. I think everyone does what they need to do to get through this. Happy your decision has worked out for you

ReadyAtLast

Glad to hear you're ok. I drank after 3.5 years sober. I should be celebrating 4 years sober tomorrow but I threw it all away. I only drank once back in June and said that's it but it crept up on me and here I am 6 months later only on day 6.

It's great you have no desire to drink now but don't underestimate the power of the desire in the coming weeks months etc. I have to have a plan in place for when that happens. once I'd drank in June it was easier to just do it again. I hope you don't make the same mistakes I've made

terall

Before I started AVRT, I did a lot of these "experiments" They were just an excuse to drink when the desire was there. It was justification to lapse. I hadn't moved securely into abstinence. The Beast of AVRT, was still in control, through the AV making justifications for drinking.