Ladyshipwreck

I have a couple of questions for people who have been sober for some time, who had similar drinking habits as me.

( I quit only a little over 2 weeks ago)
I didn't drink everyday and didn't always drink a lot when I did. There was no real method to the madness. Sometimes I'd be fine having one drink, other times I'd drink so much that I'd end up puking all the next day. It was not unusual for me to go a week or so without drinking, although it was usually a conscious decision to "keep myself in check" so to say.
Definitely an alcoholic, and I know if I continued it would get worse.
I've been drinking and getting drunk since I was 15 and I am 35.

I am wondering how much I will actually benefit from not drinking (aside no hangovers, avoiding alcohol related health problems)? Will it be small subtle changes? Or is it possible that this can improve my life a lot over time?

A lot of people who have quit drinking have hit a rock bottom, or were drinking every day, and they have obvious improvements. A lot of them early on. I'm hoping that I can look forward to some positive changes that might keep me motivated. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease and if I don't stop now it will get even worse.
The fact that I haven't hit rock bottom or wasn't drinking every day has made it easy for me in the past to deny to myself that I have a problem. Friends and family do not take it seriously, which is also hard.

Also, did you struggle with anxiety or anger when you quit? Is it possible that is happening with me as a result of quitting drinking even though I didn't drink most days of the week? This is still the longest I've gone in almost 3 yrs. But I don't know if it's related or not.

Thanks if anyone has any insight

Jtmlk

I had nearly six months sober earlier this year, life does get better and better- you respect yourself and like yourself a teeny bit more as each day passes.

PurpleKnight

The positive changes are not hitting that inevitable bottom, for me I could see the train speeding towards a crash and I also got off before it did.

There are also the not "puking all the next day" benefits, the time and days lost through hangovers, again something that for me was increasing as time went on.

I definitly also felt a lot of anxiety when I quit, I used alcohol to numb a lot of feelings and emotions away, and so adjusting to feeling reality again without alcohol was something that needed time, and in hindsight it is a healthier way to live life rather than escaping from it on a regular basis.

I think you're looking at things the wrong way, it's not about the positives or improvement in your life from where you were at prior to quitting, but the positive changes of where you may have ended up.

The sky is the limit in our potential, with the chains of alcohol finally lifted!!

HTown

I have 10 months. Drank very similar to you. I was very angry. I just learned to step back, say to myself "wow I am angry" and go on. I recommend excercise of some type, walking helped me. The anger has really diminished.

I have lost 35 pounds. I sleep great. I am not gulity. I am not ashamed. I like myself. I don't wake up criticizing myself anymore. I don't do negative self-talk. I save money. No hangovers is great, but they are not even the best thing. The best thing is I am proud of myself.

PhoenixJ

I am an alcoholic- period. I drank ,got very burnt and was clinically dead at least 3 times- period. If I drink -I die. The 'advantages' of not drinking, the 'pro's' as opposed to the cons? Using rational thought the answer is obvious- life, anything, everything. period.

thomas11

Good questions, I'll share my experience. I think I've covered the spectrum when it comes to drinking. Tried it all. Daily drinking, a couple serious benders, and weekend warrior. Before I quit I was weekend warrior status.

You will experience the obvious changes such as mental acuity, no guilt, no hangovers or physical symptoms, your health (such as BP, cholesterol, dehydration) will likely abate.

There is one benefit I can't describe for you and its the biggest one. I think its sometimes referred to as the miracle (I'm sure there are other words for it), but it is a feeling of liberation, freedom, serenity and calmness and can only be felt, not described. And when you achieve it, you'll know it. My 2 cents.

BrendaChenowyth

I believe many of us had similar drinking habits as you at some point in time. The path from first drink to rock bottom doesn't follow a linear downslope, if that makes any sense. lol It was erratic, we were all over the map. Remember, the rock bottom moment is not inevitable. People say you have to reach that point in order to get better. Please know there is nothing desirable or beneficial about drinking until you reach rock bottom.

Are you talking about improvements on a physical health level? You will feel better in general if you never touch alcohol. People who never consume alcohol are just healthier. They also function better mentally and emotionally.

You will experience these benefits, but how intensely you feel a difference is going to depend on how much you abused alcohol and for how long.

I was an alcoholic for ten years, but I had deep issues that went back to childhood, say age 5. I have not only eliminated a bad habit, and improved my health, cognitive function and emotional stability, I have changed life long self-defeating thinking patterns, changed everything about the way I see myself and live my life... Everything is different.

Everyone isn't going to experience that when they discontinue drinking.

I think it comes down to the reasons why we drink. A lot of us drank for years to numb the pain we carried around, we thought we couldn't bear it, so we avoided it. So for us quitting drinking is difficult because all that pain comes to the surface and we have to face it and it's awful and we go running back to alcohol.

If we can stick with it, we can work through that stuff and experience resolution and healing.. that's profound.. but not all drinkers do it for the same reasons. Some may just do it because life is stressful and drinking is the coping mechanism that they learned and it stuck.

And important first step, I think, is determining WHY we drink?

Ladyshipwreck

Thank you all very much . I feel encouraged by your responses.

I forgot to mention the reason behind my asking, and maybe you will understand where I am coming from more if I clarify. I truly do realize that the benefit of avoiding the inevitable dire outcome had I continued down that path should be enough. And right now it is. I just worry that if I don't experience any other kinds of positive changes in the future (namely mental, like hopefully lessened anxiety) that it will be easier for me to trick myself into thinking I am not an alcoholic. I want to be able to FEEL something that I can compare to where I was before and not want to go back. Hopefully that makes sense.

Now typing this I realize I am making the mistake of looking too far into the future. I will try to focus more on the day to day.

But thank you all so much. It really has given me some peace of mind and something to look forward to. I am not making expectations. I am having a positive outlook.



I am sure I have not experienced the miracle, but I have gotten a few glimpses and I understand what you are referring to. I have a sigh of relief sometimes that I no longer have to do calculations or the should I/shouldn't drink today debate.

Ladyshipwreck

I think the main reason I drink is to ease anxiety, and because I have social anxiety I have always used it as a crutch in social situations. When I started using alcohol at 15 it was like putting on a cape with super hero powers that turned me from shy, awkward, girl into super, awesome, fun chick.

I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist, I just have to work the nerve up.

Gottalife

To answer your last question first, fear, anger, resentment, discontent, restlessness etc are all part of early recovery for the real alcoholic. For an alcoholic, for the time being dry, as opposed to sober, these things are constant companions and often get worse as the time increases from the last drink. They can lead to such misery that the alcoholic will drink again, or worse.

These feelings arise from life and our reaction to it. There is something wrong in how we react, sensitive, feeling that we don't quite fit, etc. alcohol has been our solution to all that. Taking it away without an adequate alternative can be painful indeed..

Being sober, as opposed to being dry, has meant finding a way to change my reaction to life. I had to lose the selfishness, become tolerant, loving, understanding, honest, caring about my fellows. When that happened I found I actually did fit in, there was a place for me in the world.

Whether such a drastic change in outlook could be accomplished on one's own is some thing for each individual to discover. I couldn't even imagine being the type of person I am today, so I was unable to engineer such changes myself. Instead I took a leap of faith and worked a recovery program. That brought about the required changes and removed the need to drink. I now react differently to life, and my old solution is redundant.

For someone like me, being dry was not enough. Knowing what the problem is would be a huge help. If alcohol is the problem, then stopping drinking should fix it. If alcoholism is the problem, then stopping drinking will tend to bring it out.

BrendaChenowyth

Our feelings are not always reliable indicators of what is best for us. Our feelings are not always appropriate or true. When we make a choice in terms of what is best for us in the long run, we can't afford to allow our emotions to guide it. If we do that, we will end up falling off course.

An example of why we can't follow our feelings... my acquaintance who is a second grade teacher. She hates her job. Hates it. She remembers a time when she was a new teacher and would wake up before the alarm each morning, that is how excited she was to go to work every day. It wasn't even a job to her, she just loved it. Twenty years later, she hits snooze repeatedly and wants nothing more than to stay in bed. What do you think she actually does though? She gets up and she goes to work every single day, despite feeling very strongly that she would rather be anywhere else!

That is how to approach something as important as this, in my humble opinion. If I relied on feelings, I would just relapse, and I don't. When I have periods of diminishing returns, slow to no growth, frustration... I know I don't have the option to drink even if I want to. I can't rely on having a continual emotional buzz to keep me motivated.

My step brother sleeps in a recliner in the living room of the house he bought because it's absolutely unlivable, it doesn't even have running water, and he does nothing to improve it. It's been years. His answer when I ask him why he won't work on it when he knows it needs to be done? "Until I feel motivated to do it, I'm not going to do it." He wants a FEELING to happen to him, rather than ACTION to begin.

What should be motivating him? The vision of what he wants it to be when the work is through. Not how he FEELS when he looks at the state it is currently in.

BrendaChenowyth

This is so me. Everywhere I looked, especially on tv, I saw pretty young women having fun and getting boyfriends, and what were they all doing? Partying! Drinkin booze! Lettin it all hang out! Living!

So I did.. and I lived.. it just wasn't very meaningful.

We live in a society that tells us we need alcohol to lighten up and fit in with the crowd. And then we need to to destress, to have fun, to relax, to remember, to forget, to laugh, to cry, to sleep.. I'll just shut up lol

We don't really need it for anything.

I was the shy awkward girl too... but that was because I was bullied and outcast and I didn't like myself. I had to learn why that was.

You don't have to work up the nerve to make the call and schedule the appointment, just force yourself to go through the motions even if you are scared. Think about the outcome you want. You want to go to therapy and work on you. That's brave. Good on you.

GetSmart

I'll throw in my 2 cents, as a non-recovered, non sober alcoholic who basically had/has the same drinking habits you describe. I'm 52 now and need to quit drinking altogether. This became pretty clear years ago, but I've been unable to string together more than 2 weeks or so of sobriety at a time, skipping a weekend or 2. ok, maybe I got to 40 days twice in the last 2 years. My point is that it only gets harder as you age. There is a common suggestion offered here: if alcohol isn't a problem in your life, it shouldn't be that tough to give it up for, say, 90 days. Most of us find that we can't (until we finally admit there is a problem and begin working a program, of course). I've never been a daily drinker (other than the 4 day Thursday-Sunday bender that I've had more than my fair share of), but it is abundantly clear that I'm an alcoholic. Don't even drink because of social anxiety or depression, I just drink because something in me says "I like this." It is my addictive voice (AV), and (s)he and I are in a death match. Round 27 or so bell just rang, and I've got the upper hand for the moment. Anyway, don't want to highjack your thread; just giving encouragement. If you browse enough around the site you'll see it is a pretty common manifestation in the early stages of the malady not to be a daily drinker or not to have hit a rock bottom--yet. What is common is the inability to moderate, to drink like a "normal" person, to not know when we will lose control of that brake pedal, because we never really have that control. Occasionally lucky circumstances will have us succeed in moderation, but it really is an illusion, an illusion shattered the very next time we drink to excess, then regret, then forget that regret. a crappy cycle really. I'm inspired by those on this site who bear witness to there being another way (big hug and thanks to them here).