Bananas44

If yes, do you tell everyone, or just close people? If no, how do you field the questions about why you arent drinking?

I drank because of anxiety mostly and family gatherings at my husbands side gives me anxiety. The questions about why im not drinking are already making me nervous and we havent even gone for a visit yet!

leasha24

I was so nervous at the beginning of my sobriety and just as anxious as you. At first I told people I quit drinking due to wanting to lose some extra weight and get my marathon time down (which was part of the truth). Slowly I started to tell people I quit for good and the response I got was that of support. Something I wrote about my sobriety was recently published on a ragnar blog and I shared it on my Facebook. Was very nervous to share it publicly but the response I got from family and friends of support, encouragement, and love was overwhelming. Posting on social media about my sobriety made it an easy way for my family and friends to know about my alcoholism and that way they don't question me about not drinking and respect my sobriety.

Overall just do what feels right for you at the time. As you become more and more comfortable with the fact that you're an alcoholic it will be easier to tell others.

Link to the article if you're interested in reading
https://www.runragnar.com/ragnar-road-blog/2016/10/celebrating-sobriety-with-reebok-ragnar-napa/

OldTomato

Yes. No issues with those who saw me during my active drinking years. Others sway me quite easily, even though I've explained the situation to them. Need to work on that one. Most people are very understanding though.

MelindaFlowers

I waited until about six months sober to tell a soul.

Then only very close friends and a few family member.

Acquaintances? No. coworkers? No.

They just know me as a non-drinker.

Delilah1

I have told close friends and family. When out at work functions or other events I have responded with I no longer drink for health reasons. I have dealt with some health issues over the past two years, unrelated to alcohol, It focusing on a healthy me just makes sense.

ReadyAtLast

No. I drank because of nervousness and anxiety. I don't want to be the talking point and central focus as to why I'm not drinking. Truthfully most people really don't notice or bother. No one would have believed me Anyway. The results will speak for themselves. I don't put myself in situations where my anxiety is so high I want to Drink. It's OK to say no to invites.

MythOfSisyphus

I don't lead with it when I introduce myself to people. But I don't hide it at all. I don't use the term 'alcoholic' because it's not important or meaningful to define or label it. I tell people I'd reached the point where I felt I had to stop, which is exactly the truth.

FreedomCA

I tell my family and close friends that I am a recovering alcoholic. I simply tell other people that I don't drink. If they persist and ask me why, I also am open about being in recovery, although very rarely do people persist in asking me why.

waywardson8260

Generally no I don't bring it up unless someone asks. Someone asked me what kind of beer I liked recently and I responded with a I haven't had a beer in well over a year! I got a funny look and end of conservation. Some people just don't get it I guess.

Aellyce

This question comes up quite regularly here on SR, meaning that you are not the only one concerned. I have told my husband, a couple close friends (without gory details) and mental health professionals about my drinking problem and sobriety. I don't see why to get anyone else involved. It is generally quite easy to deal with being a non-drinker and there are many non-alcoholics who never drink. I just say I don't drink and people rarely care about anything more. If they knew me as a drinker and are curious, I just say I don't like it anymore. I did find over time that I stop getting invitations for events that are centered around drinking but that's only for my benefit.

shortstop81

My family and close friends know, so it goes without saying that I never get questioned on it. I have told a few co-workers that I'm close with, because I trust them and because it's nothing I should feel ashamed about.

I guess I don't get put in social situations that often where I have to decline alcohol. Most events with alcohol are with family or people who already know. I have a work social function that I'm going to this Friday, and I don't think anyone will bat an eye if I drink Perrier instead of beer. 'I don't drink' or 'I'm driving' are short, sweet & accurate if asked. No one really cares.

dwtbd

As Aellyce notes , that question comes up very frequently meaning it is a fairly common concern around 'here', and so too is the most common answer from 'us' is that overall it isn't as big of deal as it 'feels'. Most people in the world aren't really concerned about knowing how or what others' relationship with alcohol consumption is. And any idea that choosing to not consume alcohol is somehow in any circumstance a negative , is pure AV.
I don't tell people I'm a nonpolevaulter, and not just because it isn't any of their business

August252015

Generally, yes in some form. Different answers for different folks or audiences.

My family was involved in my terror and destruction to pretty much the full extent so they obviously know. that poses a big problem for me in that my mom feels free to share as she wants. Her judgment and discretion on this has caused problems as i do not feel my anonymity is protected nor the message mine here.

I am fortunate at work that my boss is also an alcoholic- sober almost ten years, a manager is a close friend and knows a lot of my journey esp in recovery, another mgr is younger than me in his (I am 9mo plus)...I work in a restaurant so drinking comes up a lot. Some people saw my last and most awful drinking days last year and know I am in recovery, others just know I do not drink (maybe know I used to) and others I don't know what they know. All of it is fine and I am ok handling the topic in any form it comes up. In some cas es, like with the one manager, I can be of some service when he comes to talk to me.

Outside work, i do not have a single friend whom I see regularly or talk to often who does not know. I have gradually told people and no unsupportive people have appeared or reappeared in my life and I have zero contact with former drinking friends. There is even one to whom I may not make amends because I do not want to reintroduce him to my life in any way.

As my first sponsor says it is always our business to tell or not. Bottom line, my sobriety is more important than what anyone thinks and I believe I can be of best service if people do know in more and more circles.

Nonsensical

Keep a glass of ginger ale in your hand the whole time. Nobody ever asks me if I want a drink if I already have one.

The day after a party my AV is always worse than at the party. You did good last night - you deserve a reward. Like most things, I learned the hard way that it's just another lie.

Have fun!

LeeJane

No. I mix with an entirely different crowd of people these days. So it doesn't come up. They don't drink just because they don't. My friends now are coffee or tea drinkers.

Much easier.

Bananas44

Thanks for your insight, everyone. As always, your advice is so helpful. As for my husbands family, I have a feeling they are going to ask me if I am pregnant and that is why I'm not drinking. That's another sensitive subject. I'M hoping we just dont stay long on christmas

sg1970

Don't worry about it too much. They may not even ask. If they do just give them an answer you are comfortable with (without lying of course ).

As far as deep conversations on recovery, as many others have said, I'm selective.

Happy Holidays!!!

Anna

Bananas, remember that you don't have to respond to awkward and inappropriate questions like 'Why aren't you drinking?' and 'Are you pregnant?" You don't owe people an explanation. I don't talk about my recovery outside of SR because that's what works for me.

NewLeaf

Bananas, my first sober day was October 20 and I still have some anxiety about this but so far it has been a positive experience when it comes up.

The only negative experience I've had is with my coworkers that I used to drink with regularly. Knowing that I've quit, they still constantly ask if I want a drink and joke that I haven't had my last one. It really bothers me, but after I turn down the third offer or so they give up. The office Christmas party is coming up and I will leave promptly after dinner if they are not done with their nagging by then. It's just unfortunate because being social and staying for after work meetings is a big part of being in my boss's good graces. I truly hope they stop before long or I will have to find another job where I am respected for my personal choices.

Anyway, all others have been supportive though only a handful of people know. I haven't been to a party yet so I don't know how that will go but I will have some sober time under my belt by the next one and at the encouragement of those in this group will feel no obligation to stay if I am uncomfortable in any way.

Telling people you have quit for your health is in no way a lie, and anybody who doesn't respect your health should not be in your life. It's just that simple.

I hope you have the happiest of holidays!

Bananas44

You're so right. My husband knows, and I hope he can field some of the questions. Although he doesn't know the extent of the problem, I would never share the worst of it with anyone besides here. I truly feel like I am exploring a whole new world without alcohol and I am going to try to quit worrying and take it a day at a time.