In recovery living with a drinker...perspective please!?
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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In recovery living with a drinker...perspective please!?
I have been sober for 4.5 years and living with a drinker. She drinks 3-5 times a week with her friends and also when we go out. Her tolerance for alcohol it's pretty low and after 3 drinks we can no longer hold or maintain any kind of normal interaction or conversation, in other words, she's drunk. I am struggling with this very hard. It is very upsetting that she doesn't see my struggle or even recognizes my situation. We have tried to set some guidelines to no avail. We have made zero progress. I love her very much and it hurts me to even think of quitting the relationship but I get extremely upset when she becomes belligerent and renders our interaction useless, Not to mention the strong reminder of what booze smells like and it's effects on a person. Anyone with any experience? I'd welcome a word of advice. Thank you folks.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
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I think you may need to ask her if she would quit drinking to save your relationship. I'm single, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I wouldn't be able to remain.
Also, if there is no change in sight, I would have to ask myself what the point would be to remain. You could be here in a years time, struggling with the same situation.
Also, if there is no change in sight, I would have to ask myself what the point would be to remain. You could be here in a years time, struggling with the same situation.
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I assume you've talked to her about how her drinking makes you feel. So, it sounds like you have to make a decision at this point. You can continue and nothing will change, or you can move on. You might try AlAnon in your area as a support for yourself. Congratulations on your recovery!
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Manolin, after 29 years of marriage I quit drinking though my husband did not. After several months of my sobriety and him cutting back, he is now trying himself to live as a non-drinker. My reasons were for health and Ialways celebrated openly my improved liver tests and happiness with feeling good in the morning. There were nights when his over drinking was obnoxious and I kept silent until he was sober and I told him of my feelings of....um, disgust. We are not argumentative by nature but his repeating of stories and sloppiness was annoying at best. So I told him about that when he was not drinking, I said it once and did not give an ultimatums because I realize you cannot change anyone and frankly I really hoped it would work out the way it did. He's trying, so far successfully.
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Originally Posted by manolin 
I have been sober for 4.5 years and living with a drinker. She drinks 3-5 times a week with her friends and also when we go out. Her tolerance for alcohol it's pretty low and after 3 drinks we can no longer hold or maintain any kind of normal interaction or conversation, in other words, she's drunk. I am struggling with this very hard. It is very upsetting that she doesn't see my struggle or even recognizes my situation. We have tried to set some guidelines to no avail. We have made zero progress. I love her very much and it hurts me to even think of quitting the relationship but I get extremely upset when she becomes belligerent and renders our interaction useless, Not to mention the strong reminder of what booze smells like and it's effects on a person. Anyone with any experience? I'd welcome a word of advice. Thank you folks.
My wife and I have been together for 22 years and we were pretty much drunk everyday. I quit 41 days ago but my wife continues to get loaded everyday.
As I type this she is in the other room drinking vodka and getting wasted.
She will not quit; she says she enjoys it and just because I quit that doesn't mean she has to. I just hold me tongue.
In 2013 I quit drinking for 4 months and at that time I tried to control her drinking and it almost led to a divorce. As sick as it sounds, I actually went back to drinking everyday to save my marriage.
Well this time around I am staying sober no matter what it takes. After 27+ years of daily drinking I am mentally and physically worn out from alcohol abuse. I cannot live anymore with the anxiety, panic and depression that alcohol gives me.
I am not happy living like this but it is all I have right now.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Doesn't it come down to this? Alcoholism can and probably will kill a person eventually. If you and/or your spouse continue to drink one or both of you is likely to die. Can you survive year after year with your spouse drinking? How might you react to your spouse's death? Only you can decide these things. Our concerns to you and total support. Every good wish.
Bill
Bill
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I left my husband 2 years after getting sober. whilst he wasn't a drunk or belligerent the sheer futility and boredom of watching him wasting his life/our lives drinking every single night was too much for me. I wanted more from life. Our marriage ended. i'm sure if I'd stayed drinking I'd still be with him.
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Location: here, now.
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At the end of my street there's some kind of a business, I think it's some kind of physical therapy place or something. Anyway they have a sign outside. The slogan slays me, which says something because I drive by it at least twice a day. I never get tired of it. It says:
"This is not your practice life."
In Gratitude
B
"This is not your practice life."
In Gratitude
B
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I've been with my partner for almost 25 years. He still drinks to excess every night of the weekend. I deal with this by ensuring that I have my own plans those days / nights and stay out of his way when he's drunk, because he's infuriating and a bore when intoxicated. Not much I can do about the alcohol smell, but thankfully most nights he gets drunk he'll fall asleep on the sofa (lol to think I used to wake him up and help him get to bed - what a fool!!) My sober friends at and from AA are invaluable to me at weekends.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by Anna
I assume you've talked to her about how her drinking makes you feel. So, it sounds like you have to make a decision at this point. You can continue and nothing will change, or you can move on. You might try AlAnon in your area as a support for yourself. Congratulations on your recovery!
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by Berrybean
I've been with my partner for almost 25 years. He still drinks to excess every night of the weekend. I deal with this by ensuring that I have my own plans those days / nights and stay out of his way when he's drunk, because he's infuriating and a bore when intoxicated. Not much I can do about the alcohol smell, but thankfully most nights he gets drunk he'll fall asleep on the sofa (lol to think I used to wake him up and help him get to bed - what a fool!!) My sober friends at and from AA are invaluable to me at weekends.
Love!
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by bexxed
at the end of my street there's some kind of a business, i think it's some kind of physical therapy place or something. Anyway they have a sign outside. The slogan slays me, which says something because i drive by it at least twice a day. I never get tired of it. It says:
"this is not your practice life."
in gratitude
b
"this is not your practice life."
in gratitude
b
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I left my husband 2 years after getting sober. whilst he wasn't a drunk or belligerent the sheer futility and boredom of watching him wasting his life/our lives drinking every single night was too much for me. I wanted more from life. Our marriage ended. i'm sure if I'd stayed drinking I'd still be with him.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Doug39
I could have wrote this post.
My wife and I have been together for 22 years and we were pretty much drunk everyday. I quit 41 days ago but my wife continues to get loaded everyday.
As I type this she is in the other room drinking vodka and getting wasted.
She will not quit; she says she enjoys it and just because I quit that doesn't mean she has to. I just hold me tongue.
In 2013 I quit drinking for 4 months and at that time I tried to control her drinking and it almost led to a divorce. As sick as it sounds, I actually went back to drinking everyday to save my marriage.
Well this time around I am staying sober no matter what it takes. After 27+ years of daily drinking I am mentally and physically worn out from alcohol abuse. I cannot live anymore with the anxiety, panic and depression that alcohol gives me.
I am not happy living like this but it is all I have right now.
My wife and I have been together for 22 years and we were pretty much drunk everyday. I quit 41 days ago but my wife continues to get loaded everyday.
As I type this she is in the other room drinking vodka and getting wasted.
She will not quit; she says she enjoys it and just because I quit that doesn't mean she has to. I just hold me tongue.
In 2013 I quit drinking for 4 months and at that time I tried to control her drinking and it almost led to a divorce. As sick as it sounds, I actually went back to drinking everyday to save my marriage.
Well this time around I am staying sober no matter what it takes. After 27+ years of daily drinking I am mentally and physically worn out from alcohol abuse. I cannot live anymore with the anxiety, panic and depression that alcohol gives me.
I am not happy living like this but it is all I have right now.
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