AllenaD1970

Hello. I stumbled upon this site while seeking non-religious support forums for alcoholics. After this past weekend I have come to realize that I am, in fact, an alcoholic. How could I have been in such denial for so many years? I do not drink every day. In fact, I only drink maybe a couple of times a month. No big deal, I tell myself. It's not like I need a drink to get through my daily routine. Not at all. My problem is that when I do drink, it is very rare that I know my limit and stop there. As what happened Friday night. I won't go into boring details about how I was at a memorial for a classmate of mine who died of cancer. You see, it doesn't matter the reason I am drinking. I could be out listening to a live band, or at a wedding reception. I go from 0-60 in .02 seconds with zero regard of the possible outcome. And I am very ashamed to say that I give no second thought to climbing behind the wheel to get myself home. So after passing out in my vehicle for at least 2 hours, I decided I was okay to drive home Friday night. Luck was on my side yet again, thankfully. But not when it came to my home life. My boyfriend of a year and a half is moving out. He went out looking for me Friday night, worried and concerned as my phone kept going off, falling on deaf, passed out ears. If this was the first of maybe second time this has happened, he may be a little more understanding and forgiving. But unfortunately, it happens more than that. I am not a bad person. I help others, hold down a full time job, pay my mortgage and am raising two daughters who are in National Honor Society. I just have this one problem that will be the ruin of me. And I am not sure that I am strong enough when in a social setting to turn down the offer of alcohol. That is why I have sought help on this site. Maybe to gain a bit of advice for this new, sober chapter of my life. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

FreedomCA

Glad to know that you are reaching out for support. You can stop before something really bad happens.

Rabbitgirl

This sounds like me, I didn't think that I was an alcoholic either. A voice in my head is still trying to tell me I'm not, which is rediculous. What do we do? Aa meetings, are those for us? Read the big book? I just don't know where to start

Mattq2

Glad you found the site,
Well I had to remove myself completely from any type of social function for the first few months to stay sober. Then when I thought I was ready I attended a gathering but I spent days preparing every possible scenario out in my head so I would be prepared. It was like I was planning a military maneuver or something. Most importantly at least in the first several weeks every minute of everyday has to be you taking care of you andyour sobriety. Live minute by minute if you have too and if you want it bad enough you will succeed. Your children need you. Not being mean but what if they had an emergency while your where passed out? I'm not judging you at all but those are the kinds of thoughts you need to keep in the front of your mind to stay sober. We are all here for you

Anna

Hi AllenaD,

I'm glad you found us.

Denial is a huge part of alcoholism, so it's good that you are now aware that you need to make changes in your life. My suggestion is to plan ahead for times when you would normally be drinking. It's often necessary to make changes in people and places in our lives in order to maintain our sobriety. Coming here to SR is always a good idea for support.

AllenaD1970

Thank you

AllenaD1970

No, AA is definitely not for me. There is a local AA, but I fear I would not be as open as I would be for fear of being judged. But we have made the first step. Recognizing that we have a problem and seeking help. Good luck to you, Rabbitgirl.

AllenaD1970

Mattq2....I was thinking along those very lines. Remove myself from social functions as long as it takes to feel comfortable with just having a water or soda in my hand. Thank you for your response. I did not think you were judging or being mean. I love my girls and would be devastated if I were to bring any harm to them. This is my motivation and I will do my very best to succeed.

entropy1964

Welcome Allena.

AllenaD1970

Thank you.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Allena!

Congratulations for seeking a sober life! It takes some work, especially if you are not going to AA meetings. I hope you read and post here a LOT! Here are some good threads to join:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-thread-4.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6230959

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum AllenaD!

Dee74

Welcome aboard AllenaD1970

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