Algorithm

I've read through this thread, and I'm with the hard liners as far as not needing to test the water goes, and intolerance for AV in general. I will give you a lot of credit for calling this what it is, though, and for not saying that you had a 'relapse' which 'just happened', as people often do.

I hope for your sake that this is the last time, however, because as biminiblue pointed out, this doesn't always play out as an instant disaster. It can be rather subtle and insidious in gathering steam before the next crash and burn, often with devastating results.

I feel compelled to point out the implicit Addictive Voice in your post, however, since no one else has done so. What I am reading here is that you are disappointed that drinking didn't have the effect that you expected, but that if your planned drinks had felt wonderful, that you would actually keep on drinking.

In other words, you didn't keep drinking because it didn't feel good. This kind of thinking may sound nice to the untrained ear, but it is actually quite insidious, because even if it didn't feel good this time, all your AV has to do is to convince you that it might feel good at some point, and that you just need to try it once again.

So, I will ask the obvious:

What if drinking did feel good? What would you do then?

Would you keep on drinking?

Zebra1275

After a year of sobriety, drinking one day, and then saying you are going to be sober from now on, is unrealistic. You can't predict the future, and you are fooling yourself if you think you can. That's how denial works.

I did that. After 5 1/2 years of sobriety, I thought I could have a beer with my steak dinner in a nice restaurant. I found out I could. Then a couple of weeks later, I did it again. And before I knew it, I was back in alcohol's clutches, drinking for 3 days, staying sober for a week or two, then drinking again. It took me a year of on and off struggling to get sober again.

I've been sober 7 years now. If I drank tonight and told my wife tomorrow, that's it, it was just a 1 day experiment, she wouldn't believe me or trust me.

And frankly, I wouldn't trust me either. You drank and nothing really bad happened. That's actually a problem. You didn't get a DUI, you didn't get divorced or lose your job or have your liver give out. Therefore, your AV is probably waiting to say "See drinking's not so bad. Maybe you can handle it after all. Maybe you can experiment again over the Christmas Holidays when when have some time off."

Don't get caught in that trap. Whatever you were doing in your program to stay sober for a year, you need to ramp it up. You were planning on a night of drinking for a few weeks, that was a warning sign.

secretchord

I probably would keep drinking.

Interesting points. Thought provoking. Thank you.

Algorithm

Being forewarned is being forearmed. Consider closing that loophole.

Soberandhealthy

I wish I could put a year together I will never forget through it away to test the waters you sound like what they described as AV ummm I would never be so arrogant to test the waters this is killing me and will probably never make it. Peace to you and your decision

ChiefBromden

Not meant as judgement, but as an argument against trying this - no matter how hard you think you need to do this: doing an Amy Winehouse. After one year (in her case, 8 months) of abstinence from alcohol, your brain and body have done a lot of healing. Which also means tolerance has gone down considerably. Because of this, that first relapse may lead to alcohol poisoning, which can be lethal. Sure, this does not happen every time, just like a cold turkey doesn't kill you every time, but the risk is very real.

Mrs. Winehouse could have made the exact same post if she had come out alive. Something for all of us to think about.

The other obvious question I had has just been asked: what if you had enjoyed it. Indeed.

Please stay vigilant, especially in the coming weeks.

Soberandhealthy

Yes this is not a thing to play with is life or death a disease of the soul

wpainterw

There once was a man who loved a tiger. But his tiger turned pretty mean and clawed him up a bit. Although he loved his tiger he decided he'd better give it up and so he released it into the forest. A year or so later he was going through the forest and suddenly he got a funny feeling. His tiger was following him, watching him. So a few weeks later he thought, "What if this tiger, my old friend, wants to come back to me? Wants to be my friend again? I must try it one more time. See what it would "feel like". Reach out to my old friend." And so he did, reached out to the tiger, still following him behind his back. And the tiger reached out too, Reached out to claw the man miserably in the face, started chewing off an arm. The man said, "Now I see 'what it would feel like'! I'll never "need" to do it again. I'm going to be O.K. now!" But he heard the tiger chuckle as it headed back into the forest...

W.

fini

you wouldn't ever be responsible for anyone else's drinking, SC.
just as no one else is responsible for yours.

Tooz

Thankyou for the replies. Apologies for what I wrote about Bill W. I'll keep those opinions to myself.

As written above (sorry I've forgotten who) - about the drink with the steak dinner.

I had 2 drinks on my first "relapse" after one year sober. It did nothing for me. I thought what was the point of that?

I didn't drink again for another 6 weeks. Back to as I was the previous year.

But it triggered something in the back of my mind that told me yeah you get away with this, you're fine Adam.

So next bad day 6 weeks later my mind told me I had a solution - alcohol. I drank myself sick for 2 weeks. The same thing has happened all summer until today when I reached out for help and spent the day in the company of other sober alcoholics.

I can't keep my promises when drinking. I never could. But sober I can.

I forgot that it's one day at a time. Whether you're one day sober or 20 years sober.

Hey I still can't sleep! But I'm not drinking and I'm posting here so it helps. Thankyou

wpainterw

Tooz: You wrote, "I can't keep my promises when drinking. I never could. But sober I can."
This statement keeps going through my head and it has a type of inner circuitry which I think might have fascinated that old logician Bertrand Russell, who himself had a rather controversial and interesting life, although, with him, it wasn't alcohol.
Like the famous conundrum, "An alcoholic said, 'All alcoholics are liars'!" Now if this statement is true then the alcoholic who said it was lying. If he was lying and was also an alcoholic, then the statement is a lie, i.e. false and all alcoholics are not liars, etc. So "the turtles go all the way down", as a woman who believed that the world rested on an enormous turtle, answered to Russell who had asked what the turtle stood on and what that turtle stood on, etc.
Russell suggested a theory of "classes" or "sets" to unravel the paradox, a theory a little hard for me to follow.
So what's it mean when a person says, "When sober I can keep all my promises but when drinking I can't." If the first is true then he would never drink if he had promised not to do so. . If the second is true, then he would drink and the first must be false.
It would hard for me to follow all this if I were drunk. I'm sober and have been so for 28 years and it's still hard for me to follow. I guess, drunk or sober, for me "it's turtles all the way down". Does the last turtle stand in Hell? I think there's a good chance of this. Read Dante and maybe find out.

W.

Soberandhealthy

Love the tiger story so fitting 🎈🎉

Tooz

W.... It's a bit hard for me to follow cos my mind is a bit screwy right now sorry.

What I meant was when I was sober for a year I kept all my promises. Or if I couldn't do something then I wouldn't promise to do it.

It was a proud way to live.

That all goes when drinking again.

You're correct that the first promise I broke was about drinking again. Everything follows from that.

Hey I haven't drunk today! That's where I started the first time.

But lol I don't think my minds clear enough yet to read Dante I do read a lot though (a sober pleasure)

ReadyAtLast

This is such an important thread. I was sober 3 1\2 years and drank in June this year. Nothing bad happened and I said that's it start again. Some weeks later I drank again and all OK. This happened a couple of times. NO problems. In September one night I drank a lot in public and made a complete fool of myself. The next day was day 1. I lasted a few weeks then went on holiday. Started again. Now I'm almost drinking every night and it has to stop. Its so much harder second time around d. I'm on day 3 now and determined but I was last time.

Please don't make the mistakes I'm currently making

Fly N Buy

My issue has always been the problem between my left and right ears. I have a thinking problem. I tell myself that I was in denial - as in always past tense. My brain never tells me at the time when I'm actually in denial, just when I was.

Thank goodness I got past xyz issue - man was I I denial over that one! It's always discovered in arrears, with time. I am not saying you are or were in denial, that's just me.

Glad you're still with us - onward. More will indeed be revealed to all - keep coming back

Tooz

Yeah it's horrible. The worst mistake I've ever made was picking up a drink again after. Oh I made some shocking errors of judgement when I was younger. But a year sober and I forgave myself cos I recognised I was an alcoholic.

The last few weeks drinking I've been robbed, I've spent **** loads of money (and I'm not wealthy). I've got no idea what some of these things are my on credit card statement. A good friend has given up on me for my summer of yoyo relapsing and my long partner finally had enough of it. I don't blame him.

All caused by picking up a drink again.

Today going to Aa was the best decision I've made since I picked up that 1st drink.

Dee74

I'm really glad to see you back RAL

D

ReadyAtLast

EDIT: i meant start sobriety again not drinking again

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Dee. I've been reading for a few days but only just posted, prompted by this thread so thanks to the OP. I've joined the Dec class too. Hope all is well with you

teaorcoffee

I think this thread is important and I'm glad people like RAL have come back to share their experience.
I get why you did your experiment SC, and I'm glad you've gotten away with it - I think there are plenty of posts here that will help you if you do feel tempted to try it out again soon.
I'm not far enough into this to make any judgements and also think every person's path is their own, but would definitely be worried about my response to the first drink, seeing as I've already recognised that I'm pretty crap at only having one.