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Old 12-05-2016, 06:48 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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It bothers me too. Unfortunately we have a whole host of issues with mother in law, and some big relationship issues. I don't want to say anything now for fear of a situation blowing up in my face and adding a lot of stress, which will of course make everything worse. I plan to address it at some point, but don't want to this early in sobriety.
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Old 12-05-2016, 08:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Avra View Post
It bothers me too. Unfortunately we have a whole host of issues with mother in law, and some big relationship issues. I don't want to say anything now for fear of a situation blowing up in my face and adding a lot of stress, which will of course make everything worse. I plan to address it at some point, but don't want to this early in sobriety.
I get that. Some people take it as a personal criticism when you won't join them drinking. I would just repeat "no thanks" or "no, I'm good" (said with a smile) each time she tries to push a drink on you. The less you say about it the less it can become a big discussion. Shrug your shoulders (with that smile stuck on) when she complains about you spoiling the fun. With any luck she will eventually give up. Good luck!
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Old 12-09-2016, 05:56 AM
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Day 47 here.
Not drinking but its been a crappy week. Lots of crap coming up on the home front. Mother in law issues, husband issues, daughter issues.

However, i am grateful to be here and NOT drinking. All the stuff was here before just now i guess its getting uncovered as i am not numbing myself to it.

Mother in law asked again about drinking at xmas and i said no, and she asked me if its a forever thing. I cant quite bring myself to tell her it is as she will ask a barrage of questions (she wants to know everything always) and i simply dont want to go there right now, honestly feel like just avoiding her.
Oh well i know alot of folks have much much bigger problems so i am thankful despite this.
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Old 12-09-2016, 06:17 AM
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I would be vague with your MIL about the forever question. Just tell her you don't know if it's forever, but that you're working hard on quitting for now. If she pushes the wine at Christmas, just keep saying "no thanks" politely but firmly. She will give up eventually. It's clearly her agenda to get other people to drink so that she won't feel bad about her own drinking. Her issue, not yours.

Your relationship with your daughter will improve over time, too. It's early days yet - if she was aware of your drinking, she's probably still hurting and maybe not trusting you yet. Just keep loving her and maybe do a few extra things with her - playing a board game, going shopping, doing a craft. Extra hugs and kisses. She's young, and she will probably be ok. If it seems like things are not improving, maybe some family therapy would be good.

Keep going! You have a great start with 47 days!
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Old 12-09-2016, 06:18 AM
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Seems the ones who push the hardest are the ones with the biggest problems, both drinking and other problems.

I had a pretty annoying mother. I finally got to the point that I would just totally ignore her when she started pushing buttons. I mean, she was in her fifties and had been the same ever since I knew her so she wasn't likely to suddenly change.

If she got too bad, I would say, "Mom. I'm not having this discussion." Then I would walk away or hang up the phone. I mean, if she wanted to pout, then by all means pout without me being your witness. Controlly Controllerson Moms are pretty common.

Good luck with MIL. Just look at her when she "starts" and don't engage! It worked for me. She'd be over there being all upset and I'd be on to something else. Talking to someone else.
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Old 12-09-2016, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Avra View Post

Mother in law asked again about drinking at xmas and i said no, and she asked me if its a forever thing. I cant quite bring myself to tell her it is as she will ask a barrage of questions (she wants to know everything always) and i simply dont want to go there right now, honestly feel like just avoiding her.
.
Why is it so damn important to this woman if you drink or not? are you only worthy to be in the family and to be married to her son if you get liquored up?
This woman has a serious problem and it isn't only alcoholism.
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Old 12-17-2016, 03:33 PM
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I suspect Doug there is an alcohol issue there, perhaps not quite like mine, but most people I know don't care if I drink or not. I think its important because I think she is attached to alcohol in her own way.

So today is Day 55. Last night I had to go to a staff party and for a moment or two I considered having a drink. But unlike other times in my life, the urge wasn't crazy, and even my husband said he wouldn't be upset if I did and he had one, yet it didn't sway me. In the past I think I was quitting for other people and his "permission" would have set me running to the bar. Instead I thought of how I would regret that decision.

I was thinking today that the world is coming back into color for me.

What I mean, is that while I was drinking, it felt like everything was supplementary to my drinking..that life didn't have much colour or meaning if there was no booze in it. Now I wake up and look forward to things, I feel happy emotions (as well as some sad and angry ones too I admit). I feel like the world I once knew is back for me. I didn't realize I was missing it until I quit. And now I realize that the world was only secondary to my drinking, because my drinking had stripped everything else away. Everything was just a shell of itself and booze was the only interesting thing left. But now that I don't let that poison into my daily life, the world has sprung back. I don't know if that makes any sense or not...
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Old 12-17-2016, 03:41 PM
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It makes sense. 55 days is still early on, too. Just wait until you see how much better it still will become.
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Old 12-17-2016, 10:38 PM
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Avra, what you said about everything else being secondary to drinking rings true to me. I am happier without it.
You seem to be doing a fab job re parties.
It seeems harsh, but is it worth saying to mil that not drinking is a deal breaker for you being at their house for xmas? It might stop the nonsense
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Old 12-17-2016, 11:12 PM
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Great job playing the tape through last night!
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:48 PM
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Update: Day 100 today. Its been a crappy last few days , mainly due to work and a few other things, but I have also felt depressed and my anxiety through the roof. I I am not drinking though. That door is closed. Honestly if i was drinkiing right now this last week would have been 10000 times worse. I dont think I could have handled work.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Avra View Post
Update: Day 100 today. Its been a crappy last few days , mainly due to work and a few other things, but I have also felt depressed and my anxiety through the roof. I I am not drinking though. That door is closed. Honestly if i was drinkiing right now this last week would have been 10000 times worse. I dont think I could have handled work.
that's pretty much the attitude I have adopted. Even when I have bad days I think about how much worse they would be with a hangover. Not something I will experience again.

Congrats!!
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:51 PM
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New to AA

I'm Steve from Winnebago Illinois anyone else from same area that wants to chat.
I've been sober since 01/10/2017
I'm really getting into these daily meeting at the upper room rockford,il
Love reading the Daily Reflections and The Big Book too.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:57 PM
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This is awesome Avra! Keep moving forward
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Old 01-31-2017, 08:16 PM
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Avra, really well done!
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:37 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Avra View Post
Update: Day 100 today. Its been a crappy last few days , mainly due to work and a few other things, but I have also felt depressed and my anxiety through the roof. I I am not drinking though. That door is closed. Honestly if i was drinkiing right now this last week would have been 10000 times worse. I dont think I could have handled work.
Congrats Avra! We are at the same point - I am on day 103 today. That's awesome that you have recognized that alcohol will only make things worse. I've gotten pretty good at playing the tape through, not only to the next morning which would be full of anxiety, guilt and regret, but then returning to the constant obsession about when I could drink again. I don't miss that at all!
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Old 02-17-2017, 10:24 AM
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Last night would have been excruitating three months ago

So last night I had to go to a dinner party - good friends of my in-laws and really was an obligation, so I went.
Honestly, I think if I was in the first few weeks of quitting it would have been very very challenging.

I get there and everyone is sitting around with wine/beer. First thing I am asked: what would I like to drink? I say water. Hostess asks if I would like apple juice with sparking water, or ginger ale etc. I think she was prepped by my mother in law that I am not drinking, so that was good. so far, OK. My husband also asks for something non alcoholic and him and I both settle on ginger ale. Great.

Then we all go sit in living room and everyone (there are 6 couples plus us) proceeds to talk about booze for the next hour and a half while they all drink around us. The host brings out different spirits they are all tasting and passing around. Would we like to try? no thanks.
Then dinner comes and we move to dining room to eat. More booze poured and then they start talking about wines.
I had a twinge or two where my thoughts strayed to wishing I was like them and could drink. But ultimately, I remembered my drinking realities. And mostly I was just bored. Out of my mind.
I don't think any of them are alcoholic per se. They didn't overdo it but what I am starting to realize more and more is how important drinking is to everyone. Last time I saw them they were all talking about different rums. I cannot imagine any of them having a good time without at least a drink or two. One thing the host said that did strike me as strange was that he felt people drinking light beer (as opposed to strong beer) dimishes the experience of getting together (he was referring to guys drinking together and ice fishing). WTH?

Anyway, it just struck me how far I have come because I don't think that would have been very easy for me in the first month or so. I would not have drank, but it would have been agonizing. While not easy it was OK. I made it and I have diminished its importance to me. I wouldn't want to do that every night though.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 02-17-2017, 10:31 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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I, too, never realized how important alcohol is to some until I quit. I find parties, that are alcohol based, boring now. It's funny I never understood why people that didn't drink found parties like that boring. I figured it was them when it was in fact me.
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Old 02-17-2017, 11:43 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Well done Avra! I agree that you really notice how focused on booze the drinkers are once you are no longer one of them. It's like they have nothing else in common to talk about.
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Old 02-17-2017, 02:00 PM
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excellent: "ultimately, I remembered my drinking realities."

Some of my closest friends, and of course my partner, have used my turning sober as a launching point to discuss how wrong it feels to them for alcohol to play such an intrinsic and ubiquitous role in every gathering. The whole "craft" movement has played into this so heavily with marketing that makes it seem like everything MUST be gourmet. Well sorry...vodka cannot be made gourmet even if Tito makes it with his own little hands.

I guess I wanted to get that off my chest!! LOL
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