6 months after cutting back by half.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Why are you here Happy? What made you look for this particular web forum? Are you concerned about your drinking? Do you drink to blackout? Drink till you pass out? Drink to get drunk? Ashamed of your drinking? Heart racing, waking up at 2:00 with your head pounding? I see you quit successful due to advice from your doctor, but isn't there something else there? Why here? I am here because I can't stop drinking beer once I start. I have a much better life now not drinking it at all. Moderation does not work for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Welcome, happyfluid.
Your life sounds like it has improved greatly and you have adopted excellent habits. You managed to stop drinking without severe withdrawals and I congratulate you on stopping in August and not drinking since. Great work!
It sounds so logical to just keep going now. I have not had a drink in over a year and my life is better in every area. Some in my social circle think I might drink again one day; when that suggestion comes up in conversation, I just nod and let things move on. I don't correct them because I don't like drawing attention to the fact that I don't drink and don't want to ever again.
I can't recommend enough that you decide to stay sober. Having done the hard work, why shouldn't you continue to reap the fantastic rewards?! It just seems illogical to do otherwise.
I suggest you stay around here, join the community and keep reading. You'll find plenty of ways to deal with the issue of some people thinking you might drink again. It doesn't matter though what they think, it's what you think, and what you do, that matters.
Your life sounds like it has improved greatly and you have adopted excellent habits. You managed to stop drinking without severe withdrawals and I congratulate you on stopping in August and not drinking since. Great work!
It sounds so logical to just keep going now. I have not had a drink in over a year and my life is better in every area. Some in my social circle think I might drink again one day; when that suggestion comes up in conversation, I just nod and let things move on. I don't correct them because I don't like drawing attention to the fact that I don't drink and don't want to ever again.
I can't recommend enough that you decide to stay sober. Having done the hard work, why shouldn't you continue to reap the fantastic rewards?! It just seems illogical to do otherwise.
I suggest you stay around here, join the community and keep reading. You'll find plenty of ways to deal with the issue of some people thinking you might drink again. It doesn't matter though what they think, it's what you think, and what you do, that matters.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Hi HappyFluid
Welcome
I not sure if you're planning to return to drinking or simply looking for a stronger reason to tell your mates why you're not drinking.
The second one is pretty easy - you feel great not drinking, you prefer it that way and you want to live and be healthy for a long time.
Your real friends will support that
If you're considering returning to drinking..ask yourself when was the last time you had 'a drink' and left it at that?
If you're like me,and from your post it seems you are, the answer is never.
Don't confuse abstinence with control.
You feel good now because you're not drinking, not because you've magically found control.
I haven;t had a drink in a decade but I believe I'd be right back to 2007 if I started again.
My relationship with alcohol is toxic and that will not change.
Looks to me like you might be the same.
If you drink again all the things that happened to you in the past will happen again.
I used to think it was the last drink that got me in trouble.
I know now it's the first drink that kicks all the other crap off.
You're 50 and got a clean bill of health. That's great - but don't count on that at 55 or 60 or 65 if you keep drinking the way we all did.
D
Welcome
I not sure if you're planning to return to drinking or simply looking for a stronger reason to tell your mates why you're not drinking.
The second one is pretty easy - you feel great not drinking, you prefer it that way and you want to live and be healthy for a long time.
Your real friends will support that
If you're considering returning to drinking..ask yourself when was the last time you had 'a drink' and left it at that?
If you're like me,and from your post it seems you are, the answer is never.
Don't confuse abstinence with control.
You feel good now because you're not drinking, not because you've magically found control.
I haven;t had a drink in a decade but I believe I'd be right back to 2007 if I started again.
My relationship with alcohol is toxic and that will not change.
Looks to me like you might be the same.
If you drink again all the things that happened to you in the past will happen again.
I used to think it was the last drink that got me in trouble.
I know now it's the first drink that kicks all the other crap off.
You're 50 and got a clean bill of health. That's great - but don't count on that at 55 or 60 or 65 if you keep drinking the way we all did.
D
Originally Posted by Happyfluid 
Hello Everyone,
Reading this thread with interest- just registered a few minutes ago.
Addiction is a difficult definition! I am 50 years of age and have been enjoying booze excessively (heavydrinking every night...) since my early 20's- delicacies of choice: beer; vodka cola; scotch soda...
August last year I went for advice to my doctor, to 'seek' advice on various issues: overweight; gout; cholesterol; etc.
Off he sent me for a bank of blood tests to assess my overall condition. On my follow-up visit I was advised (amongst various issues) to cut down on my drinking/ address my weight/ start exercising.
I was very brave
and stopped alcohol on 01 August- also cutting out all syrupy drinks; cut down my chocolate consumption as well as going to gym 3x a week.
I am very, very lucky in not suffering from any withdrawal symptoms, in fact sleeping very soundly every night from the word go. My weight has dropped from 115kg to 103kg, my cholesterol; blood sugar and blood pressure is back to normal.
Here is the catch:
I've made it known in my social circle that I will allow myself a drink again once my health has reverted back to normal
- which it has.
So now I'm at this junction in my life....
Reading this thread with interest- just registered a few minutes ago.
Addiction is a difficult definition! I am 50 years of age and have been enjoying booze excessively (heavydrinking every night...) since my early 20's- delicacies of choice: beer; vodka cola; scotch soda...
August last year I went for advice to my doctor, to 'seek' advice on various issues: overweight; gout; cholesterol; etc.
Off he sent me for a bank of blood tests to assess my overall condition. On my follow-up visit I was advised (amongst various issues) to cut down on my drinking/ address my weight/ start exercising.
I was very brave
and stopped alcohol on 01 August- also cutting out all syrupy drinks; cut down my chocolate consumption as well as going to gym 3x a week.I am very, very lucky in not suffering from any withdrawal symptoms, in fact sleeping very soundly every night from the word go. My weight has dropped from 115kg to 103kg, my cholesterol; blood sugar and blood pressure is back to normal.
Here is the catch:
I've made it known in my social circle that I will allow myself a drink again once my health has reverted back to normal
- which it has.So now I'm at this junction in my life....
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by ljc267
So let me get this straight, all of these bad things that were happening to you were due to alcohol. You quit drinking and all of the bad things went away. Now that they are gone you will resume drinking?
Does that make sense?
Does that make sense?
Right here.
I am 353 days sober today. Other than having been atypically cranky for no reason today....my life is beyond wonderful. My health has returned from a very sick, year-to-18 mo prognosis stage of late alcoholism. I'm about to get engaged, I am such a happy positive person that people who knew me when I was drinking do double takes when they see me (or even pics!), my AA program is incredibly strong, my support system is so much to be grateful for it makes me tear up sometimes....my life is real, complicated and amazing - and that is 100% due to the fact that I quit drinking and got my God.
I verbalized this in two sentences several times this week as people were asking about my upcoming year and all that: "The only reason in the world I would drink again is because I am an alcoholic. I am going to do everything in my power- surrender, acceptance and diligent maintenance of my spiritual condition- to make sure that one reason never turns into action."
Only my disease would tell me that there is one single thing that would make my life better if I were drinking, and only my disease would tell me that my life wouldn't become worse if I went back to drinking.
Good enough for me. Today.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
you will do what you will do, hf.
but the entire irrationality of it all is summed up for me in the idea of 'junction'.
standing at a junction where one choice is to go back down to that again.
being convinced they're somehow equal and reasonable choices.
but the entire irrationality of it all is summed up for me in the idea of 'junction'.
standing at a junction where one choice is to go back down to that again.
being convinced they're somehow equal and reasonable choices.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
This subject of "moderation" is a hot topic on this forum. I usually leave it alone because so much can be misinterpreted in the written word. But Well, here goes......
Whether or not the OP is an "alcoholic" is not for me to say. I am not judging or labeling. But what I can say without hesitation, and based on years of personal experience with the labor intensive and utterly futile exercise at "moderation" is this......drinking 6-7 cans of beer in a night... or 14 in a 2 day weekend....or 20 in a week.....is not in any sense of the word "moderation". It may be a lot less than what the OP use to drink, but it's still not moderating. Let none of us hide behind that word for justification to continue drinking.
We all want to be "normies" . Don't we all want to be able to moderate? Most of us have gone to elaborate efforts to try, and find that we cannot. I'm one of those. I'd be lying if I said that the thought of having a glass of wine never passes through my mind. But I can't drink, anymore than I can take Penicillin. During my former extended periods of complete abstinence, the obsession with the drink was still there. I might not have been drinking, but the fact that not drinking consummed my thoughts was exhausting and not indicative of someone who could drink normally. I was dry, but I was still not moderating. Normies aren't consumed with counting their drinks or thinking of which day they may or may not drink. I finally owned that my 'moderation' was not working, so I quit completely....4 + years ago. Best decision ever. Not easy, but best.
Everyone has to find their own way in their own time, but we need to do it honestly. We must own our actions. And we also must be open to others disagreeing with us or challenging our actions without thinking they are trashing us. If we put it out here in the forum, then we have to be open to feedback without getting our defenses up.
I will forever be grateful to a certain SR friend who ( 4+ years ago) kindly but point blank told me I was 'full of it'. ( actually that's not a quote but I can't print what she said ..lol). Thank you to and for people who speak the raw truth, and who show us the way when we cannot find it ourselves.
Good luck to all who continue the fight. Freedom is yours for the taking.
Whether or not the OP is an "alcoholic" is not for me to say. I am not judging or labeling. But what I can say without hesitation, and based on years of personal experience with the labor intensive and utterly futile exercise at "moderation" is this......drinking 6-7 cans of beer in a night... or 14 in a 2 day weekend....or 20 in a week.....is not in any sense of the word "moderation". It may be a lot less than what the OP use to drink, but it's still not moderating. Let none of us hide behind that word for justification to continue drinking.
We all want to be "normies" . Don't we all want to be able to moderate? Most of us have gone to elaborate efforts to try, and find that we cannot. I'm one of those. I'd be lying if I said that the thought of having a glass of wine never passes through my mind. But I can't drink, anymore than I can take Penicillin. During my former extended periods of complete abstinence, the obsession with the drink was still there. I might not have been drinking, but the fact that not drinking consummed my thoughts was exhausting and not indicative of someone who could drink normally. I was dry, but I was still not moderating. Normies aren't consumed with counting their drinks or thinking of which day they may or may not drink. I finally owned that my 'moderation' was not working, so I quit completely....4 + years ago. Best decision ever. Not easy, but best.
Everyone has to find their own way in their own time, but we need to do it honestly. We must own our actions. And we also must be open to others disagreeing with us or challenging our actions without thinking they are trashing us. If we put it out here in the forum, then we have to be open to feedback without getting our defenses up.
I will forever be grateful to a certain SR friend who ( 4+ years ago) kindly but point blank told me I was 'full of it'. ( actually that's not a quote but I can't print what she said ..lol). Thank you to and for people who speak the raw truth, and who show us the way when we cannot find it ourselves.
Good luck to all who continue the fight. Freedom is yours for the taking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 116
I think it is a MAJOR difference between moderate (cut back) your drinking on your way to sobriety (as the OP does), or if you try to moderate after periods of sobriety.
Moderation helped me big time. Here is why: On may ways to sobriety I was just not “strong” enough to stop it all of a sudden so I cut back step by step, really deconstructed my alcoholic behavior in a proactive way. I just drank as much – a minimal effective dose, so to speak – I needed to numb myself or get in certain emotional state. Before, I would “just drink”. What also turned out to be useful during that phase of moderate drinking, was, that I learned, what the reason behind my drinking was. Of course, I had to differentiate from the moments of pure addictional behavior.
Then, after learning to moderate (emotionally) over the course of 18 month, I was able to - after two attempts (learning lessons) of each three weeks- to stay sober and be happy for now 6 month, going strong.
So, IMO it it might be not useful to generalize the verdict on moderation. It helped me. But yes, I agree, moderation wont work once sober. It wouldn't work for me NOW, but it has worked as a pre-phase towards sobriety. And it may work in that context only for specific types of alcoholics, not the chronic alcoholics, nor the phase out drinkers, but those with emphasis on emotional addiction.
So, I could very well relate to the OP.
Moderation helped me big time. Here is why: On may ways to sobriety I was just not “strong” enough to stop it all of a sudden so I cut back step by step, really deconstructed my alcoholic behavior in a proactive way. I just drank as much – a minimal effective dose, so to speak – I needed to numb myself or get in certain emotional state. Before, I would “just drink”. What also turned out to be useful during that phase of moderate drinking, was, that I learned, what the reason behind my drinking was. Of course, I had to differentiate from the moments of pure addictional behavior.
Then, after learning to moderate (emotionally) over the course of 18 month, I was able to - after two attempts (learning lessons) of each three weeks- to stay sober and be happy for now 6 month, going strong.
So, IMO it it might be not useful to generalize the verdict on moderation. It helped me. But yes, I agree, moderation wont work once sober. It wouldn't work for me NOW, but it has worked as a pre-phase towards sobriety. And it may work in that context only for specific types of alcoholics, not the chronic alcoholics, nor the phase out drinkers, but those with emphasis on emotional addiction.
So, I could very well relate to the OP.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Tough thread.
It's hard to read the words from someone in a place that we all know too well. It's no one's right to say whether the experiment will be successful but there's one thing that was learned, and for many of us the hard way.
As long as we continued to use alcohol there was something disastrous coming. It was only a matter of what and when.
So, smadams. when we read your post we all pray that this isn't the case for you but for most of us this has been the outcome.
It's hard to read the words from someone in a place that we all know too well. It's no one's right to say whether the experiment will be successful but there's one thing that was learned, and for many of us the hard way.
As long as we continued to use alcohol there was something disastrous coming. It was only a matter of what and when.
So, smadams. when we read your post we all pray that this isn't the case for you but for most of us this has been the outcome.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by ThomPom
I think it is a MAJOR difference between moderate (cut back) your drinking on your way to sobriety (as the OP does), or if you try to moderate after periods of sobriety.
She knew then that something had gone wrong, and probably cannot afford to risk more years tapering down, or more experiments with controlled binge drinking, hoping that nothing bad happens.
Drinking is a liberty, but LadyBlue summed it up rather nicely.
Originally Posted by ThomPom
...after learning to moderate (emotionally) over the course of 18 month, I was able to - after two attempts (learning lessons) of each three weeks- to stay sober and be happy for now 6 month, going strong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 12
Perspective is quite interesting. I was down to "only" drinking on the weekends yet my problem was still getting worse. To me, I couldn't drink less than six beers (and I would have drunk more if I allowed myself to buy more). If the op feels that they have things under control, then great. But, for me, that amount of drinking would be a major problem for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: bradford, england
Posts: 110
I couldn't possibly reply to all.
Here is what I'm thinking: I am happy at the minute, whether my plan is flawed or not, so I will stick with it and hope for the best.
I am definitely not drinking moderately, I know-I meant it in the sense that my drinking wasn't as extreme as it used to be. I know I need to cut back further (much further) or quit completely! I don't know if I want to do that yet, and that will be my downfall, I'm sure.
I did once stop drinking for 2 years, only starting again (with a vengeance) when I received spectacularly difficult news. Because I did that (and was actually perfectly happy not drinking during that time), I have hope that I could do it again.
I feel a little like when my mum would say to me 'Don't wish your childhood away-it will be gone before you know it and you will miss it so much'. I never believed her. She told me her mum had said the same thing to her, and she never believed her either. Now I have kids and tell them the same thing and they don't believe me. You guys are telling me what is plainly obvious to you, and I believe you, I really do, but (just like when I was a kid) I want to find out for myself. It's ridiculous, but it's true.
I refuse to go back to how I was before. So if this doesn't work out I will make an appointment with the doctor and tell all, and seek real help, and admit my problems, and give in to the truth. But I want to see this through first. Although it's probably doomed.
I really appreciate you guys being here and I am sorry that you can see where this is headed and are trying so hard to help me see it too, but I can't. I just can't.
Apologies to those I'm pissing off, and I aren't encouraging anyone to moderate. To anyone who reads this and thinks of attempting to moderate, I want to say 'Quit drinking!' (even though that's slightly hypocritical of me).
Here is what I'm thinking: I am happy at the minute, whether my plan is flawed or not, so I will stick with it and hope for the best.
I am definitely not drinking moderately, I know-I meant it in the sense that my drinking wasn't as extreme as it used to be. I know I need to cut back further (much further) or quit completely! I don't know if I want to do that yet, and that will be my downfall, I'm sure.
I did once stop drinking for 2 years, only starting again (with a vengeance) when I received spectacularly difficult news. Because I did that (and was actually perfectly happy not drinking during that time), I have hope that I could do it again.
I feel a little like when my mum would say to me 'Don't wish your childhood away-it will be gone before you know it and you will miss it so much'. I never believed her. She told me her mum had said the same thing to her, and she never believed her either. Now I have kids and tell them the same thing and they don't believe me. You guys are telling me what is plainly obvious to you, and I believe you, I really do, but (just like when I was a kid) I want to find out for myself. It's ridiculous, but it's true.
I refuse to go back to how I was before. So if this doesn't work out I will make an appointment with the doctor and tell all, and seek real help, and admit my problems, and give in to the truth. But I want to see this through first. Although it's probably doomed.
I really appreciate you guys being here and I am sorry that you can see where this is headed and are trying so hard to help me see it too, but I can't. I just can't.
Apologies to those I'm pissing off, and I aren't encouraging anyone to moderate. To anyone who reads this and thinks of attempting to moderate, I want to say 'Quit drinking!' (even though that's slightly hypocritical of me).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Repeating what I posted a bit earlier to Happyfluid: everyone has their own path to walk. Many of us, including me, wanted to drink less, tried to drink less, but found that it just wasn't in the cards. Indeed, stopping altogether was far easier than monitoring intake. Monitoring captured every bit of energy and attention that I could muster. Was it easy to quit? Nope. Not at first. But stopping made my life simpler, and I took great satisfaction in gaining back control of my life. Peace.
The best way out is through -- Robert Frost
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: This miraculous world!
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Sorry you felt you would find negativity. I have always found great support on this site.
I tried moderation and it didn't work for me, it made me crazy trying to monitor how much I could drink, how often, and I found myself always drinking more than I should.
I tried moderation and it didn't work for me, it made me crazy trying to monitor how much I could drink, how often, and I found myself always drinking more than I should.
And returning back to the OP: I truly believe that all people have their own journeys and I wish you well with yours -- no judgement; only support, if needed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by smadams11
So if this doesn't work out I will make an appointment with the doctor and tell all, and seek real help, and admit my problems, and give in to the truth. But I want to see this through first. Although it's probably doomed.
I really appreciate you guys being here and I am sorry that you can see where this is headed and are trying so hard to help me see it too, but I can't. I just can't.
I really appreciate you guys being here and I am sorry that you can see where this is headed and are trying so hard to help me see it too, but I can't. I just can't.
That's fair. Some people speak of not having been "ready yet" in certain parts of their journey to recovery. To be candid, I was probably in that mental space more than a few times before sobriety actually stuck for me. I just hope that time comes sooner rather than later for you, before you have a chance for your current experiment to be "doomed". Sometimes our rock bottoms are way worse than we imagine they'll be.
Although many of us on this thread have admittedly questioned your approach, we are truly rooting for you and hope that you find the best possible solution. Stick around, keep posting, and let us know how it goes,
ABW1
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 2,671
SMadams--- I agree with most of the above ^^^^
I have tried and failed miserably at trying to moderate my drinking like many others. I am an alcoholic so I have tried every possible way to continue drinking..I just didn't want to deal with the consequences any more but if I could drink with none, I believe I would still be drinking.
I found it completely exhausting trying to moderate what I had to drink rather than giving up completely. It became an obsession. Anyway I have failed miserably every single time and here I am again at 6 weeks sober for attempt #357537765748... I'm a Mum too. My boys and I have unfortunately learnt the hard way that I am not able to moderate, it's a slippery slope for me..One drink is never enough...If I limit myself to one bottle of wine...I would make excuses on why I should open the next..It's a dreadful cycle...
There is no judgement here. Just concern and love. From one Mum to another though, I would hate you to put your kids what I have put mine through. I say this with a lot of shame and remorse but my boys (16 and 15) have seen a lot. Far too much... Your kids sound younger so you can still change this before excessive drinking is all that they know. You need to do this for yourself but we are kidding ourselves if our kids are not part of our reasons for wanting to change our behaviour.
I sincerely wish you all the best, and hope you decide to try complete sobriety. You say you are looking forward to it one day.. Today could be that day if you made it.. Nic
I have tried and failed miserably at trying to moderate my drinking like many others. I am an alcoholic so I have tried every possible way to continue drinking..I just didn't want to deal with the consequences any more but if I could drink with none, I believe I would still be drinking.
I found it completely exhausting trying to moderate what I had to drink rather than giving up completely. It became an obsession. Anyway I have failed miserably every single time and here I am again at 6 weeks sober for attempt #357537765748...
I'm a Mum too. My boys and I have unfortunately learnt the hard way that I am not able to moderate, it's a slippery slope for me..One drink is never enough...If I limit myself to one bottle of wine...I would make excuses on why I should open the next..It's a dreadful cycle...There is no judgement here. Just concern and love. From one Mum to another though, I would hate you to put your kids what I have put mine through. I say this with a lot of shame and remorse but my boys (16 and 15) have seen a lot. Far too much... Your kids sound younger so you can still change this before excessive drinking is all that they know. You need to do this for yourself but we are kidding ourselves if our kids are not part of our reasons for wanting to change our behaviour.
I sincerely wish you all the best, and hope you decide to try complete sobriety. You say you are looking forward to it one day.. Today could be that day if you made it.. Nic
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