Dee74

There's nothing moderate about this intake
I'm not trying to be a hardass.

This is a newcomers forum - people here are here for a reason, and I'd personally hate for anyone here to start thinking that maybe moderation is possible for them - for the vast majority of us, it's just not.

D

sugarbear1

You sound like me at 25 years of age.....

I wish you well on your life's journey!

CLAS

If I tried hard enough and gritted my teeth, possibly I could moderate. I wouldn't want to though. I wanted to drink hard and long and get away from my brain for 5 hours.

I wanted a feeling that I am quite certain moderate drinkers don't get from a glass and a half of wine. Moderating for me would be like eating one chip. Miserable.

I have to be at zero drinks. I'll let Dee do the moderating.

I wish the OP the best and hope she finds abstinence from alcohol.

Michael66

I think moderation is something many of us try because we prefer the idea to sobriety. But few of us succeed, and I do have to say that smadams while having cut her alcohol intake is still very far from what a health professional would class as moderate drinking; our normal levels of drinking gives us a distorted view on what moderation means. smadams is still, sadly, at high risk of accidents (which may also effect others) and of long term health problems.

smadams feared an unfavourable response to her post. And I would say that response is justified not so much on the idea that of trying moderation (something many will try early on), but the fact that she considers her current level of drinking in some way a 'success'. It is only an alcoholic's brain that can consider what is still unhealthy and excessive drinking some form of 'success'.

'Moderate drinking' in the UK would be fewer than 14 units of alcohol per week, which is about 5 cans of beer (500ml, 5% alcohol) a week . smadams is still drinking up to 40 units of alcohol a week, and that is assuming she never exceeds the amounts she reports drinking. She may not want to identify as an alcoholic, but she is a still a habitual drinker who is drinking to an excess that puts her at significant health risks.

A success story? I don't think so. I hope the 'mirror' we have held up to her here is enough to get her to see that while she has less of problem than she had before she still has a real problem even if she is able to avoid the long term 'creep' back up in consumption many of us have experienced while trying to cut back.

sweetichick

I did the same thing for months. Cut drinking to twice a week. Kidded myself I wasn't an alcoholic. Well I am back fighting the demon full on. If one thing goes wrong in your peaceful life you will be back where you started. I'm living proof of that. Hats off to you if you think you are cured forever.

Algorithm

smadams11,

What you describe sounds more like controlled binge drinking than moderate drinking, and you are right that we see that all the time.

You are attempting to get deeply drunk on a regular basis, only without getting into trouble, because you know that heavy drinking is not good for you. This is the very definition of addiction -- continued drinking against your own better judgment.

We see this all the time as well, and I believe that you are chronically addicted, and that you have been for many years. If you don't believe my assessment, just read some of your earlier threads. You've been at this for a while, now.

06-25-2014 -

08-15-2013 -

There is such a thing as episodic alcohol dependence, where there is usually one episode, which lasts 3-4 years on average, and then remits, but you don't appear to fit that profile. Perhaps this accounts for the college example you mentioned, though.

Either way, the choice is not between "I'm an alcoholic" and drinking some more, it is between drinking some more and not drinking some more.

You have some idea of what the Addictive Voice is, since you mentioned it in this old thread, but your understanding of the AV is incomplete.

06-20-2016 -

You asked some rather interesting questions back then, most of which are the AV, although some are the real you. I've condensed the list, but you should see that there are two of you in there, both vying for control.

The AV is the voice of your addiction, and is any thinking or feeling that supports or suggests your possible future use of alcohol.

It is the voice in your thoughts that says "never say never" to the possible future use of alcohol, and urges you to always keep that option available, no matter what.

What's happening is that both you and your addiction want to survive. You want to survive, by not drinking yourself to death, but your addiction also wants to survive, and it views alcohol as necessary for survival.

With such high stakes on the board for both parties, it's not surprising that there is a battle for control, and that very often only half measures, such as cutting back to certain days, are taken.

Right now, your addiction is winning, since you are living out the mandates of the Addictive Voice as if they were your own. It will likely lead you to ruin you if you do not get a grip and take back control.

Don't wait for a crisis or to hit rock bottom, which is what your present plan appears to be.

August252015

So many things I could say but here is just one that screams at me from your posts, especially the most recent: comparison to others.

Oh, how this keeps so many of us drinking. "I'm not as bad as..." - "doesn't everyone..." - "so many [college kids/salesmen/book club women/etc] drink that much and..."

One word: YET.

For alcoholics, there's always the yet. You haven't quit YET; drinking hasn't caught up with you YET....so on.

Good luck to you. I hope you quit before you get to a serious YET.

Cassandralee

Hi smadams11, thanks for sharing your journey. As I reading, I was imagining myself doing the same. For a few moments, I was really considering whether that would work for me too. Because, I really miss drinking.

But nearing the end of your story, I started to remember that I did the exact same thing as you, four years ago.

I did really well, for almost two years. I was feeling pretty good and in control of my drinking. I didn't even really drink to get drunk back then, because I was so in control and I fully believed I was a normal drinker.

So, very gradually, without me even realizing, it started to change. I honestly didn't see it happening, I still felt in control. It progressed so slowly. I realized about a year ago I had lost control, again, of my drinking. Then I spent the last year trying so hard to get that control over my drinking, back.

I had some good weeks, but that would be followed by a few bad weeks. It was up and down. The alcohol had taken over.

I went through the stage of justifying as well. I compared myself to party friends who drank a lot, too work colleagues who loved their beers after work, and I would think, well they do it too, and they're fine, so I don't really have a serious problem.

So for me, I wish so much that I could be a moderate, normal drinker for the rest of my life. I don't want to test my luck again though. The price is too high. I know I have an addictive personality and that would just be playing with fire, for me. I wish you the best of luck though, I really do.

Change4good

Hi smadams. I spent over and hour reading your previous posts. There was a lot of desperation and fear. Normal feelings for someone in the grips of addiction. You often alluded to the fact that you had no control, and you desperately wanted it. You also mentioned the horrible effects alcohol was having on you spiritually, mentally, etc.

In my experience, people don't argue with their own data unless they are trying to convince themselves of a lie. You have LOTS of data to suggest that aren't in control. I am in no way bashing you, and I offer this observation in the support.

Please consider what others have said about how progressive this is. Yes, I was able to moderate, and then the wheels came off in a horrific way. My family suffered, and knowing that I could have been a better/different mom during that time still haunts me.

You can turn it around, but my guess is you are going to have to reach outside yourself, and get help. If you don't want it yet, that is okay. You can continue this "experiment" as you call it, but it might be at great peril. You are young, and can have a different life that will sound a lot better than your previous posts.

I wish you well, and again, I am writing from a place of concern, not judgment.

2ndhandrose

I am sorry to read your update, smadams.

Your "moderation" (3 nights a week) was my bottom. I was also moderating by keeping it to 3 nights a week but that meant 3 hungover days and only one decent day left in the week. For me, trying to control an addiction is like trying to keep a gorilla in a cardboard box.

IMHO, moderation is what alcoholics try before they are ready to accept.

Normal drinkers don't moderate, they don't need to.

I am here because SoberRecovery is a site for Sober Recovery, not for promoting the unrealistic and unsafe practice of moderation.

I wish you the best

Ariesagain

To me, it sounds absolutely exhausting.

So much energy being devoted to a liquid. What else could you be accomplishing with all that effort?

No, thank you.

P.S. Not to sound pedantic, but thou dost protest too much, methinks.

Foolsgold186

I didn't want to be an alcoholic either - so I tried until I was blue in the face to drink moderately, anything beat admitting the truth!! I was also really angry that I couldn't drink like everyone else...so I had to show everyone I could.

But the real truth is - if your life is being affected by alcohol you have a problem with it....

You wont find people who don't have a problem with alcohol on a support website talking about their drinking, they don't need to think about it...it's not a problem for them!!

Moderation for alcoholics is a myth.

Good luck.
FG x

Change4good

One more thing. . .I will be completely transparent and tell you I was trying to appeal to your role as a mother. You have three young children, and you obviously love them tremendously. You noted that when drinking, you can't see how they change and grow. You said that you don't suffer hangovers, but have to drag yourself out of bed, furry tongued, and a grumpy arse.

Your children see this, even if they can't communicate it yet. Three drink nights means three mornings of "grumpy arse." Imagine how great it would be if you felt alive and vibrant, as you describe, when you don't drink the night before? What a gift for your kids!

I am not suggesting you do it for them. Get sober for yourself, so you can experience and enjoy this beautiful time of raising them. You don't get a "do-over" for what has happened in the past, but you can make your and their future so much better.

I grew up with alcoholic parents, and it had a tremendous effect on me. So I take that knowledge, and realize how I can create a safe, healthy environment for my kids.

Those who know better do better. You know it. . .it is all over your previous posts. Not to beat a dead horse, but re-read where you have been in the past. You could end up right back to 7 nights, despite the fact that you think you've got this alcohol thing down.

As someone else noted, think about how much time and energy you are devoting to convincing us and yourself that moderation works. What could you do with that energy if you focused it on complete sobriety?

Fly N Buy

A book many here and elsewhere read states this; If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.
Alcoholics Anonymous
Pg 31

I am not conceited enough to believe I can make people drink or make them stop. To each his own. There are mountains of personal testimony here for those who question their drinking drink habits to read of others experience, strength and hope to find value in their journey.


Best Wishes
Fly

AnvilheadII

curious why you felt the need to come back here and proudly announce your NEW drinking plan. to PROVE we were WRONG? if drinking wasn't that big a deal anymore, you wouldn't feel the need to defend and protect it and give the big Neener Neener.

if it's not big deal then why not just quit?

if alcohol has NO hold of your anymore, then why not just quit?

you still have DESIGNATED DRINKING DAYS on your calendar.
right alongside birthdays and doctor appointments.
you still drink TO EXCESS.

i personally find your post dangerous and inappropriate. i fear for other struggling alcoholics who will find this post and kill themselves trying to "moderate". a sip of poison or a gallon, it's still poison.

Happyfluid

Hello Everyone,

Reading this thread with interest- just registered a few minutes ago.

Addiction is a difficult definition! I am 50 years of age and have been enjoying booze excessively (heavydrinking every night...) since my early 20's- delicacies of choice: beer; vodka cola; scotch soda...
August last year I went for advice to my doctor, to 'seek' advice on various issues: overweight; gout; cholesterol; etc.
Off he sent me for a bank of blood tests to assess my overall condition. On my follow-up visit I was advised (amongst various issues) to cut down on my drinking/ address my weight/ start exercising.
I was very brave and stopped alcohol on 01 August- also cutting out all syrupy drinks; cut down my chocolate consumption as well as going to gym 3x a week.

I am very, very lucky in not suffering from any withdrawal symptoms, in fact sleeping very soundly every night from the word go. My weight has dropped from 115kg to 103kg, my cholesterol; blood sugar and blood pressure is back to normal.

Here is the catch:
I've made it known in my social circle that I will allow myself a drink again once my health has reverted back to normal- which it has.

So now I'm at this junction in my life....

enfinthechange

You could always go back to high cholesterol, gout and overweight Ness .... sounds much better than being thinner, fitter and sleeping well. ... just tell them u liked it so much you're sticking with it... if they are your friends won't they accept that?.don't they like you healthy and thinner??? Don't they want u to live???
If not, they just want you with them to validate their own addictions....
Sorry if i sound harsh, you got to be true to you!

Ariesagain

Okay, I'll play.,,how do you know your health is back to "normal"? Blood tests are only one indicator and often not a very sensitive one, depending on what they measures. In veterinary medicine, they taught us that an animal's liver and kidney function could be compromised as much as 75% before that was reflected in their bloodwork and relying only on that was a mistake.

Do some research just on alcohol's effect on heart rhythm and heart muscle function, for example. Or here's a link...

Health Risks of Alcohol: 12 Health Problems Associated with Chronic Heavy Drinking

You're 50. You're at increased risk by age alone for all kinds of things alcohol makes worse. There's no magic by which stopping and starting sets you back to a baseline of great health each time. At the very least, ask your doctor if he/she thinks it's a good plan to start again.

You seem to be still romancing the drink, as is the OP. I find that destructive to what so many of us are working to achieve here, so I'm out.

Just understand your assumptions may be flawed.

ljc267

So let me get this straight, all of these bad things that were happening to you were due to alcohol. You quit drinking and all of the bad things went away. Now that they are gone you will resume drinking?

Does that make sense?

AnvilheadII