The Long Haul
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Eastern NC
Posts: 1
The Long Haul
Howdy all, I've been dealing with this alcoholic issue for over 30 years. My wife has been on and off the wagon for all these years and has been through treatment 3 times in the past 5 years, with limited success. I used to argue and plead for her to quit but have since learned that I should just focus on me and issues and stop trying to solve hers. I do not feel like the lone ranger in this but have pretty much resigned myself to this is just how it is going to be. She has only ever drunk beer, nothing harder, no drugs and she does not drive to get the beer, I pick it up for her. I know, enabler. I guess I'm beat down. We are best friends and have a fairly good life, I know it could be a lot worse but I fear I am just going to watch her slowly drink herself to death. I do not feel there is anything I can do to stop it, even though she is in relatively good health I know it will eventually catch up to her.
I don’t know if I am even looking for answers or guidance, I might just be getting it off my chest. I attended ALANON a few times and just did not get a warm fuzzy feeling about it. I am not new to the alcoholic world even though I rarely drink at all. I have refrained from it most of my adult life for her benefit.
I am not overly unhappy in my marriage (of course it could always be better, we all say that) but I also feel if she did not have me, she would be dead. Horrible thing to say but after all these years I honestly feel this my cross to bear, and I bear it willingly, I do love her so.
Anyway, thanks for listening, maybe this will be my kind of therapy.
I don’t know if I am even looking for answers or guidance, I might just be getting it off my chest. I attended ALANON a few times and just did not get a warm fuzzy feeling about it. I am not new to the alcoholic world even though I rarely drink at all. I have refrained from it most of my adult life for her benefit.
I am not overly unhappy in my marriage (of course it could always be better, we all say that) but I also feel if she did not have me, she would be dead. Horrible thing to say but after all these years I honestly feel this my cross to bear, and I bear it willingly, I do love her so.
Anyway, thanks for listening, maybe this will be my kind of therapy.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Alanon isn't about getting a warm fuzzy feeling. That has nothing to do with it. Alanon is about giving you the tools to be able to live a full and happy life despite living with an active alcoholic. If you prefer to stay beat down, by all means, feel free. But if you change your mind, go back and give Alanon an honest shake. Try it for a year. What have you got to lose?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum DocBH!! 
I'd suggest trying a few different Al-Anon groups, if possible, as what I found was the dynamic changed depending on who or what relations to the alcoholic were attending.
As someone who was a child of an alcoholic I found those meetings made up of mostly children of alcoholics rather than spouses of alcoholics to be more beneficial, and then the mixed groups were also good for a variety of viewpoints!!
I'd suggest trying a few different Al-Anon groups, if possible, as what I found was the dynamic changed depending on who or what relations to the alcoholic were attending.
As someone who was a child of an alcoholic I found those meetings made up of mostly children of alcoholics rather than spouses of alcoholics to be more beneficial, and then the mixed groups were also good for a variety of viewpoints!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Welcome to SR DocBH
Living with my own alcoholism was tough - I can imagine it maybe even harder to live with this with a loved one for a long period.
You'll find support and encouragement here though - I hope some understanding and a warm welcome too....
You might also like to check out our Family and Friends forums as well
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Glad to have you join us
D
Living with my own alcoholism was tough - I can imagine it maybe even harder to live with this with a loved one for a long period.
You'll find support and encouragement here though - I hope some understanding and a warm welcome too....
You might also like to check out our Family and Friends forums as well
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Glad to have you join us
D
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