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I think I'm an alcholic

Old 11-27-2016, 11:10 AM
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I think I'm an alcholic

Over the last 4-5 years my drinking has moved from social weekends to drinking alone. I'm 36 now and I've picked up the habit of drinking wine and smoking marijuana at home alone.

I drink at least a bottle of wine every Friday and Saturday night while watching my favorite shows and smoking pot. Last night I drank two bottles of wine and had two beers after that once the wine ran out.

During the week I can usually abstain from drinking but at least a couple times a month I'll have some beers or a bottle of wine on a week night. I'll get a craving on my way home from work and my car will steer it's self into the grocery store. Once in a great while I'll drink every night of the week. If there's beer or wine in the house I'll drink it, and more often than not once I start I'll drink everything that's there.

A few years ago I was drinking five nights a week, as I was living in the Midwest and doing my best to survive the hellish winters. I've since moved to the southwest so the seasonal depression is gone, thus I don't need the alcohol crutch.

I think now I am just drinking out of boredom. I'm a bachelor that lives alone so boredom is real. I don't feel that I drink out of loneliness as I'm not lonely, just bored. And to be honest alcohol has been such a part of my life style that's its hard to imagine life without it.

I've told myself numerous times that I will stop drinking for 30 days just to see if I notice any changes within myself, but I never make it past a week. I'd like to put an honest effort on doing that this time as I told myself this again this morning. If I can't give it up for a month than I have to seriously consider my options.

I feel that many alcoholics start out where I am at now, so I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate or has any thoughts/suggestions.

Thank you
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:16 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Carlfardman!!

Your story sounds very familiar, drinking evolved into drinking alone, not being able to go a period of time without drinking, drinking just to fill time.

I got to the point where something had to change, as the volume of alcohol I was consuming was increasing and increasing, and that eventually would be unsustainable.

But you can turn things around, it can be done, but not without a change in your lifestyle, I had to stop coming home and drinking alone, had to plan new activities for my evenings, my weekends, break the habits that saw me drunk falling into bed each night after a binge.

You'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you onboard!!
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:18 AM
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Have you ever tired drinking two drinks and no more for any period of time?

I could go for some time with out a drink, I could go for sometime and have a couple of drinks and then, I'd drink like it was the end of the world.
Being honest and admitting that drinking is becoming a problem is a hard thing to do.
Wishing success in your efforts
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:29 AM
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You bet I can relate. I did the same thing, drink beer and smoke pot and watch TV. I was lonely and had a hard time making friends. My drinking got worse, and when I got older I knew fewer people that smoked pot. After awhile I did not know where to buy it. Soon it was alcohol only. I stopped drinking in bars, and was afraid of a DUI so I drank alone at home. So from your description I would say you are like me, and I for sure have an alcohol problem. I am closing in on a year sober, but I am older. You don't know me but my advice is to go to an alcohol counselor if AA is not for you. And try going 30 days without drinking. You can do it, and you are still young. Don't continue down this path, and don't wind up with my regrets. I wish I had stopped when I was your age. Best of luck to you.
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 View Post
Have you ever tired drinking two drinks and no more for any period of time?
Yes, that works for me best during the week because I know I have to get up in the morning for work and I don't want to be hungover. But still it's a safe bet that once I crack a beer or open a bottle of wine I'm drinking it all.
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:42 AM
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Me too I relate.
Time to take action.
Welcome to SR. It saved me and put me on the road to recovery. Hoping it does the same for you.
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:43 AM
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I found this book to be very enlightening - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

The premise is that an alcoholic metabolizes alcohol differently than non alcoholics. There are signs early in ones drinking career which may be indicators of alcoholic drinking.

Ultimately my off switch got stuck in the wide open position. While this was progressive I drank excessively for a long time.

Welcome
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Old 11-27-2016, 11:44 AM
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
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Old 11-27-2016, 12:55 PM
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Boredom is real, but it is rarely self-explanatory. There's always something else going on. Boredom may sound like a plausible reason to drink, but we all know better than that. The desire to drink reliably tunes out other options, allowing us to dismiss a lot of other activities. Leaving us in a state of boredom. Symptoms of anxiety, depression, and general restlessness can also leave us in a state of boredom, preferring instead to be bored rather than confront a condition or conditions that are even more undesirable.

I don't treat boredom as a feeling, just as anxiety and depression are not feelings, but instead are states of being. Whereas feelings allow for other emotional and cognitive processes to co-exist with fluctuating influence, states of being are typically exclusionary, and place limitations on what we do, what we think, and how we interpret our feelings. They can also free us to do and to experience things to which we don't ordinarily have access under "normal" conditions.

We don't naturally make the time for self-reflection. Where we are in our lives, what we want, what's "missing," and where we're headed. It usually takes an experience of loss, or some other event that shakes us out of our everydayness, that forces us to look at things more honestly. Or a sense of existential dyssynchrony: a sense that we're not exactly where we're "supposed to be" at certain times in our lives (one of the main reasons why people seek out psychotherapy). And there are just too many distractions. The endeavor itself can stimulate painful feelings. Feelings of helplessness only make it more difficult.

Experiences of boredom and loneliness aren't discussed or explored very much. We tend to take these things for granted; they just are what they are. They're not. The result is that we settle for less by "learning to live with" them, or by doing something to mute or run from the experience, such as drinking.

The fear of freedom often arises from the reality that we have many more choices in our lives than we allow ourselves to imagine. Imagine that.
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Old 11-27-2016, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post

Experiences of boredom and loneliness aren't discussed or explored very much. We tend to take these things for granted; they just are what they are. They're not. The result is that we settle for less by "learning to live with" them, or by doing something to mute or run from the experience, such as drinking.

The fear of freedom often arises from the reality that we have many more choices in our lives than we allow ourselves to imagine. Imagine that.
Hi Carlfardam, welcome to the site. I can relate to your feelings of boredom and loneliness also.

On that note, I'd like to ask EndGame to expand on the above if possible.
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Old 11-27-2016, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by carlfardman View Post
I think now I am just drinking out of boredom.
You think you are an alcoholic, and you think you just drink out of boredom. Those two statements are at odds with one another. Sounds good, drinking out of boredom. Makes the solution sound easy. Drinking because of alcoholism. Not so easy. But it's human nature to take the easy path.

A trial sober period will show you if its boredom or alcoholism. Good luck.
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Old 11-27-2016, 01:48 PM
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Endgame your posts are amazing. Always. Think I'll just spend a couple hours reading them. Thank you for being here.
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Old 11-27-2016, 02:28 PM
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Welcome to SR!
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Old 11-27-2016, 02:57 PM
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Hi carlfardman

Some great responses here.

I certainly can identify with your story. I tried to 'cut back' but every time I opened a bottle or a six pack or whatever I had to drink the lot in one sitting.

The next step for me was drinking to excess every night, not just weekends...and then finding myself 'retired'.

More time to drink....pretty soon it was round the clock.

The only way for me to break out of that was not to drink at all.

It was tough for a while in the beginning but I look back now and I'm glad - I have my life back

You'll find a lot of support here - Welcome

D
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Old 11-27-2016, 03:02 PM
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It's so good to have you with us, carl. You'll find understanding and encouragement here. We all know what you're going through.

I once drank only on weekends, usually surrounded by people. Decades later I found myself drinking 'round the clock - and alone most of the time. I'm glad you're realizing that you are in danger. You can turn it all around by taking action now. Welcome.
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Old 11-27-2016, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post

Experiences of boredom and loneliness aren't discussed or explored very much. We tend to take these things for granted; they just are what they are. They're not. The result is that we settle for less by "learning to live with" them, or by doing something to mute or run from the experience, such as drinking.

The fear of freedom often arises from the reality that we have many more choices in our lives than we allow ourselves to imagine. Imagine that.

Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
...I'd like to ask EndGame to expand on the above if possible.
I would, but it would throw this thread wildly off course. And it wouldn't be either brief or easy.

My perspective is not unique, but it's not for everyone. I share it with many people who have come before me. I tend to focus on the "darker side" of human existence, meaning those things that we dare not admit to ourselves or that are classified as "negative" experiences because they either provoke an intense reaction or challenge our assumptions about who and what we are. As an example, we eschew labels from other people, but seem content to place them on ourselves, thus limiting who and what we are. As long as those labels fulfill some personal need. We further limit our freedom by either assuming or convincing ourselves as to what we can and cannot do. How is that we do such things? How is it that we so regularly continue to make the same mistakes, convincing ourselves and anyone who'll listen that we've "learned" from them, yet continue to do them, sometimes under the guise of some other activity or behavior, and sometimes with such great enthusiasm? Where is the freedom in all that? Or is doing these kinds of things truly what it means to be free?

Why do we settle for what we know are fleeting moments of superficial safety and security, moments that carry a very heavy price, as in the case of self-medicating drinking, in exchange for eroding health; poor, damaged or broken relationships, or no relationships at all; an alarming absence of consistent well-being; poor and misguided decisions; self-defeating and destructive behaviors; and a general state of alienation in the world? I’m not just talking about people who are addicted. Is it a lack of knowledge? Experience? Wisdom? Do we really not know any better? One of my premises is that we know much more than we ever let on to. Ignorance provides plausible deniability for a great many destructive, misguided or hurtful things that we do in life. It isn't enough to claim that "I didn't know any better." I did. We do. It's the things that we do and not the things that we know that either give us power or bring us down.

I've already written more than I intended. Maybe I'll break down and put my thoughts in a blog some time.
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Old 11-27-2016, 04:15 PM
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The brain-trust here at SR has already given you tons of excellent advice. I will just say that the drinking usually escalates and then next thing you know 5-6 years have passed and you've developed a mighty expensive, unhealthy, destructive habit. I think you are wise to catch this early on. Some of us weren't so lucky.
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:05 PM
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Why not put down the booze and get outside....enjoy the beautiful SW weather? You went to the effort to move from the midwest, so instead of drinking alone, take a walk, bike, soak up some sunshine......changing up our routines when we normally drink, is a good idea.
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:18 PM
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I used to look at that question on "are you an alcoholic?" surveys, "Do you drink alone?" and laugh. Who were they kidding? Don't most people drink alone?

I've had two years sober and now the question makes sense to me. It shows you are drinking for the effect, to numb yourself, check out.

I also used to laugh at the two drinks a day limit set by health experts. Who were they kidding? Again, now that I have some distance between myself and alcohol this also makes sense. Most people I know rarely drink more than two. In fact, most people I know barely drink at all.

I've read that normal people start to feel uncomfortable or "full" of alcohol after two drinks. They don't feel the need for more.
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Endgame your posts are amazing. Always. Think I'll just spend a couple hours reading them. Thank you for being here.
Thanks. I'm happy to know that you get something from my comments.

What I think is amazing is that there are so many people here who remain relentlessly supportive. And that they wouldn't have much to do here but for the fact that there are so many people willing to struggle with such a debilitating and fatal condition, one that defies reason, thought and scientific inquiry. Pain is pain, but it's difficult to compare a life filled with misery and suffering as a result of what we do to ourselves and to other people to anything else.

It's something of a mystery that eludes our best minds, but that catches the attention of our better hearts. And that's something.
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