Coming clean
 

Day 1 again for me. I've watched my life unravel in the last month because of drinking. This time it's done, I'm an alcoholic and there's no way I can get out of this hole I'm in by myself. Really could do with some support. I'm not sure AA is for me. What other recovery options are there for me?

Hello SadG. No, I can not do this stuff alone either. I had a rock bottom with illegal steroids. You reached out and made yourself accountable to yourself- that shows honesty and strength- good for you. SR is a really good place to start- heaps of threads, real time stuff, real people. I learn a lot here. Why not AA? If it is the stigma- well there is always that with any sort of addictive people. Alcie, druggie etc. Just like this thread I have found AA to be just honest people seeking help and offering it by sharing their stories. SMART is another good one (I do that one too). That is where in smaller groups everybody shares- but it is more dynamic in that people's concerns for the past week or so are raised and the group may help that person find ways to cope with every day life. I also have regular check ups with MY doctor- not just anyone- that way he knows my history. I regulate my antidepressants by this. Also for physical health- blood test for stuff, weight, pain management etc. I also have an addiction counsellor ( in a recovery program- open) to deal with the reasons WHY I have felt crap most of my life and thus used alcohol to fill that empty space. Also a psychologist to deal with more long term stuff.
I find I just experiment- if something comes along, I will give it a go if I think it will help me- not just see to be doing. Also I make sure I am not doing overkill.
Maintaining safety- not being around any booze, avoiding risky situations- such as going to pubs. I remember everyday the basics for living- HALTS (Hungry Angry,Lonely ,Tired,Sad). So if I am feeling crap- I run through this. Is it because I am hungry- have I had lunch? If not I make sure I eat. Lots of water as well. Tired- sleep is essential Also usual stuff- keeping my space (and me) clean. Washing clothes- you might be surprised how much little things can help you feel as if you have made an achievement just by doing something. Some people go to church. Exercise is also important- walking is free and very good for you. I also keep a running journal. That way I can go back and read it (as I do here often) and think about how I felt, what do the words say- was I angry- if so why and how to learn and grow. I keep a note book with me if I have thoughts about anything- my recovery, shopping, sales etc. Keeping a close eye on the dollars- even if I can only put $10 in the bank- it is a safety net. Have you thought of Detox? There is nothing wrong in crying. Isolating is crap- it does not help you. I hope this is of some use to you. Keep posting.
Prayers to you, PJ.

AA wasn't for me either..... until many many times feeling just like you are now. Until multiple DUIs. Until divorces and losses and interventions and debts and crushing shame......

AA wasn't for me, as long as I kept on being unwilling to do whatever it might take for sobriety.

AA wasn't for me..... and so I kept on relapsing.

Eventually, AA was For Me. And as a part of my overall recovery, it worked.

Glad you're here. This cycle doesn't have to continue.

Thanks for the replies. I guess you're right freeowl-and I am absolutely willing to go to any lengths not to feel like this again. I think I need to get myself back to AA, and DO THE WORK. Thanks for the reality check.

Sad sad girl- first, glad you are here and second, hope you will feel good enough to change that username soon!

I too felt as freeowl did- and once I finally gave in to my alcoholism and went into AA it saved my life. At just past nine months sober it is the bedrock of my life. I talk about it at length in these rooms and am happy to share if you want to PM.

Perhaps you are ready to try the 90 in90 suggestion (I think I had 82) and really learn about the program. I was on the brink of death and now, due to AA, and working a really strong program (certainly including spiritual fitness) I have a wonderful life. As someone pointed out on another thread, AA only mentions alcohol once in the steps, in step one when we admit we are powerless over it. Everything else is about a new way of living. You only need the desire to stop drinking to get started.

Good luck.

glad youre making the decision to actually DO to find out if AA if for you.
theres a LOT of promises that happen as a result of working the steps- promises for every step.

I'm trying to sleep off this hangover but I'm just so anxious! I hate this so much. I hate what I've done to my family and myself. This is horrible.

I recommend AA attendance and church services.
These two have helped me to turn my life around.

Complete Deflation of EGO and the working of a good program.

Good luck to you,
M-Bob

Hi sadsadgirl

You're here and you want this. That's the first big step. I do see that you've been at this for a while now. You're asking about programs and what's out there for recovery options.

First, a big huge hug for being here and what I am about to say is with care and concern for you. My words aren't meant to be harsh, it's an offering of what I needed to do before I succeeded.

There are many recovery options available. All types of meetings. Many tools out there that will help you get through cravings. Still one thing will always be true. You have to have full acceptance of the fact there will never be a valid reason or excuse to drink. Not just right now, while you're feeling this way, but after you've made it through this and get to the next time you would normally drink. That's when the work begins.

Start formulating a plan ahead of time and use it. Remember, no excuse and no reason is valid to drink. It's going to be hard, you know this already. But, it will be the difference between repeated day 1s for a long time to come or the beginning of you moving towards a life that you deserve to live.

Life is better without alcohol but you have to get there in order to see it. Recovery programs and tools are necessary but this all has to start with your commitment no matter the circumstance.

You CAN do this. Yes, it's hard, but that's what makes it so rewarding.

Don't rule out AA based upon preconceived notions and stereotypes.

I did that for a lot of years and it probably cost me several years of sobriety.

PJ
THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT POST....:c011:

Keep coming here and reading the posts it really has helped me i don't feel alone in my recovery. 😊

Freeowl
GREAT POST.....:c011:

Hi ssg, have you thought about treatment or rehab? I only mention it because I wanted sobriety so bad that I proclaimed to my wife and on this site if I relapsed I would enter rehab to get sober again. That's how good for ourselves I think a sober life is worth.

I just don't like AA, it makes me worse. I end up obsessing about not working my program well enough because I don't feel as enlightened as other people do. I'm more aligned to the AVRT way of thinking. I feel like a fraud going to AA meetings

Perhaps I just need to give AA another go. I can't let this beat me. What's a couple of hours per week to keep me on the straight and narrow?

I think that, like going to church, if you feel like a fraud doing it, you're doing it wrong.

I've never been to a meeting, but I go to church every week. It's not a hotel for saints, it's a hospital for sinners. You are where you are. You don't "have" to do anything but be open to change. You don't get something, be honest about it, to yourself and others. It isn't your "fault" that you aren't like everyone else, because...you just aren't like anyone else. You are you. It sounds like the first person you need to forgive is yourself. :)

I didn't like AA either. And I tried it.. 3 times. It always seemed like the people were addicted to meetings and/or white knuckling. But anyway, we can't bash other programs, so I'll stop before I get in trouble. It does work great for many.
What helps me.. I have immersed myself more into my running. I go hiking. When I'm being active, I want to be my healthiest and physically, the cravings and less frequent. And it makes me fee better about me. On the mental/emotional side, for now it seems like I'm on this site daily for the last 55 days and it has helped lots!!

Yeah I felt the same about AA too Oct2016. I need to come up with a plan and be proactive about my recovery. I have to sort myself out. I'm in the depths of depression at the moment and seeing a therapist about that but whenever I meet with him I feel like drinking, and do, that evening. I'm ruled by ambivalence it feels. I don't practice self care at all. I need to make a solemn vow to look after myself. I need to eat regularly and check in here. I need to start journaling. I need to do homework

Hi sadsad,
Lots of people quit without a formal program. Recovery groups are not for everyone, and that's ok. Read around and see what others have done. You can do this and trust me when I tell you...life is infinitely better without ever having to feel like you are feeling now.


LadyBlue hit the nail on the head.
A commitment to complete abstinence is what has freed me.