FreeOwl

Welcome.

Don't worry about the UK culture. Same in the US, NZ, Australia, Singapore, hell.... even China. When OUR culture is drinking, we find it to be the culture wherever we go.

But I've been to all those places drunk and many of them sober. We get to choose.

I can't tell you how many stories just like yours have ended in goodness, in reunion with children, in fences mended and hearth healed.

I know it feels hopeless at times, but it is not. This life is a blessing and in sobriety you will find that blessing deeply.

AA is a great place to start. Counseling for your trauma will be a good idea. Get back to yourself and your inner wisdom and love..... it's there inside you.

It will be ok.

Better than that last, it will be wonderful. Just choose (sobriety) and act (in honor of life) and bit by bit you will see how glorious it will be.

Soupie

It's been two days without a drink. It was hard earlier because I saw a picture of my ex with his new girlfriend on Facebook. I thought we would be married till the end and only have myself to blame. He put up with so much. I hurt both of them (also my child) so much. I do feel though I can move forward. He deserves happiness, but in a selfish way I hope deep down he still cares.

PhoenixJ

Thoughts and prayers Soupie. Pain shared is best.

Truthbetold76

Hi Soupie
Hope you're feeling a little better today. Day 3? I know it's difficult seeing that stuff on social media....sometimes I find I actually have to step away from that kind of stuff otherwise it just messes with my head in a bad way...maybe you should not go on until you feel a little more yourself? I know it's super hard.
Hang in there!!

Hamartia

I am struggling right now to not drink, and it is only 9:09 in the morning.

I love this quote:

"She could never go back and make some of the details pretty, all she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful."

My heart breaks for you -- for your sadness -- for all of the ugly, destructible things alcohol has done to so many of us. I have to find a way out too, and I don't know what this is. I just know, I have to keep trying -- I have to hang on to that hope.

Soupie

Yes I have deactivated my account. It does mess with your head it's true.

Soupie

We cannot see the hurt because we are hurting so much ourselves.

Soupie

Hi Phoenix. I read your story and I hope you are recovering well. I visited a friend earlier who has just been told his cancer has returned. You couldn't meet a nicer man and I am praying for good news. We are all suffering in different ways, some better than others.

Hamartia

Soupie, I hope this day is, in some small way, a little better for you. I wish there was a place where some of us could meet -- cry together -- and support each other as we try to climb out of this abyss. There is something that I want you to know, though. My daughter would not speak to me for a very long time. She did not want me to see my beloved granddaughter either. It took awhile, but I got my drinking under enough control to once again gain her trust and love. The one thing in the world that I could not bear was not being able to see my granddaughter, and I got that back. You can too, Sophie. You can rebuild and repair some of what has been damaged by the alcohol. I still have a bad alcohol problem -- it will kill me if I don't get it out of my life. But, my desire to be with my family seemed to override the drinking -- for the time I am around them. Alone, I am a hypocritical mess, but I have about decided to check myself into some place where I can be without alcohol for at least 30 days and then maybe I can quit. Thing is, I may have to quit my job to do this -- pretty scary, but not as scary as the way I am now. Anyway, I send you my heart and wish for you a new beginning -- a chance to renew and rebuild.

Soupie

I hope things work out for you Hamartia. We all deserve to be understood why we decided to take this rocky road. I personally do not think I will see her again and I am grieving. I still wonder how I am here. I am a good person who tried to please everyone and it wore me down. Some days are a struggle but I want to get better. For me if nobody else.

Irnldy001

Soupie
I speak for myself in saying that the support I receive is largely and almost entirely due to the sober community (AA, here) that I brought myself to. My immediate family largely doesn't know the extent of my issues. Only my husband. Many people just assume I'm a sloppy drunk who also happened to drunk dial/post a bit too much.
Some of them have dismissed me and could care less that there hasn't been an incident in almost 2 years. And I have to be ok with that.
I blamed my parents for a long time for my traumas. I'm getting old for that though, and no matter how guilty they are or aren't it doesn't matter- I have to deal with the aftermath and the person I am now. I am trying to let go of resentment.
The people that did stick around I guess decided not to judge me too harshly. No one has questioned why I always turn down a drink. No one has asked, not once. So that is supportive in a way.
If you reach out and ask for support, it will be there.