First Steps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 2
First Steps
Hi everyone
My name is Adam and I'm 34 years old. For the last 13 years I've had a drink and drug problem that has gotten to the point now where it's out of control. 4 nights a week I'm drinking around 10 pints of beer and doing a gram of cocaine. I spend the next day in a state of anxiety, constantly thinking I'm going to have a heart attack as a result of my abuse. I spend most of my life worried that I'm going to die, which is no way to live.
It's affected my personal relationships terribly, people are starting to avoid me when they see I've had a drink, noticeably. Which upsets me, yet I can't seem to stop. My need for another drink cost me my relationship with a woman I loved very much. She couldn't take it anymore, I don't blame her.
I've never been able to tell anybody how I feel, scared of admitting weakness I suppose. Also, the thought of being the sober one at parties has always filled me with dread. But I can't go on like this, I need to stop. And the reason I've joined this forum is so I have somewhere to talk about my problems and hopefully get the help to solve them.
I hope that doesn't sound to needy!
My name is Adam and I'm 34 years old. For the last 13 years I've had a drink and drug problem that has gotten to the point now where it's out of control. 4 nights a week I'm drinking around 10 pints of beer and doing a gram of cocaine. I spend the next day in a state of anxiety, constantly thinking I'm going to have a heart attack as a result of my abuse. I spend most of my life worried that I'm going to die, which is no way to live.
It's affected my personal relationships terribly, people are starting to avoid me when they see I've had a drink, noticeably. Which upsets me, yet I can't seem to stop. My need for another drink cost me my relationship with a woman I loved very much. She couldn't take it anymore, I don't blame her.
I've never been able to tell anybody how I feel, scared of admitting weakness I suppose. Also, the thought of being the sober one at parties has always filled me with dread. But I can't go on like this, I need to stop. And the reason I've joined this forum is so I have somewhere to talk about my problems and hopefully get the help to solve them.
I hope that doesn't sound to needy!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
Coming here and admitting you have a problem is a great first step. Read around the forum. You should be able to pick up on what the subsequent steps to recovery are.
Coming here and admitting you have a problem is a great first step. Read around the forum. You should be able to pick up on what the subsequent steps to recovery are.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Welcome, Adam.
Well done for accepting that you have a problem and being willing to do something about it.
Posting here on SR may be the first step towards a new freedom, a new life for you.
I sincerely hope so.
Stick around, mate.
It's worth it.
Well done for accepting that you have a problem and being willing to do something about it.
Posting here on SR may be the first step towards a new freedom, a new life for you.
I sincerely hope so.
Stick around, mate.
It's worth it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Alright Adam,
Know exactly what you mean mate and had those thoughts and feelings far too often too.
First step admitting to yourself that you've got a problem and I'll be honest with you mate I first started trying to really curb my behaviour and sort my head out in my early 30's as I knew it was out of control - i didn't take it seriously enough though and thought I could go forever once I had a bit of time out here and there getting worse with each return until I nearly lost the lot and was on the verge of cracking up - I'm now 45 and 1 year clean and sober - the party had to end before I did but the big one is lifestyle mate and realising what you need to do.l to change it.
Stick around here there's a lot of knowledge and people genuinely willing to help and guide you but believe me doing something about it will be the best move you can ever make - there is definitely a better life without the madness of the drink and drugs controlling and dominating it.
Know exactly what you mean mate and had those thoughts and feelings far too often too.
First step admitting to yourself that you've got a problem and I'll be honest with you mate I first started trying to really curb my behaviour and sort my head out in my early 30's as I knew it was out of control - i didn't take it seriously enough though and thought I could go forever once I had a bit of time out here and there getting worse with each return until I nearly lost the lot and was on the verge of cracking up - I'm now 45 and 1 year clean and sober - the party had to end before I did but the big one is lifestyle mate and realising what you need to do.l to change it.
Stick around here there's a lot of knowledge and people genuinely willing to help and guide you but believe me doing something about it will be the best move you can ever make - there is definitely a better life without the madness of the drink and drugs controlling and dominating it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 2
Thank you everybody for the kind words, it means a lot to know I'm not on my own. I'll be sticking around, I feel better for putting it out there already.
I know it's not going to be easy but I'm determined to try.
Thanks again everyone.
I know it's not going to be easy but I'm determined to try.
Thanks again everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Welcome to SR. You'll find loads of support and information here. When I first joined, I spent hours reading different threads. Still do actually. It needs to be backed up with action though- keep posting and decide that for today, you will not drink or use.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Welcome, Adam. ☺
There are so many means of help and support on SR. Have a read of some of the stickies, have a look at the 24 hour, November class and weekender threads. And plan, plan and plan some more!
You're in good company here. And the best thing is there are people from all over the world in every which timezone, so you'll always have someone to lean on.
There are so many means of help and support on SR. Have a read of some of the stickies, have a look at the 24 hour, November class and weekender threads. And plan, plan and plan some more!
You're in good company here. And the best thing is there are people from all over the world in every which timezone, so you'll always have someone to lean on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 36
Hi Adam,
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I was very scared for my health and afraid to reach out for help... I am 33 years old and saw myself as broken, hopeless, weak, and ashamed.
You've made a step in the right direction by joining this forum.
I myself just got out of treatment (39 days sober today) and one thing I learned while in there is that you are definitely none of the things I listed above. Addiction is a disease. Do we look at a person with cancer or diabetes as weak?
Anyways, I know it's difficult to consider, but going to a dual diagnosis detox center has helped me considerably. I was able to detox somewhat comfortably while also going through therapy to get to the root of the reasons why I used and tools to avoid triggers. Plus being locked up for 30 days gave me the reset I needed to clear my head and gain a new perspective without the distractions and chaos of everyday life. I was able to see what it felt like to have a good time and laugh again without the dependency of a substance. It is an amazing and freeing feeling.
I have by far more work to do on myself, but I feel like I have gotten my life back on track in the right direction.
Hang in there... Sobriety is not the end of the world. Believe it or not, I think it is the true essence of a happy and fulfilling life.
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I was very scared for my health and afraid to reach out for help... I am 33 years old and saw myself as broken, hopeless, weak, and ashamed.
You've made a step in the right direction by joining this forum.
I myself just got out of treatment (39 days sober today) and one thing I learned while in there is that you are definitely none of the things I listed above. Addiction is a disease. Do we look at a person with cancer or diabetes as weak?
Anyways, I know it's difficult to consider, but going to a dual diagnosis detox center has helped me considerably. I was able to detox somewhat comfortably while also going through therapy to get to the root of the reasons why I used and tools to avoid triggers. Plus being locked up for 30 days gave me the reset I needed to clear my head and gain a new perspective without the distractions and chaos of everyday life. I was able to see what it felt like to have a good time and laugh again without the dependency of a substance. It is an amazing and freeing feeling.
I have by far more work to do on myself, but I feel like I have gotten my life back on track in the right direction.
Hang in there... Sobriety is not the end of the world. Believe it or not, I think it is the true essence of a happy and fulfilling life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR Adam. Many of us were (or are) scared to death to admit weakness, I certainly was. I thought I was bullet proof. I read this site for over 6 months before I actually joined and posted. It has helped turn my life around. It can for you too. I wish you the best.
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