Hello, new on day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 120
Hello, new on day 1
Hello, after many attempts over the past 5 years, I am determined to stay sober. For me, my kids and, hopefully, my marriage. I'm worried that even if I do, finally, stay sober, I've pushed it too far and when the kids are out of the house, he'll leave anyway. He won't file for divorce as long as the kids are in the house.
My husband got very mad at me last night and earlier this week due to my drinking
. He found my water bottle filled with wine yesterday and I have no idea if I accidentally left it out or if he found my hiding spot. I feel so ashamed.
A couple weeks ago, I told him I was going to do a month inpatient program in another state that I thought would help me get started. But my husband told me I was selfish for doing that b/c how would he manage without me with the kids? and, why can't I just stop drinking?
It feels hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when he's mad at me, but it kinda was my fault for drinking when I know he wants me to stop - and I do, too.
I never used to be a big drinker until I became friends with an alcoholic who drank 4 bottles of wine a day and mixed drinks or campaign. She never forced me to drink, but somehow it became my habit, too. It's not her fault I became an alcoholic.
I'm trying to keep myself distracted. I wanted him to go out and do something with the kids and me today, but he's not that into it as he's mad at me, so I feel that I should give him space while I work on this. Hopefully as I show him I'm not drinking, our relationship will get better.
The kids and I are going to a carnival later, so hopefully that will help distract me. I'm kind of sad that my husband doesn't understand why I can't just quit, why it's so difficult for me.
My husband got very mad at me last night and earlier this week due to my drinking
. He found my water bottle filled with wine yesterday and I have no idea if I accidentally left it out or if he found my hiding spot. I feel so ashamed.A couple weeks ago, I told him I was going to do a month inpatient program in another state that I thought would help me get started. But my husband told me I was selfish for doing that b/c how would he manage without me with the kids? and, why can't I just stop drinking?
It feels hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when he's mad at me, but it kinda was my fault for drinking when I know he wants me to stop - and I do, too.
I never used to be a big drinker until I became friends with an alcoholic who drank 4 bottles of wine a day and mixed drinks or campaign. She never forced me to drink, but somehow it became my habit, too. It's not her fault I became an alcoholic.
I'm trying to keep myself distracted. I wanted him to go out and do something with the kids and me today, but he's not that into it as he's mad at me, so I feel that I should give him space while I work on this. Hopefully as I show him I'm not drinking, our relationship will get better.
The kids and I are going to a carnival later, so hopefully that will help distract me. I'm kind of sad that my husband doesn't understand why I can't just quit, why it's so difficult for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
Hi and Welcome,
Many of us, me included, found the same thing. It's very hard for others to understand alcoholism, which is why it's a good idea to come here. We do understand. The best thing you can do is to continue to stay sober and work on your recovery. You will find lots of inspiration here, so I hope you keep posting.
Many of us, me included, found the same thing. It's very hard for others to understand alcoholism, which is why it's a good idea to come here. We do understand. The best thing you can do is to continue to stay sober and work on your recovery. You will find lots of inspiration here, so I hope you keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Welcome to the forum.
I was in a similar situation in my disaster of a marriage. My X didn't understand why I couldn't quit and would throw a fit if I even hinted at going to inpatient. I kept pushing myself til I couldn't go on any more, and attempted suicide when the walls completely close in.
If you believe you need inpatient to get through this then I think that has to be number one priority. I think it is selfish of him to not be willing to take care of the children for a month while you get your recovery started.
I was in a similar situation in my disaster of a marriage. My X didn't understand why I couldn't quit and would throw a fit if I even hinted at going to inpatient. I kept pushing myself til I couldn't go on any more, and attempted suicide when the walls completely close in.
If you believe you need inpatient to get through this then I think that has to be number one priority. I think it is selfish of him to not be willing to take care of the children for a month while you get your recovery started.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 120
Thanks OpioPhobe and Anna.
I just couldn't fathom why he called me selfish for saying I need help and this is something that can help get me started. My insurance would have covered it and I could take FMLA time off. My husband was also worried that I would get fired for taking a month off with little notice. Ugh, but going to work plastered every day won't get me fired??! Luckily, I mostly work from home, so I don't have to drive to work most days.
I tried AA before and counseling but, I wasn't ready yet to admit that I had a problem. I felt too ashamed. So I lied about the extent of my drinking and I don't think I ever really addressed or tried to understand why I was drinking so much.
The funny thing is, we have family near by who could help while I was gone. My husband isn't even working right now and the kids are school age.
I've told him how he can support me - one way I told him that I liked was that he give me positive reinforcement each day that I didn't drink. He doesn't understand why I find it helpful. I told him that he doesn't have to understand, but could he please do it? I mean, it's free and takes 10 secs a day!
I think part of it is just the habit of it, it's 12:37pm MST and I probably would have had 4-6 drinks by now. I used to start at 5 or 6am and drink all day until 8pm. Sometimes, many times, black out and be a raging bitch to my husband over small irritations.
The past two weeks I have cut way back, from I'd say 3-4 bottles of wine a day. So right now, so far, I'm physically feeling not as bad as I have before when I tried to stop drinking. I had to gradually cut down so I could still function, somewhat [go to work, care for the kids].
It seems, at least right at this exact moment, the challenge is the mental habit.
I just couldn't fathom why he called me selfish for saying I need help and this is something that can help get me started. My insurance would have covered it and I could take FMLA time off. My husband was also worried that I would get fired for taking a month off with little notice. Ugh, but going to work plastered every day won't get me fired??! Luckily, I mostly work from home, so I don't have to drive to work most days.
I tried AA before and counseling but, I wasn't ready yet to admit that I had a problem. I felt too ashamed. So I lied about the extent of my drinking and I don't think I ever really addressed or tried to understand why I was drinking so much.
The funny thing is, we have family near by who could help while I was gone. My husband isn't even working right now and the kids are school age.
I've told him how he can support me - one way I told him that I liked was that he give me positive reinforcement each day that I didn't drink. He doesn't understand why I find it helpful. I told him that he doesn't have to understand, but could he please do it? I mean, it's free and takes 10 secs a day!
I think part of it is just the habit of it, it's 12:37pm MST and I probably would have had 4-6 drinks by now. I used to start at 5 or 6am and drink all day until 8pm. Sometimes, many times, black out and be a raging bitch to my husband over small irritations.
The past two weeks I have cut way back, from I'd say 3-4 bottles of wine a day. So right now, so far, I'm physically feeling not as bad as I have before when I tried to stop drinking. I had to gradually cut down so I could still function, somewhat [go to work, care for the kids].
It seems, at least right at this exact moment, the challenge is the mental habit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
Rather than do the month inpatient and put that stress on your family by leaving, I would suggest you commit to 90 AA meetings in 90 days. That should help keep you sober, in addition to getting a sponsor and working the steps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
Have you thought about an intensive outpatient program (IOP)? Your insurance would probably cover that as long as you got it preapproved. The one I went to was three nights a week for like 2-3 hours. It was a great experience.
You might tell him about a book called, "Healing the Addicted Brain" by Harold Urschel. I've read snippets about it; my IOP facilitator said it is great for others to better understand what we go through.
You might tell him about a book called, "Healing the Addicted Brain" by Harold Urschel. I've read snippets about it; my IOP facilitator said it is great for others to better understand what we go through.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,509
RainbowBird - I'm so glad you found us & shared what you're going through. Believe me, we all understand.
No one in my life had a clue how hard it was for me to stop. They are all social drinkers. That's why being here at SR was so important for me. Instead of criticism & judgment, I found encouragement. It gave me the strength to begin my journey to a sober life. We know you can do it.
No one in my life had a clue how hard it was for me to stop. They are all social drinkers. That's why being here at SR was so important for me. Instead of criticism & judgment, I found encouragement. It gave me the strength to begin my journey to a sober life. We know you can do it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
