Emzeh

Good evening folks,

So last time I hit a recovery 'snag' I made a thread and got some amazing feedback that I wrote down in bullet points in my recovery notebook to refer back to when I get to that point again. I can vouch that it has helped a great deal already, I would recommend it (Only been a few days since)

So my next snag...opening up.

I am the kind of person that people joke about having a cold dead heart...and not in a mean way although it must sound like that...I just find it very difficult to convey emotions.

Does anyone else have this issue? Do you feel it affected your recovery in anyway and if so how did you combat that?

Whenever I open up in a post I have this niggling feeling that I am whining! Even though everyone is super supportive on here.

Again...looking forward to hearing your thoughts and stealing your ideas :-)

Anna

I think that opening up will help you in your recovery and in your life in general. When I stopped drinking I had to make boundaries for myself, because I realized that, with friends & family, sometimes I shared too much and sometimes too little. I had to figure out what worked for me.

Don't worry about sounding like you're whining. We understand how hard this is and we're here for you.

biminiblue

I agree with Anna, that opening up is helpful in sorting through things...but I have learned to be cautious in choosing with whom I am going to be opening up and about what I am going to share.

thomas11

I feel your pain, I would much rather stay quiet or talk about someone else's hardships, than talk about how I feel. I deal with it by picking and choosing who and when I open up to. To be honest, I have really only opened up to my wife and this forum. I'm a pretty private person. Getting some sobriety time under your belt helps because you don't feel as "raw" after awhile.

Emzeh

Thanks guys and gals, I'm lucky that I have a really good support network and they know what I am like, I'm only just being open about my drink problem to my partner and family and I think because I'm usually so withdrawn it's the first time I've properly put my foot down and said 'no, I am a drunk'

Maggie0119

I have the same problem. I tried AA meetings but as much as I wanted to talk I just couldn't get myself to do it. I hope as I get more days under my belt that I gain the strength to try it again. SR has been a lifesaver for me. I am reading posts as much as I can and it really helps.

Emzeh

I just know that AA or any kind of face to face meeting won't be for me... but the support on SR is so amazing so stay around Maggie :-)

MissPerfumado

I dislike discussing my emotions. In fact I have trouble identifying them although I'm getting better at that.
To deal with my emotions I engage in a lot of self-talk. So long as I can talk myself out of depressed, fearful or angry thinking, I believe I am doing ok and don't feel it affects my recovery. It's not about repression but about independent self-care. But then I am a HUGE believer in dealing with my own stuff myself.

PhoenixJ

There is a whiner's thread here at SR. Kind of looks at life in the silly opening statement at how serious alcoholism is. For me being able to laugh at how crap I usually feel about pretty much everything is good. The thread is
s definitely serious in it's intent. It seems a little easier to begin, or read a post that starts "hello whiners..."

Emzeh

That's some great feedback, I am relatively the same. We do a bit of a psychometric test when we are interviewing at work and luckily I got the job before this because apparently I am technically a sociopath!

I have found writing everything down has helped

Emzeh

Can you point me in the right direction or link me please PJ?

Dee74

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wobble-13.html

I think learning to open up and reach out are skills...and like any other skill we have to learn them...the more we try the better we get.

Sometimes when I wondered if I shouldn't be at this point, or that one, by now...someone said to me...'what if you're right where you need to be right now'?

I've never forgotten that

Emzeh

Thanks Dee x

keeppushing

My wife calls me Spock. My personal experience, and this is not only about alcoholism, is that I was (am still to some degree) a people pleaser. I was so scared of upsetting people that not only did I not learn how to connect to people (socialise, make friends, etc.) but I did not know how to stand up for myself. What helped me was what they call exposure. You can look up the details but it goes something like this: imagine doing it, do it in small doses, do it in longer doses. The important part is to never stop until the feeling subsides. For example, start with a lot of "likes" on the forums, then slowly add simple responses (Welcome!) then one line responses, building up to starting your own thread.

But that was me. Good luck.

KP

Emzeh

Good idea keeppushing, thankyou. Im still very awkward at hello when its a thread involving many people

Emzeh

It's strange, I couldn't give two toss about what people might think of me physically, but what people might think of me as a person is so big for me

keeppushing

It's what you value. When you look at people, what do you judge? Face? Body? How they dress? How they talk? How they act? How they treat others? That might give you a clue into how you reverse project their thinking.

Also, my therapist told me to try and stop judging people as that would help me learn to stop thinking others are judging me.

KP

Emzeh

I think I am not very judgemental of others as a general rule, but I think an important thing for me is the mind, my boss has always said I care a lot about what people think of me, he also says he can generally read people but I am like a closed book. There are advantages to that but when it comes to close personal relationships it bombs!