Nostalgia
 

Well, today is the one year anniversary of my best friend’s death. That happening is why I joined this group. He was the only person I could talk to about chemical dependency who understood how it was taking over my life. I had no one to talk to about losing him and how devastated I was. I basically wasted my entire time at rehab just crying over him. I got no sympathy from my family or boyfriend who saw him as just another alcoholic who was probably a bad influence on me. I still miss him a lot, but it isn’t the same kind of crushing emptiness and loneliness I felt last winter. It was a privilege knowing him, but I think I can move on now.

My birthday was in October, so I’m 27 now. I’ve been in this stagnant subculture for about 14 years. It’s nice to start feeling like myself again after not giving a **** about anything for so long, even if it’s essentially the aesthetic of depression and death obsession. I really neglected myself for a couple years. I’m 8 days sober now, breaking a new record for 2016, and 3 months since I quit smoking. I haven’t even felt like drinking these past few days but I don’t know why (no, it's not just my car!). This depression in sobriety feels different than when I was wasted all the time. It feels like my normal, dysthymic state of being, how I usually view myself. Drinking ripped the beauty out of everything. I see that now.

V- your words tell a story. Grief is part of healing. Friends, lost opportunities- et al. Good to 'find' ourselves with beauty still there. Hard to do.

I'm really sorry for your loss Vulturine, but I'm glad you're with us.

D

I'm sorry too for all the pain you've had to deal with. I agree that drinking takes the joy and hope from life. Very happy you're with us, Vulturine.

I'm sorry for your loss too Vulturine. I can hear lots of hope and moving forward with sobriety in your post though, I'm glad you are in that place.