SunnyDenver

Hi All, it's been a while since I last posted so I thought I'd share an update. I'm on Day 12 after among my worst binges to date. What do people do to remember the awful, terrible feelings of their binges? If I could capture those feelings in a bottle (so to speak) and open when needed I would. It was a 3-5 day binge (not sure how long - but I can tell from the empty bottle count). I know I drove drunk to the store multiple times, which scares the heck out of me. I smashed my windshield trying to get out of my apartment parking garage. I threw up so violently on the last day (I vaguely remember this) I trashed my esophagus and wasn't able to swallow whole food for 4 days- anyone else ever had this problem? it still hurts a bit but thankfully I didn't tear anything, but wow that was scary. The sweats were terrible, my gastro was in knots and the heart was racing. My apartment was trashed and my anxiety was through the roof. I'm 49 years old and my body just can't take this anymore. Before, I felt I could feel almost fully normal after 3-4 days sober. Today, on day 12, I am still dog tired and finally had a semi-normal sleep last night. I think the severity of this binge and how long I felt like crap afterward has helped me to coast to Day 12 fairly easily. Now I need to put a plan into action because I know when I am feeling 100 percent my alcoholic brain is going to want me to forget all the bad stuff - again. I am not going to let that happen.

january161992

hi sunny

12 days is awesome !!!

i relate to some of the things you mentioned

you are not alone

i had to get into enough pain to become willing to go to aa and follow direction

today my life is incredibly better

God bless

entropy1964

Yep. Slow learner, fast forget-er. I can remember the pain of my last bender if I want to. If I don't, I won't. Its a matter of taking pause and thinking things through....with pretty much everything.

I hope you had the esophagus checked out by a dr. Don't want to mess with that.

I hope you apply some kind of program to your recovery. I know I can't do this on my own.

FreedomCA

Congrats on Day 12. You mentioned several reasons why you should not want to go back to drinking! I am feeling well on Day 22. Keep it up!

5upersonic

9 days is a great start. Maybe write about the pain and anguish you felt after that binge, with as much detail as possible. You can then read it back if you feel tempted. I have a scar on my forehead which reminds me every time I look in the mirror.

carlingford

Well done SunnyD, thanks for your post, 54 yrs old and on 68 days clean myself and still have problems sleeping and my conative functions not fully back yet, I put it down to PAWS. I went to a councillor unfortunately not an alcohol councillor but stayed for the session and she told me after I told her about my drinking problem, she said that "pain has no memory" how true!! your post reminded me what she said. My body just cannot do it anymore. As a result of my non cognitive performance I was sacked yesterday for non performance and I'm now working a weeks notice and handing my work over to work colleague's. They do not know that I drink in work and have been in my new job about just 80 days, I have to now look for another job just before Christmas, imagine with wife and 3 Children. I will never drink again and will never change my mind, good luck to you and hope you recover fully.