jimmyhow

I've been here a few times, I'll be here again...I'm drunk now and can feel the **** coming on. I've had a good night, everyone's gone home to bed...I'm here, still up on the verge of being 'normally' drunk to being ****** up dodgy, aggressive, negative and happily crazed drunk. You know the feeling...how do I not do this?

jimmyhow

It's that feeling where everything means the world, everything's a debate and it's all worth staying up all night when really it's just drink. An excuse to drink...My other halfs gone to bed and I know for both our sakes I should stop. I'm typing this so it distracts me from whatever else I could be doing....

jimmyhow

I'm newish here but I've been here a million times and can't stop it...

jimmyhow

It's nearly ******* Christmas, I don't need this **** again...

AAPJ

Friend I have no answers just my encouragement and support to offer. Tomorrow is another day. I hope it will be a sober one for you. Best wishes.

Dee74

hi Jimmy

You had nearly a month last time you checked in...what had you been doing to not drink - whats your recovery plan been like?

D

Steely

You don't have to have it again Jimmy. That's the reward in not drinking.

jimmyhow

I've not checked in for a month but I was doing fine - I was doing fine....I stopped and started and stopped and started....same ****, different year. I really don't see the difference anymore between not drinking and minimising my drinking. Neither works. I know it's me. It's not the booze or God or friends or influencers. It's me. Only I can do this. But how????

Dee74

I look at it this way Jimmy.

I gave over 20 years to drinking...giving just over a month to not drinking is not really a fair trial.

I needed several months before my brain recovered from the insanity of drinking...even 2 months sober I was still full of bad ideas.

You need to give recovery a real shot Jimmy.

Start again - find support use that support and make some real changes in your life. I guarantee that after a few months you'll be glad you did

D

jimmyhow

Dee, I know this makes no difference, but I'm english/Irish and it's not in my make up to admit defeat. If I stop drinking, I have to go to war with everybody and everything I know. That's not an exaggeration; that's what we do instead of therapy. You bury the truth, bury every ******* hurtful thing that's ever happened under a massive layer of booze and drugs. When you day this to people, they hug you and raise a glass and offer you a joint or a line. How on earth can I get out of this???? I feel like just walking off and never coming back.

jimmyhow

Everyone one the face of it loves a drink, scratch below the surface and all hell breaks loose...I literally have no one to turn to. All my friends are ****** in the head...

Dee74

Nope sorry - thats a big cop out.
I'm Australian Jimmy - English and Irish descent.

Instead of waging war, I learned to make peace.

I made new friends, not just drinking buds.

If I can do it you can too.

jimmyhow

It's pathetic I know. I'm trying to move on. I've got family and can't get away, so I'm trying to...**** knows...how do you bury bad blood that goes back years? I can't go away. I'm working on it.

There's no such thing as alcoholics anonymous here, it'd just not a thing. I can't go...

jimmyhow

I'm trapped between alcohol and a hard place, alcohol and a rock, alcohol and an impossible situation. And alcohol and a **** load of drugs. Thats another story; I'm feeling pretty doomed.

jimmyhow

I literally can't stop. I'm dwelling on bad **** that goes back years. The more I drink, the more I feel nothing.

I just feel bad for everyone I know who can't do this. CNt type, go on forums etc...

ScottFromWI

It's not an impossible situation at all jimmy, that's another cop out your addiction would have you believe. You are drunk now, it would be best to get some water and rest so you can have a chance to work on this tomorrow.

Berrybean

There is AA all over the UK. In every part of it. Maybe not on your doorstep, but your nearest won't be all that far away, not if you really want to stop. Besides, literature is all available online, as well as recorded versions you can listen to, and online speaker recordings. AA has never been easier to access.

And if yiu don't use AA, then you can still devise yiur own plan and work on that. But it is work. And whichever way we go about it needs a willingness to change. Because, like you say, it's US that is the problem. Lets face it - if our old thinking worked we wouldn't end up here. Hopeless and fully of self-pity and self-loathing, anger and despair. And after all, if nothing changes, then nothing will change.

I'd suggest doing a postcode check on the AA site (again, if you tried once before) and also reading through the links on Dee's thread about making a plan. No one can do this stuff, or find the willingness, for us.

You can choose to continue in this madness, or choose recovery. I'm so glad I chose the latter and my life, 30 months later, feels so different. I saw that for me, continuing the madness really wasn't an option. I chose life.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

PhoenixJ

Dee has it in the nutshell. Keep posting.

MrPL

Hi Jimmy,

I was there not long ago mate. I am also in the UK and have a family, drinking would start when wife and kids were in bed and just escalate to oblivion. My little secret, fun to start with, I d play some guitar, towards the end I'd pass out every so often only to wake up and get another drink straight away.

Like you I realised it had to end and I also thought it would be a war with everyone and everything, but you know what, once you make the decision and you are confident about it you ll have that the things and people around you will actually help you, end of the day everyone just wants to see you happy and healthy.

You can do this mate, stay clear of the booze for a few days, then your clarity will come and you can work on a solid recovery plan. A lot of this negativity is alcohol, not the real you.

P

RedAndy

Hi Jimmy,

Another here from the UK too mate and got to say I also agree with Dee - we can all make excuses for reasons to continue down the path but once you've arrived here you know what the answer really is.

You know your own mind and the problems this is causing you - friends (true friends) and family will only be supportive but the real fact is that to sort things out you have to turn your back on the lifestyle you have become accustomed too - you make that decision that enough is enough and no matter what you put your all in to it like your life depends on it. Walking away from what you know is not easy but it's crucial in my opinion for success.

Seek help, whatever it takes, rule nothing out, face to face is definitely beneficial - stick close to this place and don't be afraid to talk about what you are feeling and what you are going thro - past and present - there's so many here that can relate and give you plenty of support and advice - some good advice already here - the most important at this moment though being the need to sober up and get a clear head then work on a recovery plan - don't be afraid of what others might think they are not you and they are not living your life - you are and it's clearly not comfortable continuing going round and round in circles - I did this for years until I finally got it and put a stop to it, until you do you will inevitably only keep returning to where you now find yourself - the good news is you don't have to.

You also don't have to shout it from the rooftops if you don't want to - confide in people you know you can trust to respect your decision but most of all do this for you, it really is the best thing you will ever do.

No such word as can't - you can do this believe me you really can.

You are in control of your own destiny - do this for you and don't give in for anyone or anything.

Good luck mate - look forward to seeing you around