Really struggling.
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Hey Mera
I wasn't at all arguing that you are experiencing big issues with PAWS. My point was that I do know someone who seemed equally perplexed by their problems but did see relief over time. It just took a couple years of complete abstinence! Which sucks for sure.
I wasn't at all arguing that you are experiencing big issues with PAWS. My point was that I do know someone who seemed equally perplexed by their problems but did see relief over time. It just took a couple years of complete abstinence! Which sucks for sure.
Your reply to Endgame, IMO, is a bit of an over complication of the OP. The very basic foundation of recovery, not drinking, is the part one has to get 'perfectly'. That's why Step 1 of AA is truly the most important part. But the rest of life and one's efforts to live in honesty and spirituality do not need perfection. I think he might have been referring to your post about your hygiene ritual to remove any sign of tobacco smoke. It seemed a bit extreme. I think the posts about simply being honest with your boyfriend made the most sense. You spent a lot of time, effort and mental obsession trying to rid yourself of the evidence. Being honest would have been a heck of a lot easier 
I don't know if you're a perfectionist or not. You do seem to be hard on yourself. Honesty to oneself and to others is something I definitely need to strive for if I'm to recover.
I don't know if you're a perfectionist or not. You do seem to be hard on yourself. Honesty to oneself and to others is something I definitely need to strive for if I'm to recover.
Thanks also for this. I had sent time crafting (deliberate choice of word there) what I felt was the perfect response to EndGame and, before settling in for a nap, ... *mic drop*
I woke up to this and you are so right, thank you for opening my eyes to what he meant. I can see now my crazy behaviour and that it would have just been a whole lot easier- and mentally healthier- to admit I messed up rather than try to cover a lie and spend so much time and effort erasing the fact that I have not found perfection in that.
I really, really like what you said at the end and will take it to heart: "Honesty to oneself and others is something I definitely need to strive for if I am to recover" While perfection is the goal and laudable, being able to also admit failure to oneself and others is just as important for personal growth. Thanks again.
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i don't know if you're solely referring to not smoking and drinking with your mentioning of perfection as the goal, but if you're speaking in generalities, i'll just say that i don't understand it.
it's been an ongoing challenge in my life, after having been raised with my understanding that if i couldn't perform perfectly i wasn't worth much. that being who i was and achieving what i could/did was always insufficient and that linking this to approval ratings by the parental unit was so closely linked to love...dogged me all my life.
resulted in lots of reactionary stuff, from not trying to trying over and over to lots of anger and pain.
my goal is not perfection, and while i can appreciate the concept of "striving constantly for improvement", i see the toll that takes, also.
i've done a lot of wrestling with the concept that "the good is the enemy of the best", but most certainly "the best is the enemy of the good" also.
i've come to see this mostly by seeing my youngest continue to almost drive herself into the ground because "good" isn't "good enough".
as you can see, Mera, this topic hit a nerve. and quite possibly none of this meshes with anything you were actually speaking of.
thanks for sharing your space, unasked though you were
it's been an ongoing challenge in my life, after having been raised with my understanding that if i couldn't perform perfectly i wasn't worth much. that being who i was and achieving what i could/did was always insufficient and that linking this to approval ratings by the parental unit was so closely linked to love...dogged me all my life.
resulted in lots of reactionary stuff, from not trying to trying over and over to lots of anger and pain.
my goal is not perfection, and while i can appreciate the concept of "striving constantly for improvement", i see the toll that takes, also.
i've done a lot of wrestling with the concept that "the good is the enemy of the best", but most certainly "the best is the enemy of the good" also.
i've come to see this mostly by seeing my youngest continue to almost drive herself into the ground because "good" isn't "good enough".
as you can see, Mera, this topic hit a nerve. and quite possibly none of this meshes with anything you were actually speaking of.
thanks for sharing your space, unasked though you were
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Join Date: Jul 2015
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AA has changed my life, there has been times when Ive got bored, frustrated even felt brainwashed by it, but ulitmately the 12 step programme has helped me stay sober. Its been bloody hard I wont lie to you, and many times I felt like picking up on those days I tell myself that it WILL pass and it does and all I have to do is not drink for today. I wish you well on your journey my lovely, keep EVERYTHING in the day, that helps me no matter what comes my way I focus on the present, in turn that reduces my anxiety thus reduces the urge to drink. X x x
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I just wanted to add that I recently started taking medication for anxiety, and I feel like a total dummy now! I feel that my medicine effects my cognitive function, my memory, and it makes my thoughts come soooo sloooowly. So often I feel like I'm speaking at half speed, but that's because my mind works much slower now. It's frustrating at times, but I feel that being slow and foggy is better than panic attacks at 4 am.
I feel that my medicine effects my cognitive function, my memory, and it makes my thoughts come soooo sloooowly. So often I feel like I'm speaking at half speed, but that's because my mind works much slower now. It's frustrating at times, but I feel that being slow and foggy is better than panic attacks at 4 am.
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Hi friends, I just wanted to update that things seemed to have settled down, I am feeling much better these days. I am not sure what happened, but I do know keeping alcohol out of my body has surely helped.
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Hi friends, I just wanted to update that things seemed to have settled down, I am feeling much better these days. I am not sure what happened, but I do know keeping alcohol out of my body has surely helped.
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