noneever

I am sitting here, close to having a panic attack. The full financial affect of having wasted so much time and money on drinking and not working this past year is hitting me hard. I have to move house in 2 weeks, am behind in my rent and have zero money for a bond for a new place. I owe around $5000 in various bills. I have debt collectors chasing me. My car needs servicing and needs repairing for various dings. Christmas and birthdays are looming fast.
I am overwhelmed. I am not drinking and am back at work but it's going to take months to get out of this mess. A relative of mine may be able to rent me their place for a few months but it's an hour away from work and kids school. Rent would be cheap and there's only a few weeks left of school but the thought of uprooting the kids while they're with me (I do shared care with their Dad) is making me feel ill. Plus, I don't know how keen the relative is to rent to me as they want to sell their place in the near future.
I have screwed up so badly because of drinking. I have no one to blame but myself. Please help me refocus and think clearly.

Dee74

It took me about a year to get out and back on top nonever.

I'm not dismissing your fear or overwhelmedness at all, but sometimes you just gotta chip away at it, piece by piece week by week...you'll get there

Do they have any kind of government or state run rental bond loans in the US? That's been handy for me here.

D

Hut

Hi
I'm sorry that you're going through all these difficulties. Stay strong and remember that if you were still drinking while trying to deal with this, things would be much worse.

The hour away accomodation is not ideal but it will have to do. Sleep early wake up early.

Discuss it with the relative and see if you can reach a clear agreement on tenancy length and rent. There is no shame in asking for help. We all need it sometime.

I would bet that having you sober is worth more than staying in that house for your family.

Living away doesn't have to be permanent and now that your time isn't taken by drinking you could spend it strengthening your family bond. You may make new friends there and they may grow to like it.

Change is always hard specially when its forced on you. But trust in God or the universe to go through this phase as a reminder of why you must stay sober and what really matters to you.

Dont worry about christmas and birthdays yet. Focus on your sobriety and sorting out an accomodation.

Take care

Tonymblue

That anxiety will dissipate as the "drink" leaves your body. It takes time to get out of the hole that we dig from alcohol. Im still working on it myself. Everyday will be better than than the one before. You can do it. Stay dry and you'll get there.

noneever

Thanks guys.

Dee, I'm in Oz....

Dee74

LOL...I somehow missed that - sorry noneever.

My local Dept of Housing in Qld gives Bond Loans to anyone not just Dept of Housing clients.

You have to meet the weekly income and other criteria tho.

https://www.qld.gov.au/housing/renti...n-eligibility/


You pay it off a little per pay, interest free.

If you're not in the Sunshine State, other states have similar deals? Better than one of those high interests thingys.

NSW
http://www.housingpathways.nsw.gov.a...tart-bond-loan

VIC
http://www.housing.vic.gov.au/bond-loan-scheme

NT
https://nt.gov.au/property/renters/h...private-rental

WA
http://www.housing.wa.gov.au/housing...s/default.aspx

SA
https://www.sa.gov.au/topics/housing...-bond-and-rent

ACT
http://www.assistance.act.gov.au/adu...ds_loan_scheme

hope you're not in Tassie - couldn't find anything Govt run but there is Anglicare

https://www.anglicare-tas.org.au/ser...ousing-connect

D

Ruby2

Noneever, that's an awful feeling that I've had myself. What's helped me is to make lists. What needs to be taken care of first? You'll have to prioritize.

Second, a gratitude list. You're employed. You have a roof over your head and a car. The dings don't need to be fixed now unless they're making the car unsafe.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself that this won't last forever. It took a while to get where you're at, it'll take some time to get out.

But just keep plugging away. And look into those links Dee put up.

Delilah1

Hi Nonever,

First, glad you are here and sober. Digging out from under some of the consequences of our drinking is difficult.

I know how stressful money situations can be. My husband and I are currently working on getting out of debt caused by his unemployment, and my disability for health reasons. After trying many other options (debt consolidations, cutting our expenses..) we ended up deciding to file chapter 13 bankruptcy, which was far from an easy decision. We have created a very strict budget that will allow us to make the payment which we hope the court agrees to in December. It will take five years of payments, and our credit will take a hit, but it is a plan, and I felt so much better having things settled, uncertainty is much more difficult,

If you are able to rent from your family temporarily and able to save some money to get back on track then take advantage of it. I know the hour long commute will be difficult, try to make it fun for the kids: music, road games, best/worst part of your day conversations.

I have been sober since January 1st, and as part of my recovery I have been working on putting all aspects of my life back together: health (physical and mental) , diet, fianances...
Slowly I have seen improvements in each area.

Hang in there, and lean on us for support as much as you need to.

❤️Delilah

noneever

Wow, thanks so much for those links Dee, will look into them after work today.

All of you- your support is so appreciated. After some food, a decent sleep and no alcohol for another night, I'm feeling more hopeful today. I've figured I can only do what I can do for now and need to let the rest go. Worrying isn't going to solve anything and if anything will just make my anxiety skyrocket and the temptation to drink high.
Patience and slowly continuing to move forward are what's needed.

Bobbieka

Chip away at it one item at a time, one problem at a time. As they continue to go away, you feel stronger. Don't ignore anything anymore - it doesn't just go away. Breath. A year from now you will be like - "hey, look at me!"

MidnightRider

Good for you! New perspectives and positive determination!

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Try to be patient and have faith that you can get through this.

thomas11

You have no reason to trust or believe me, but I will share my experience. I've had some success in life and I have had some monumental failures, drinking only complicated all of them. It took a life changing injury and losing my company for me to quit, but I did. I have no regrets. It may have saved my life.

You can get through this, but you will have to roll up your sleeves and get to work. Stay committed and disciplined, and try not panic. I assure you, it can be done. You can come out the other side a much better person.

Skylark1964

The lesson is being taught and the teacher stands backs and remainds silent.

August252015

This is great advice. I echo the chip away- for me, I just had to get enough of a clear head to get started. I still remember sitting down with a stack of bills from evvvvveryone and starting with the phone calls. One at a time. I had let my situation get completely out of hand.

My first sponsor would tell me that the things we say we'd never to do might be what we have to do to survive then get on the other side (move, get a roommate, whatever, etc)....and that's ok. It is all temporary. Another thing she asked me often was "what are you going to do next?" At first, I'd say something like "oh, well, I work at noon and I need to go by the grocery before and -" and she'd interrupt me and say, "NO. What are you doing NEXT?" "Oh. I guess....finish my coffee while we talk then get in the bath?" I finally got the hang of what she was telling me, and try to hang on to it every day, even with some of the big problems behind me. I can promise you that some months, some amount of time from now, you will look back and be amazed at how things happened and that you are ok, wherever you are. If you stay sober.

Being sober, we can fix our problems. Somehow. Eventually. Not now, usually, or as quick as we'd like or without pain.

Also- I had to learn to accept and even more importantly, possibly, ASK FOR help. People will help you. Even in little ways- a ride to a meeting, for me, as an example- it can help you feel less alone and like things will be ok. I still work on this one!

One step, and one decision at a time. I can also promise you that when my mountain- a lot of things similar to what you describe- was looming the biggest, it really was one decision at a time. Sometimes that was ok, here's what I have in the fridge and I literally have food for dinner. Done.

You can do it. Don't drink. Keep going.

Delizadee

I fought so hard against all the things I was losing, even long after I had good and lost them.

It really took me getting honest with myself, properly sober with support, and accepting things as they were - acceptance - before I could start rebuilding.
To be honest, I am rebuilding nothing but myself and my relationships. Those things matter.
I am still trying to climb out of the deep hole I'm in. It's going to take a long time and a lot of work and perseverance which I'm notoriously bad at except for drinking.
But I am ok with it now.
Probably because I'm slowly learning how to be ok with myself.
Give yourself time and don't give up, and reach out where and when you can- you will get through all of this.