FreedomCA

I haven't posted in awhile about my person progress, and so I wanted to check in. I slipped after having 16 days after a very heated verbal altercation with my sister. Fortunately, I was able to get back on track the next day after drinking and currently have 12 days. I learned from the slip that I need to limit my communication with my sister, as she is a huge stress trigger for me. She also played a part when I lost my 10.5 months of sobriety in late June 2016, in which that was another heated verbal altercation, although the relapse happened a week later when my husband got into a verbal altercation with my sister and got in her face (although I will admit that day was his fault, but I think he was triggered from how she treated me a week earlier.) Anyways, I am now accepting that I cannot change my sister, and that anytime I confide or talk to her I am risking losing my serenity and thus am closer to that first drink. It felt personally empowering when I canceled a Thanksgiving get together at her house a week prior to Thanksgiving, and how I also canceled taking my nieces (her two daughters) to the movies because doing so would definitely involve communications with her. It felt empowering because most people would put their nieces first; I chose instead to put my sobriety and me first, even though it meant canceling movie plans with my nieces to which they probably were excited.

Personally, I am feeling great and my career is growing.

I have realized that the only people I really like in my "family" are my husband and parents. I really don't like my sister, her inlaws, or my inlaws. And I really don't have a close relationship with my nieces because of my sister. And as much as I love my husband, he sometimes can get on my nerves because of his alcoholic drinking, and I also believe he often feels threatened by my sobriety because I am growing whereas he is staying stagnate in his life. And then there is the issue where I think he sometimes is supportive of his side of the family at the expense of supporting me. But I am coping with this by limiting contact with his family and not pursuing a lot of interaction with them.

So that is where I am. I do have an AA accountability friend/sponsor who is great, and I am currently working the steps which are quite helpful.

samsepiol

Good job for getting back on track

D122y

Free,

Totally relate. Some people are like bad weather.

I learned somewhere that pilots avoid thunderstorms if they can.

That is how I treat some people. Relatives included.

I have co-workers that mainly trigger me. I come home from work stressed.

I am working on it.

Thanks.

bexxed

One of the things ive learned is that a "trigger" is just life. Life can be hard sometimes. People can be difficult. If I drink, it's not their responsibility - it's mine. If I don't like spending time with them, I try not to. It's never a reason to drink though. There is no reason to drink.

Congrats on your sober time!

MidnightRider

Your doing great !
Keep going ..

Maudcat

Doing well, Freedom. Great that you got back onthe sober bus and that you recognized that some family members are not helpful to your recovery. Best to just let them be.

MLD51

I had to limit my contact with lots of people when I was newly sober. A lot of people didn't understand, and were hurt. I tried to explain it to them, but some didn't want to hear it. The people who truly care about me and support me understood. Those are the ones I have slowly let back in. It was really a matter of self-preservation, and preservation of my sobriety. Life is simpler without the people who don't "get it." Do what you need to do - this is a time to be a bit selfish.

FreedomCA

Thank you for your replies. And I do agree with Bex above that there is truly no reason to ever drink, so, theoretically, if I was to slip or relapse, there really is no rationalization for it because I chose to drink and possibly ruin my life. At the same time, it has been suggested in early recovery (source unknown) that we should avoid stressful people and situations, which can make a slip or relapse more likely. So I do think it is important to analyze the situation around which a relapse occurred so that maybe that situation can be learned from and avoided in the future to help make sobriety more likely. But it's true. If I drink and blackout and somehow kill someone, the judge most likely won't care how severe the trigger was - I'm most likely still going to jail. Nothing is an excuse to drink, and I am grateful and lucky to now have 13 days after my slip. And I am so glad that I kept my slip to 1 day because the addiction was a lot weaker which made getting back my day 1 easier than before, when my relapse was 3.5 months and I just couldn't seem to stop or break the daily cycle.