Thanks Dee74
 

You told me yesterday to re-read my posts/threads. Well I did and I cried. It's a sick psycho carousel ride I've been on.

In looking at the timestamps of my posts it seems I do the best when I frequent SR and participate daily. My weakness is thinking I can be a normal drinker. That's not true.

But my pattern is getting drunk, doing stupid things, blacking out, being hungover, feeling guilt, quit drinking, feel all better and healed, bruises are gone. Then I start slowly drinking socially, and that works for a few weeks. Then I start the whole cycle over again.

Thank you Dee74 for telling me to re-read my posts. I started at the very beginning. I needed that.

I <3 Dee

I have learned from you, sunshine, and figure I ought to tell you. What I've learned from you is that we can't be the way we were, just with drinking omitted.

I stopped drinking the final time god willing on August 11, and joined the August class, as you did. You had this exciting trip planned to CA to hang with friends and see GNR. You fell off on that trip even after talking about it a lot here. I played that tape, putting myself there, especially when quitting with a partner which I think is doubly hard because your AV can feed each other, and in addition to your own AV you have a partner's, too. Anyway I just decided after listening to you that I need to embrace letting go of everything, and building around sobriety. I think I was able to understand better what Dee and other old timers are trying to help us understand. It's a complete change, to the extent that it's really a transformation more than a change. I've overhauled every tradition that has alcohol, including old friends, trip plans, holiday plans, etc. the doing of that doesn't make me weaker, as I secretly thought (I thought that if I need to hide from booze I would never get sober muscles). It makes me stronger, amazingly! There's something about taking the reins of your life and saying "I choose sobriety in the following ways:" that is really empowering.

Anyway you helped that. I really hope that me telling you this helps you, because I feel like I owe you. <3

Dee is brilliant. :scoregood

Sometimes it takes awhile till we see things clearly. It sounds like you are ready to make the changes you need to make. :)

Dee is very patient and helpful - doing great work here.

It felt (feels?) a bit like waking up from The Matrix - like ohhhhhh my goodness I have been so very confused for so long.

Sometimes, when I am attempting to respond to a difficult post, I stop a minute and think, "What would Dee say?" No lie.

This is good stuff.....

Being able to gain insight from others. What ever or how ever that insight comes to us. We can all learn from each other.

This is the amazing thing about the dynamics of a place like SR.

Oh and Thanks Dee from MR too! I'm thinking about my sober plan and writing notes just about every day.

Wow you don't know how much you telling me that helps my self-esteem. I often feel like such a train wreck. Thank you...

Yep and I think I needed to come full circle with problem drinking, long time sobriety and then problem drinking again and now sober again. To see that drinking does NOT work for me. No matter what. I'm a hard headed stubborn mule and sometimes we need to learn from out own stupid mistakes. And for me that took alot of time.

I can identify with this statement.

It's really something that one needs to learn and with some of us...it takes a little time.

Way to go Sunshine for recognizing this ..

He certainly has a way with words. Its a gift.

Yes, Dee, I have to tell you: all 5 of my kids have expressed a desire to visit Oz at one point or another. I always say "the only thing I would want to do in Australia is ride my bike into the Outback (if I could secure enough water somehow..)". Now, after all you have helped us all, I guess I have two reasons to visit. I am relatively sure I will never visit Oz, but if I did, "Having a cup of coffee/tea with Dee" would be #1 on my ToDo list. Thank you Dee, for all you do.

Thanks for the kind words everyone :)

I'm really glad it helped Sunshine - that's awesome! :)
D

You remind me of me.
Stay sober and enjoy some serenity.
Good luck,
M-Bob

I've always been a firm advocate of revisiting that first post and more during tough times.


When the AV comes a calling,
And your willpower is trying to hide,
Others' words may escape you,
But your own cannot be denied.

where would we be without the guidance of so many and soft guiding hand of Dee....

This whole thread puts a big smile on my face!!
Thanks from me also, Dee. You and the other mods and SR are a big part of my sobriety. There were days early on when I felt like my December 2014 class was truly my lifeline. I am not sure I would have made it this far without the friends I have met here, some of whom I have met IRL now. I feel truly blessed and grateful!

So true. I re-read my day planner (it's a tome we call the Holy Day Planner around here, and has notes sections, to dos, lots of space on every single day) a lot- I see a lot of consistencies now, in what I am focusing on, praying about and trying to learn. I have a different notebook from the beginning that this thread just reminded me to re-read.

Sometimes, I used to drift into obsessively rereading blog posts, letters, emails, etc from my drinking days....usually counterproductive habit there. Much better to have a clear mind to review and keep going forward.

I also try to look back at threads that were somehow significant to me, and look for Dee's comments. Helpful the first time and on review, most often!

Re the comment in OP about coming here consistently, etc- I have found that my best weeks are those where I get 4-6 AA meetings. That's my goal now as part of my "keep it evenkeel" approach ;)

Best, all. Keep going, sunshine!