Always can make a justification....
 

Hey everyone,
It has been a longtime since I have posted. I'll give a bit of my story.

Been a heavy drinker ever since turning 21. I'm in my mid 40's now. Last year, was diagnosed with fatty liver, GI doc actually told me my MRI looked liked cirrhosis. Went over two months after hearing this staying sober, then had a biopsy, and it came out as fatty liver.

What did I do to celebrate it wasn't cirrhosis, I drank. I went back to my reasoning that I could drink in moderation. Not true. Even though I could drink one day then go 3 without drinking, it wasn't helping. I would down at least a bottle or two of red wine when I did drink. I just couldn't cope with being sober. I took a month and a half off of drinking 5 months ago, but then reasoned I could drink again. Always a reason, "oh, I'll stop tomorrow, that will be ok". I've always been able to handle it to not effect my job too bad, and I have a great job and family. Usually I would stop drinking by midnight so I could get my 6 hours of sleep. (That was another way I would justify my drinking - I'd tell myself how smart I am by going to bed by midnight and waking up early in the morning.)

We'll I now have pain all the time where my liver is and it extends to my back. Scared to go back to doctor for fear I have taken it to the cirrhosis stage. I know I need to stop drinking. I'm taking the first step and calling it quits today. Maybe Ina couple of months I'll get the nerve to go back to the doctor. I'm just sure they will find cirrhosis at that point.

I'm going to try to get on here everyday, and read what others say.

I had drinks last night and on Wednesday. Probably at least a bottle of red wine each night. Now I am just praying I can stay sober and that I have not taken the damage too far this past year.

I have read several stories on here, and I see how many people have been able to handle this and stay sober, I'm determined to be one of those. I can't change what I have done in my past which will haunt me.

I have not been able to sleep well at night, the chronic pain on the side of my liver and throughout my stomach. This is very tough to think about and causes me stress which then keeps me from sleeping.

The worst part is knowing it is all my fault for this and if I had been smart, I would of completely stopped last year.

Well, I'm back to trying to be sober for life with November 5th being day 1.

Look, it's good you're here. It would also be great if you can post every day - that's my plan. I'm back after a relapse last weekend. Of course, I'm sure you know this but drinking a whole bottle of wine each night is going to add to the reasons you don't sleep well. It can numb the nervous system for a bit but then everything just flares up - troubling thoughts, physical pain and so on.

It's taken me about four days to get a whole night's rest. I'm beginning to see things with a bit more clarity. This site is helping in this regard.

I really wish you well - we're on the same journey.

Welcome back to you both.

Welcome back Trying :)

I think for lasting success you need a little more than good intent and declarations tho - have you thought any on how you'll actually stay sober at all?

D

No matter how much I wanted it, I could not stop and stay stopped without help. I didn't know how to live without alcohol.

AA was the solution for me.

Welcome.

I was in a very similar physical situation. I was first told how close I was to cirrhosis THREE years before I quit. Three. It was only when this one dr gave me the sh*t talking to of my life this past Feb that I listened and heard. I knew it was quit drinking or die. Somehow I chose to live- it was indeed scary to get all the tests but I faced it. I am fortunate that my liver is totally normal now- retests at around 100 days- and a very hard AA program is the foundation for my great life now.

You can do it. Whatever you will have to face, it is much better sober.

Good luck. I hope you seek IRL support of all kinds for your health, sobriety and happiness.

Hi trying,
Well done for stopping now, I think if you are experiencing pain though, that you should think about seeing your doctor.
I know it's scary, but it might mean that you stop it getting worse and they might help you with staying alcohol free.

I'm glad you are back and ready to begin a sober life.

Do you have a plan for how you will stay sober? It's helpful to do that because there will be times when you are tempted to drink, and having a firm plan can help you get through those times.

You are right. I need a plan and I don't have one currently. Are there any online meetings that happen? Does anyone have any good books that can help lay out a plan. This isn't easy.

I don't think going to AA meetings is the right plan for me so looking for other ideas..

Good t hat you're putting a plan together. Dee has a great thread with lots of helpful links on it for doing this... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

In the meantime, while you're doing that read and post on here good n often, and take care of those HALT triggers (HUNGER-ANGER-LONELY-TIRED ). And one of them can set cravings off, and two or more at a time definitely make for uncomfortable sobriety.

Rooting for ya.

BB

That link above is pretty much a one stop shop for plans Trying.
I wouldn't count anything out in terms of what to do next

If you're scared you have cirrhosis but you're still drinking, that addictions got its hooks in you pretty good, yeah?

Fight it with all the help you can get :)

D

AA meetings aren't the plan. The 12-step program is the "plan" for recovery. The plan is outlined in the Big Book of AA. Have you read it? Please do before you dismiss out of hand what could save your life.

I repeat, save your life.

Welcome back Trying!! You can do this!! :)