i messed up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: lost
Posts: 32
i messed up
Hi everyone. I would like to say I'm ashamed and embarrassed to be back again in the shape I'm in. I wasn't gonna write anything and just secretly suffer in silence as I try once again to be sober. But I decided to man up and talk about it. The hangover today is so bad I can't even fathom why I would willingly do this too myself. If anyone is thinking of drinking I just want u to remember these feelings that I'm feeling now. Shame,dread,nausea,guilt,heart palpitations and the list goes on. I am back to try again,try harder this time. I wont make excuses as too why I went back to drinking I just did BC ihave an addiction and I'm obviously not doing what I need to do to stay sober! I'd also like to add that I'm so happy to be back on sr. I already feel better just getting these feelings out. Thanks to whomever reads this.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Thanks for coming back and posting! Why not join the 24-Hour Club, and share with others in the Class of November 2016 Thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-176-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6195046
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-176-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6195046
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Win,
I drank for 45 years before finally nearly collapsing and deciding to quit. I could drink over 500 ml of wisky easy. Not everyday thoug. But, would drink a 750 ml a week all the time.
I was a hard core drunken mess.
Getting really clean for these last 18 months has been worth it.
The education developed here w the strength of a clean body and mind will seriously change the lives of many of us.
I will never ever drink again.
SR is a Godsend.
Stay clean.
It is a whole new world.
I drank for 45 years before finally nearly collapsing and deciding to quit. I could drink over 500 ml of wisky easy. Not everyday thoug. But, would drink a 750 ml a week all the time.
I was a hard core drunken mess.
Getting really clean for these last 18 months has been worth it.
The education developed here w the strength of a clean body and mind will seriously change the lives of many of us.
I will never ever drink again.
SR is a Godsend.
Stay clean.
It is a whole new world.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
I know exactly what you mean when you say that the hangover should be so awful that you'd think the brain would rationally conclude that we should never drink again. And, of course, the opposite often happens. That right there is the evidence that alcoholism is a disease and therefore shouldn't cause us to judge ourselves for irrational behavior. It would be like finding it irrational to have a stuffy nose when you have a cold. It isn't rational or irrational; it just is.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Glad you are back. I have found the monthly threads and 24 hour thread very helpful. Why don't you pop into the November class, you will have the support of others at the same point in recovery.
You can do this!
You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: lost
Posts: 32
Thank u all. I will join Nov class now. I know deep down in my heart this is what I want more than anything. I am really gonna do alot more this time. It would mean the absolute world to me to be sober for the holidays so I can be 100 percent present for my family and myself. I really have a good life and its like I've accepted that this vicious cycle is just apart of life. Shampoo.rinse.repeat. But I'm not even a good drunk. I'm combative and extremely reckless. And apparently also a millionaire lol cause I just throw money all round when I'm drinking. Anyway I'm rambling now but my mind is just so discombobulated from the devil juice. Its time its really time to allow for the life i know is mine to grab
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fleeing Temptation in PTZ
Posts: 168
Confusion causes craving!
TRULY DECIDE and cravings dismiss much easier!
Replace it with sober fun and satisfaction fast.
You DON'T NEED poison booze.
Recover your past self.
Do or die!
.
TRULY DECIDE and cravings dismiss much easier!
Replace it with sober fun and satisfaction fast.
You DON'T NEED poison booze.
Recover your past self.
Do or die!
.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well done for getting back here. So, what can you learn from your relapse this time? Ie, where was the hole in you plan? Or, what part of your plan did you fail to see through? What can you do differently on this new start that you have been given?
Maybe have a look through the links on Dee's plan thread and get some ideas, because if nothing changes nothing changes.... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
You CAN do this.
Maybe have a look through the links on Dee's plan thread and get some ideas, because if nothing changes nothing changes.... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
You CAN do this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
I love your honesty and I am glad you are here.
I'm newly sober after a relapse and it's hard but worth it. The biggest issue for me is dealing with emotions sober! Even boredom is dangerous for me at the moment.
Definitely make a plan and I'm sure that'll stop you panicking when the cravings hit
I'm newly sober after a relapse and it's hard but worth it. The biggest issue for me is dealing with emotions sober! Even boredom is dangerous for me at the moment.
Definitely make a plan and I'm sure that'll stop you panicking when the cravings hit
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: MN
Posts: 93
Winnie - so so glad you came back. I think there are many on here (including me) that have relapsed and have come back to try again. Make a plan on what you can do to get your mind off the cravings when they hit.
Despite what some others might think in this world (outside of SR), this is a disease and it is very hard sometimes to fight it. All we can do is try and hope.
As for being so terribly sick one day and your mind lets you do it again.....somebody told me once it is kind of like childbirth. If your mind didn't let you forget all the pain of that, 99% of the people would not have another child. It is the same with alcohol - alcohol gives you something that you crave despite the pain.
Despite what some others might think in this world (outside of SR), this is a disease and it is very hard sometimes to fight it. All we can do is try and hope.
As for being so terribly sick one day and your mind lets you do it again.....somebody told me once it is kind of like childbirth. If your mind didn't let you forget all the pain of that, 99% of the people would not have another child. It is the same with alcohol - alcohol gives you something that you crave despite the pain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
Thanks for sharing, winniegirl. I totally relate to how you're feeling - I hope today is a better day for you. I also slipped this week and need to be back on my program/game plan. The feelings when you relapse are dreadful and I want to kick this thing for myself and my family. I definitely beat myself up mentally because the two weeks i was sober last month were great. I'm not sure why drives us all to repeat behavior we just know is bad for us. I guess it's just addiction pure and simple. Let us know how you're doing today!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Nice job Womaning up.
Suffering in silence is a good way to shield yourself from accountability and to make it easier to wind up right where you are again.
There's no shame in where you are. Shame will also lead you back there.
Where you are is a place many many of us have been. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I was there and 'suffered in silence' until later in the day when I was drinking again......
You will get to a point where enough is truly enough and you deeply WANT sobriety more than you want alcohol. I found that I could choose that place. I didn't have to keep on falling. I could decide one day "THIS IS REALLY IT. I AM CHOOSING TO EMBRACE SOBRIETY". And even as I had doubts and even as I wondered if I 'could' - I chose it again and again every day.
But just CHOOSING isn't enough.
We then must act.
It's easy to choose on a hungover morning.
It's harder to choose the next day, feeling a little better.
It's harder to ACT.... every day.
To walk through that door of an AA meeting or a SMART recovery meeting or to make an appointment with our therapist.
To harden up and set our judgement aside and to actually READ the Big Book to see what it has to offer us.
To choose new alternatives to going out to the bars.
To enroll in a painting class or guitar lessons or martial arts training or a gym and to GO THERE and to ACT in sobriety.
To say NO to invitations to booze-centric events.
To journal and to share honestly with others in sobriety.
To say out loud to others who we fear may judge us "I choose sobriety because I've determined that alcohol is just no longer compatible with how I want to live my life".
We must CHOOSE every day.... even on days when we feel like we could probably "have just a couple".
We must CHOOSE again and again, until that choice becomes simply our normal mode of living this blessed life.
We must ACT to reinforce that choice.... because a choice is simply something happening in our heads. It means nothing if not backed up by action. We form habits not in our minds but through our actions.
Choose. Act. Choose. Act.
And along the way, give thanks at every step.
Suffering in silence is a good way to shield yourself from accountability and to make it easier to wind up right where you are again.
There's no shame in where you are. Shame will also lead you back there.
Where you are is a place many many of us have been. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I was there and 'suffered in silence' until later in the day when I was drinking again......
You will get to a point where enough is truly enough and you deeply WANT sobriety more than you want alcohol. I found that I could choose that place. I didn't have to keep on falling. I could decide one day "THIS IS REALLY IT. I AM CHOOSING TO EMBRACE SOBRIETY". And even as I had doubts and even as I wondered if I 'could' - I chose it again and again every day.
But just CHOOSING isn't enough.
We then must act.
It's easy to choose on a hungover morning.
It's harder to choose the next day, feeling a little better.
It's harder to ACT.... every day.
To walk through that door of an AA meeting or a SMART recovery meeting or to make an appointment with our therapist.
To harden up and set our judgement aside and to actually READ the Big Book to see what it has to offer us.
To choose new alternatives to going out to the bars.
To enroll in a painting class or guitar lessons or martial arts training or a gym and to GO THERE and to ACT in sobriety.
To say NO to invitations to booze-centric events.
To journal and to share honestly with others in sobriety.
To say out loud to others who we fear may judge us "I choose sobriety because I've determined that alcohol is just no longer compatible with how I want to live my life".
We must CHOOSE every day.... even on days when we feel like we could probably "have just a couple".
We must CHOOSE again and again, until that choice becomes simply our normal mode of living this blessed life.
We must ACT to reinforce that choice.... because a choice is simply something happening in our heads. It means nothing if not backed up by action. We form habits not in our minds but through our actions.
Choose. Act. Choose. Act.
And along the way, give thanks at every step.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Originally Posted by Oct142016 
Despite what some others might think in this world (outside of SR), this is a disease and it is very hard sometimes to fight it. All we can do is try and hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: lost
Posts: 32
Good morning everyone. I am back for day 2. I feel much better although not 100 % which I know is normal. The body is an amazing thing,the way it recovers from what we put it through. Our minds however take alot longer to recover. Emotionally I am hopeful,scared,sad,grateful that I wont waste today tethered to my couch unable to enjoy life due to a hangover. I do have a big book and I will go out to my garage and locate it. If I don't find it I will go on my kindle and download it. I have started a gratitude journal this time and as I looked at the empty page this morning not knowing what to write It hit me that what I'm most grateful for today is the chance to start over,which many ppl don't get. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. But I'm just gonna take things as they come,day by day,try to forgive myself for the past,focus on the positive(my amazing family) and try not to be so hard on myself. I'm truly blessed to be here,I don't want to waste anymore of this precious life. Thanku all so much
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