I need to get it done,to move forward
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Albany ny
Posts: 105
I need to get it done,to move forward
WHO AM I!!
I recently attended a Sunday evening church service where the preacher ask the congregation to ask ourselves WHO AM I. And my answer is:
A fifty four year old black male
A college graduate
A father of four
A step father figure of four
An alcoholic
A significant other
An alcoholic in recovery
I am going to reflect on my alcoholism (and as of today I am fifty five days sober) I have spent twenty five plus years drinking (The plus is the nips of brandy I was given as a child for colds, ear infections, fevers). By my grandmother who by the way didn’t drink, But swore by that old-school remedy that it was a healer of most common ailments.(Bless her soul)It has begun to occur to me that I am no more than a dry drunk at this point. Yes I attend meetings and occasionally share on the safe topics, but I have yet to become truthful with myself. (Step Three)”Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. I find myself having difficulties with turning my will over completely, if my interpretation is correct it would have me come clean with my legal issues(A unpaid fine for my DWI.And back child support) and turn it all over to god. Now fear of what might be the consequences is a barrier for me. So I find myself STUCK.
I recently attended a Sunday evening church service where the preacher ask the congregation to ask ourselves WHO AM I. And my answer is:
A fifty four year old black male
A college graduate
A father of four
A step father figure of four
An alcoholic
A significant other
An alcoholic in recovery
I am going to reflect on my alcoholism (and as of today I am fifty five days sober) I have spent twenty five plus years drinking (The plus is the nips of brandy I was given as a child for colds, ear infections, fevers). By my grandmother who by the way didn’t drink, But swore by that old-school remedy that it was a healer of most common ailments.(Bless her soul)It has begun to occur to me that I am no more than a dry drunk at this point. Yes I attend meetings and occasionally share on the safe topics, but I have yet to become truthful with myself. (Step Three)”Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. I find myself having difficulties with turning my will over completely, if my interpretation is correct it would have me come clean with my legal issues(A unpaid fine for my DWI.And back child support) and turn it all over to god. Now fear of what might be the consequences is a barrier for me. So I find myself STUCK.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Congratulations on 55 days sober.
I don't really like the term 'dry drunk', but I firmly believe there is a lot more to recovery than stopping drinking. I had to make changes in my lifestyle, my thinking, my approach to life, and even what I had believed about myself.
I don't really like the term 'dry drunk', but I firmly believe there is a lot more to recovery than stopping drinking. I had to make changes in my lifestyle, my thinking, my approach to life, and even what I had believed about myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fleeing Temptation in PTZ
Posts: 168
How about writing heart felt letters or email to the court and child support?
Sharing your sober desire to amend, but not having enough now. Asking for their advice.
Maybe the DWI can be paid with service, and support in payments.
All to proudly complete your hard won steps.
.
.
.
Sharing your sober desire to amend, but not having enough now. Asking for their advice.
Maybe the DWI can be paid with service, and support in payments.
All to proudly complete your hard won steps.
.
.
.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Jeffry,
Alcohol abuse led me to some real bad places. I created some. Dry bad situations fo myself. I got sober and slowly but surely dug my way back out. You can do the same but it starts with sobriety. With 59days your doing great. Your not stuck my friend
Alcohol abuse led me to some real bad places. I created some. Dry bad situations fo myself. I got sober and slowly but surely dug my way back out. You can do the same but it starts with sobriety. With 59days your doing great. Your not stuck my friend
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hi Jeffrey, Congratulations on 55 days sober, that is wonderful....25 years of drinking can take a little time and adjustment. Let time do its thing along with working through your feelings and thoughts can only bring a better future.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
step 3 is just a decision to move forward with steps 4-7......knowing that you won't crumble doing this! No will to give, just a decision to make! Simple.
Try not over-complicating those simple steps!!! See what happens after you get to step 7.....
Try not over-complicating those simple steps!!! See what happens after you get to step 7.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Fear holds most of us back. Certainly me. I had a bunch of stuff that I didn't want to hand over for fear of what that might look like.
As well as the AA literature, as a pretend Christian (ie I went to services regularly and went through the motions, but didn't invite God to be part of my daily existence. I didn't let him in, for fear of what he'd see in me) I have found that reading around issues of Christiaity and fear really helped me find the courage and willingness I needed. One of my favourite books is one by a 12-stepping priest called Nadia Bolz-Weber called Accidental Saints. Her sermons are pretty amazing as well, especially the one called Lords Prayer Remix (or something like that). She has a website with recordings and transcripts of them.
I was reminded last weekend that 'all the Saints had a past, and all Christians have a future '. We have futures, and we can choose to fill them with all that is in the promises, or remain as we are. We can have a like of serenity once we decide to stop clinging to our mistakes. I've found it to be a pretty great trade off. Please, lean into that fear and push past it. There's grace and serenity on the other side.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to recovery. BB
As well as the AA literature, as a pretend Christian (ie I went to services regularly and went through the motions, but didn't invite God to be part of my daily existence. I didn't let him in, for fear of what he'd see in me) I have found that reading around issues of Christiaity and fear really helped me find the courage and willingness I needed. One of my favourite books is one by a 12-stepping priest called Nadia Bolz-Weber called Accidental Saints. Her sermons are pretty amazing as well, especially the one called Lords Prayer Remix (or something like that). She has a website with recordings and transcripts of them.
I was reminded last weekend that 'all the Saints had a past, and all Christians have a future '. We have futures, and we can choose to fill them with all that is in the promises, or remain as we are. We can have a like of serenity once we decide to stop clinging to our mistakes. I've found it to be a pretty great trade off. Please, lean into that fear and push past it. There's grace and serenity on the other side.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to recovery. BB
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