I'm Back - for GOOD!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
I'm Back - for GOOD!
Hey everyone...
I'm Kelly - 31yo teacher from New Zealand - and I am signing back in here after several previous attempts to quit my daily wine habit.
Over the last few years (since I became a teacher go figure!), I have been consciously aware of my drinking changing from the usual binge-drinking on the weekends with friends to more of a daily, drinking a bottle of wine (or more in some cases) while alone at home. I know that I drink wine to help me cope with the stresses of a job that I dislike and other personal issues such as depression and anxiety.
I am a smart lady and I KNOW that this isn't really a good way of "coping" (and I also know that it makes me feel even more depressed and anxious) but I guess it helps in the moment. Yet, I often wake up feeling exhausted from restless nights (I definitely go through periods of mild insomnia which I think is definitely linked to my drinking) and I'm always feeling pretty run-down in general.
I definitely relate to the term "high-functioning alcoholic" because I do work full-time and I also exercise frequently and otherwise lead quite a healthy lifestyle - I like to eat good food etc. But it is getting to the stage where I am so aware that I drink a lot (my flatmates drink next to nothing) and I do feel embarrassed about it. If I didn't need my wine to be cold, I'd probably just hide it in my room so no one would see!
I have wanted to quit several times over the last 3 years or so, but I think the longest amount of time I have managed without a drink is 10 days which was before Christmas last year and I recently did 7 days at the beginning of October. I always find myself getting to the point where I feel good from not drinking and I feel in control again which leads me to having that first drink and then it starts all over again! And before I know it I am back to downing a bottle of wine a night....
Anyhow, I have decided that enough is enough: I need and want to change this broken record. I am sick and tired of being conjoined to a bottle of wine and I am determined to take back the control in my life. I will be dictated by wine no more!
This morning I actually surprised myself and I took the day off work so I could go to a walk-in counselling clinic that specialises in alcohol and drug abuse. I cried a few tears, admitted that I had a problem and that I wanted to quite for good and live a sober life. The counsellor then booked me in for a full assessment and I also start group therapy sessions on Monday for the next four weeks.
I was really scared and nervous of turning up there, but I immediately felt such a sense of relief and I am actually really proud of myself that I turned up and was willing to make myself vulnerable in order to make this change.
I know what I need to do and that is to never have a sip of alcohol again. I am feeling determined and committed to achieving this goal and I am both scared but excited for what is to come. Without wanting to sound too cheesy, I know that sobriety is the key that will open the door to my wildest dreams. Watch this space!
Thank you all for being here and I am looking forward to connecting x
Kelly xxx
I'm Kelly - 31yo teacher from New Zealand - and I am signing back in here after several previous attempts to quit my daily wine habit.
Over the last few years (since I became a teacher go figure!), I have been consciously aware of my drinking changing from the usual binge-drinking on the weekends with friends to more of a daily, drinking a bottle of wine (or more in some cases) while alone at home. I know that I drink wine to help me cope with the stresses of a job that I dislike and other personal issues such as depression and anxiety.
I am a smart lady and I KNOW that this isn't really a good way of "coping" (and I also know that it makes me feel even more depressed and anxious) but I guess it helps in the moment. Yet, I often wake up feeling exhausted from restless nights (I definitely go through periods of mild insomnia which I think is definitely linked to my drinking) and I'm always feeling pretty run-down in general.
I definitely relate to the term "high-functioning alcoholic" because I do work full-time and I also exercise frequently and otherwise lead quite a healthy lifestyle - I like to eat good food etc. But it is getting to the stage where I am so aware that I drink a lot (my flatmates drink next to nothing) and I do feel embarrassed about it. If I didn't need my wine to be cold, I'd probably just hide it in my room so no one would see!
I have wanted to quit several times over the last 3 years or so, but I think the longest amount of time I have managed without a drink is 10 days which was before Christmas last year and I recently did 7 days at the beginning of October. I always find myself getting to the point where I feel good from not drinking and I feel in control again which leads me to having that first drink and then it starts all over again! And before I know it I am back to downing a bottle of wine a night....
Anyhow, I have decided that enough is enough: I need and want to change this broken record. I am sick and tired of being conjoined to a bottle of wine and I am determined to take back the control in my life. I will be dictated by wine no more!
This morning I actually surprised myself and I took the day off work so I could go to a walk-in counselling clinic that specialises in alcohol and drug abuse. I cried a few tears, admitted that I had a problem and that I wanted to quite for good and live a sober life. The counsellor then booked me in for a full assessment and I also start group therapy sessions on Monday for the next four weeks.
I was really scared and nervous of turning up there, but I immediately felt such a sense of relief and I am actually really proud of myself that I turned up and was willing to make myself vulnerable in order to make this change.
I know what I need to do and that is to never have a sip of alcohol again. I am feeling determined and committed to achieving this goal and I am both scared but excited for what is to come. Without wanting to sound too cheesy, I know that sobriety is the key that will open the door to my wildest dreams. Watch this space!
Thank you all for being here and I am looking forward to connecting x
Kelly xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fleeing Temptation in PTZ
Posts: 168
I believe many here thought you may have procured the agrarian domicile.
Teaching is better.
Seriously, are you sure about identifying yourself by the details you've given? Most here share more freely being 'anonymous'.
I'm among the 7% US alcoholic addictive-personality minority.
More challenged that the 93% normal majority.
I enable myself by unlearning the FALSE BELIEF that I need poison booze.
I DON'T NEED IT!
NOW I'LL LIVE A SATISFYING SOBER LIFE!
Free and clear.
I bet you will too.
pie
Teaching is better.
Seriously, are you sure about identifying yourself by the details you've given? Most here share more freely being 'anonymous'.
I'm among the 7% US alcoholic addictive-personality minority.
More challenged that the 93% normal majority.
I enable myself by unlearning the FALSE BELIEF that I need poison booze.
I DON'T NEED IT!
NOW I'LL LIVE A SATISFYING SOBER LIFE!
Free and clear.
I bet you will too.
pie
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
Welcome back to SR, Kelly! Such a great post. You have a great way with words. Like you said, you don't have to drink any more, and sobriety can open the door to great things and a better life! It definitely has for me in the 5 months since I quit.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Kelly,
Welcome back.
7 to 10 days clean is when all the booze is out of your system and the mental struggle begins.
Physically, your body is beginning to heal vs fight off the toxins. Mentally, the brain begins to freak out because it needs booze to feel normal.
This process goes on for a long time...many months to years. I am at 18 months and I still crave daily.
It took about a year for me to really pull out of a PTSD fear based mental state that had me looking towards booze. I learned here that drinking again would drag out my mental issues.
Once we physically are free...which only takes a few days...any drinking is counter productive. No more thoughts of tapering after clean for 10 days. It is cold turkey. Deal w the drama.
That main thing is....stop drinking.
Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.
Welcome back.
7 to 10 days clean is when all the booze is out of your system and the mental struggle begins.
Physically, your body is beginning to heal vs fight off the toxins. Mentally, the brain begins to freak out because it needs booze to feel normal.
This process goes on for a long time...many months to years. I am at 18 months and I still crave daily.
It took about a year for me to really pull out of a PTSD fear based mental state that had me looking towards booze. I learned here that drinking again would drag out my mental issues.
Once we physically are free...which only takes a few days...any drinking is counter productive. No more thoughts of tapering after clean for 10 days. It is cold turkey. Deal w the drama.
That main thing is....stop drinking.
Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
In my thirties I said and did a lot of those same things. Even lived in NZ back then!!
Things got worse and worse until finally I managed to embrace sobriety at 41.
I'm now 43 and I realize how non-functioning 'high-functioning' really was.
You can do this, and your life will be a LOT better for it.
Things got worse and worse until finally I managed to embrace sobriety at 41.
I'm now 43 and I realize how non-functioning 'high-functioning' really was.
You can do this, and your life will be a LOT better for it.
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