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AA advice please ....

Old 10-30-2016, 05:20 PM
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AA advice please ....

AA has been a wonderful source of help so far in my recovery, however Im struggling with the constant reminders of my past and not sure that this is entirely healthy. Ive gone through all the steps, have done them throughally and honestly have service and attend regularly but hearing constant shares about other peoples drinking histories is a constant reminder of my own.

Im not sharing in meetings much at all, (maybe thats where the problem lies?) and am starting to go to less mtgs at the mo purely because of how I feel when Im there and when I leave, which is fed up!

Ive been attending AA since July 2015 and almost a year sober. The thought of my recovery feeling this way for the rest of my life is horrifying. I so want to move forward now, leave the past where it is tbh and concentrate on living life sober.

I dont know what to do, as I hear horror stories of those who cut back on mtgs etc relapsing. I dont want this to happen, but would like more support in maintaining my sobriety rather than dwelling on the past.

I may be missing something huge here, if I am, please do let me know!

Im awaiting further counselling and am willing to explore other options aside from AA.

Can anyone advise at all??
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Old 10-30-2016, 05:30 PM
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Even after 9 years sober I still attend AA. Might be insurance ?

A man in our church has been sober for 35 years and only went to AA in the beginning of his sobriety ?

Each one must find their sober path.

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Old 10-30-2016, 05:34 PM
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Yep. I will state that remembering where we come from is important, the face of the matter is that I already know how to burn my life to the ground, I have seen me do it. I need to learn how to live sober.

A different meeting is probably in order. Most of the meetings with a lot of newcomers will be heavy on the first step as many of the people there are working on that step. You have just grown out of those meetings. Try a couple of book studies. They tend to aim more toward living sober.
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Old 10-30-2016, 05:38 PM
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Thank you, will check some study mtgs out, it could be what I need right now x
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Old 10-30-2016, 05:47 PM
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Hi, blueberry. welcome. AA was a godsend in the early days of my sobriety. But...longer term, it wasn't for me. Among other things, I found it difficult to hear the "when I drank, this happened" stories. So, I went to different meetings and found one where the sharing was more low-key. Assume you have tried this? I have been drink-free since 2013. AA has helped many, many people, but there are other methods. Have you checked out SMART or LifeRing?
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Old 10-30-2016, 05:50 PM
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I don't attend many meetings and when I do go, I know my motives for attending. Have you tried a big book study meeting or a step study meeting? Maybe venture out of your local area and try some meetings you've never been to before?

I live the steps in my daily life but I don't get to a meeting every day.
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:26 PM
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I am glad you brought that up. I had a problem with the self disclosure, both mine and others. I did better in one on one with a counselor. If you find meetings are not working, find another path. SR is a great tool for me. I also keep a journal.
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:39 PM
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I don't go to meetings and I've been sober almost 7 yrs now. I think it matters less what you do, and more about how determined you are to stay sober.
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:39 PM
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Yeah, I felt the same way about meetings. Ultimately I decided it wasn't productive or healthy for me to live in the past and hear sob story after sob story. Plus, it kept the focus on drinking rather than doing other things with my time -- even if it was only talking about drinking. AA isn't for everyone but many people find the meetings and structure helpful. I went to (non 12 step) inpatient rehab and learned how to deal with life without drinking.
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:41 PM
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Like everyone pretty much has shared, try other meetings. I attend a book study, and a meeting that reads from AA support literature and uses that as the guide. I don't hear many war stories or drunkalogues at these meetings. Also look for meetings that really limit share time to 3 minutes.....many do. I also don't feel the need to attend more than 3 meetings a week. I go to a Smart meeting here and there and a secular group meeting at the treatment center I went to. Kinda mix things up, ya know?

Have you considered sponsoring?
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Old 10-31-2016, 12:13 AM
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If reminders of your past are troubling, then it could be that you have some unfinished business to take care of. I'm not sure if this is the sort of thing that would be better addressed with more diligent work with the steps or if it should be addressed with a counselor. In any event it seems that there is something troubling about your past which you are currently dealing with through avoidance. This might 'work' in the short term, but I'm skeptical that it is the best way to deal with it in the long run.

There is a freedom inherent to resolving these sorts of things.
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Old 10-31-2016, 12:15 AM
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Thank you, im def going to try different mtgs I think, give that a try and see how I go with that. With regards to sponsering....Im not sure Im ready for that lol, but def can see the behind why you mentioned it!
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Old 10-31-2016, 12:23 AM
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Originally Posted by awuh1 View Post
If reminders of your past are troubling, then it could be that you have some unfinished business to take care of. I'm not sure if this is the sort of thing that would be better addressed with more diligent work with the steps or if it should be addressed with a counselor. In any event it seems that there is something troubling about your past which you are currently dealing with through avoidance. This might 'work' in the short term, but I'm skeptical that it is the best way to deal with it in the long run.

There is a freedom inherent to resolving these sorts of things.
Ive spoken about past issues til im blue in the face, had therapy and counselling, im ok with now and have acceptance etc of it. I just want to move on on not keeping raking it up every five mins tbh. It is mentally exhausting, I feel drained and have been close to relapse or a complete breakdown, I need to move forward now, ive lived in hell for years, im not going that way anymore. Just want to move on and focus on recovery. Thanks for your advice tho, im tired and am awaiting further counselling to help me on my path forward.
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Old 10-31-2016, 01:39 AM
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It sounds like you've done a lot to address the problem. I hope you find a way to get some relief.

All the best to you. Take care.
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Old 10-31-2016, 03:34 AM
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Hi blueberry, first, congrats on coming up on 1 year! That's a huge milestone!

I had 17 months of sobriety and relapsed so this time through (almost 6 months now) I'm pulling out all the stops. I know what I did wrong last time, I didn't stay mindful to why I need to stay sober so this time I threw every sobriety ingredient into the pot and stirred. What I ended up finding out was balance is key. I was actually going way overboard and had to figure out the right amount of each ingredient to make a perfect sobriety recipe "for me". A little AA here, a little SMART there, add a dash of counseling, and poured in volunteer work to nicely top it off. Finding that recipe for yourself is important. You've opened the cookbook and you're looking for ingredients which is key

Lots of great suggestions so far in this thread. Have you thought about volunteer work? You should be able to go online and see what's available locally. There are also tons of different programs out there now. If you have a local recovery center you may find some programs that you would really enjoy. Our local center now is doing yoga and Reiki along with a new program on Saturdays with energy work. Perhaps there's something like this in your area?

Again, congrats on your milestone!
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Old 10-31-2016, 06:26 AM
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I know how you feel, Blueberry. I was getting tired of hearing war stories all the time. I found a meeting that has a balance. There is some sharing of past events, but there's more of a focus on really digging into the steps and literature. We talk about how to work the steps into everyday life, and how to use them to face today's challenges. This, to me, is what recovery is about FOR ME, at my stage (almost two years sober). Sometimes it's helpful to be reminded of where I came from, but I'm ready to just move forward. I was dating a man who is also in recovery, but all we ever talked about was recovery and AA. It just wasn't right for me, so I broke up with him. We are just at different stages in recovery (he has a bit more sober time, but still struggles a lot more than I do - everyone is different). It sounds like you have done a lot of good work - I hope you can find a plan that works for you.
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Old 10-31-2016, 06:29 AM
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making my sobriety contingent on the amount of meetings I attend is a recipe for living a fear based life. a fear based life was something I existed in while drinking.
my sobriety isn't contigent on the amount of meetings I attend. it is contigent on the maintenance of my spiritual program.

I go to meetings to carry the message to the next sick and suffering alcoholic.

one of the the great things about the program is helped me to not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I can look at my past,own it, and say,"yup, that was me. I did that and im greatful im not that man any more."

and I can use it to help another alcoholic.

buuuuut, I don't like meetings that are all war stories. meetings that talk about the solution is where recovery happens,imo.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:59 AM
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Thank you so much for all your replies, getting a bit more balance would make total sense for me now, Im def taking all your suggestions on board. Thank you
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