Not ready to quit? Confused and scared...
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Not ready to quit? Confused and scared...
I feel absolutely miserable. I'm sober for 10 days today and I feel like I'm stuck.
I question my reasons for quitting and if they were good enough, if I'm strong enough or if I am ready.
My drinking in the past:
I started drinking at the age of 12/13 but not like most teens with their peers but home alone. When I was at my dads on the weekends I would drink whatever I could find in the kitchen cupboards, not for the taste or to be cool (I never told anyone) but for the effect. I was quite depressed in my childhood and teenage years. I loved the effect it had on me, making me forget all my worries and fill me with warmth and happiness.
At around 14/15 I hated living with my mum so much (she was depressive and moody but in denial about it) that I drank vodka most days after school, not much but one or two shots on a bad day. Again home alone and secretly.
Between 16-19 I was going out with my friends, sometimes everyday, sometimes just on the weekends and I would drink a lot, often enough to not remember much from the night before.
At the age of 19 I was raped. I couldn't handle it at all but I didn't want to see a therapist cause I was in my final year of school and I just wanted to get through somehow. So I started to drink everyday, starting before I went to school with 1dl of vodka, taking another small 2dl bottle to school to finish it there and then continue when I came home until the day was over. I abused sleeping pills and Valium too at that time. I think that was the first time I was physically addicted to alcohol cause I had to drink in the mornings otherwise I would feel sick and have shaky hands. Of course I did it all secretly again.
I managed to get control over my drinking again, it helped that I moved to another city and start at university.
During my 3 years at university I went through a phase of drinking a lot in the first year, followed by not drinking at all in the second year back to drinking a lot in the third year. In that year my long term relationship ended and I lost motivation for my studying and I got robbed and threatened on the street which lead to heavy drinking in the evenings (not daily but 3-4 times a week) plus sometimes I'd get drunk in my lectures cause I couldn't give a ****. That was a very self destructive phase with other drug abuse involved.
Then I moved back to my hometown and stopped drinking, besides maybe a glass of wine with dinner every once in a while.
I lived with my by then new boyfriend and things soon became very stressful for me cause he would not help with anything in the household and I felt like I was responsible for him cause he didn't speak our language and I had to translate and write all of his letters, do the laundry, cleaning, groceries, cooking and budgeting all myself. It was way too much for me as I was still in university and struggeling with organising myself. I was very unhappy but felt trapped as I couldn't afford to move out (couldn't find a place for the same price or less). I felt overwhelmed and stressed and anxious, couldn't sleep well. My doctor recommended to have a glass of wine or two in the evenings to help me relax. So I did. But soon I wouldnt wanna wait until the evening. I started drinking in the morning to get me ready for the day and drank until I went to bed. Never much. I was never drunk or binged. But cause I started early in the day and I had to keep a certain level it added up to maybe 0,5-1 bottle of wine per day (I'm a woman and quite petite) Which is not super much but still more than recommended.
My situation now:
This is my first attempt at quitting. Deep down inside I always knew my drinking wasn't quite normal and I thought I was close to developing an alcohol addiction in the past. But that wasn't why I thought I needed help.
I contacted a few therapists to get help with my anxiety / trauma issues and I mentioned the daily drinking cause I didn't like how to me it was the only way to get through the day.
After I spoke to 2 different ones I was shocked. Both of them told me I was an alcoholic and would have to become sober first in order to deal with my past. I didn't like hearing that and was so angry. I didn't believe them. I quit drinking anyway. That day I had been drinking and tried to stop but I couldn't sleep in the night so I had to drink 2 glasses of wine (which was the absolute minimum) to get me to sleep. The next day I decided to quit. The following night was hell. I had bad withdrawal symptoms, of which some lasted throughout the first week. After a couple of days where I almost couldn't sleep or eat and just had the worst cravings for booze I started to accept that I might have an addiction.
Now I feel like it wasn't my decision to quit. Partly yes. But partly I feel forced. My goal isn't sobriety. I never hit rock bottom nor feel like I was close to it. I didn't like how my drinking made me dependent though.
My goal is to work on dealing with my past and it seems like sobriety is the only way to get there. But somehow I have a hard time accepting it.
I analysed the reasons why I drank. Some of them are unhealthy like suppressing negative feelings or binging when everything became too much or to "cure" my anxiety.
But I can't understand why I can no longer have a glass of wine (or maybe 2) in the evening every once in a while to relax. Or a mulled wine on the Christmas market. Or have white wine in my risotto or Marsala in my tiramisu (two of my favourite dishes and I love cooking). To me that seems like such a restriction and my brain doesn't understand how these things would keep me from dealing with my past.
I am super confused. I don't know what I want. Am I even addicted? How do I know? Maybe it's just the addiction trying to trick me... I feel helpless.
I question my reasons for quitting and if they were good enough, if I'm strong enough or if I am ready.
My drinking in the past:
I started drinking at the age of 12/13 but not like most teens with their peers but home alone. When I was at my dads on the weekends I would drink whatever I could find in the kitchen cupboards, not for the taste or to be cool (I never told anyone) but for the effect. I was quite depressed in my childhood and teenage years. I loved the effect it had on me, making me forget all my worries and fill me with warmth and happiness.
At around 14/15 I hated living with my mum so much (she was depressive and moody but in denial about it) that I drank vodka most days after school, not much but one or two shots on a bad day. Again home alone and secretly.
Between 16-19 I was going out with my friends, sometimes everyday, sometimes just on the weekends and I would drink a lot, often enough to not remember much from the night before.
At the age of 19 I was raped. I couldn't handle it at all but I didn't want to see a therapist cause I was in my final year of school and I just wanted to get through somehow. So I started to drink everyday, starting before I went to school with 1dl of vodka, taking another small 2dl bottle to school to finish it there and then continue when I came home until the day was over. I abused sleeping pills and Valium too at that time. I think that was the first time I was physically addicted to alcohol cause I had to drink in the mornings otherwise I would feel sick and have shaky hands. Of course I did it all secretly again.
I managed to get control over my drinking again, it helped that I moved to another city and start at university.
During my 3 years at university I went through a phase of drinking a lot in the first year, followed by not drinking at all in the second year back to drinking a lot in the third year. In that year my long term relationship ended and I lost motivation for my studying and I got robbed and threatened on the street which lead to heavy drinking in the evenings (not daily but 3-4 times a week) plus sometimes I'd get drunk in my lectures cause I couldn't give a ****. That was a very self destructive phase with other drug abuse involved.
Then I moved back to my hometown and stopped drinking, besides maybe a glass of wine with dinner every once in a while.
I lived with my by then new boyfriend and things soon became very stressful for me cause he would not help with anything in the household and I felt like I was responsible for him cause he didn't speak our language and I had to translate and write all of his letters, do the laundry, cleaning, groceries, cooking and budgeting all myself. It was way too much for me as I was still in university and struggeling with organising myself. I was very unhappy but felt trapped as I couldn't afford to move out (couldn't find a place for the same price or less). I felt overwhelmed and stressed and anxious, couldn't sleep well. My doctor recommended to have a glass of wine or two in the evenings to help me relax. So I did. But soon I wouldnt wanna wait until the evening. I started drinking in the morning to get me ready for the day and drank until I went to bed. Never much. I was never drunk or binged. But cause I started early in the day and I had to keep a certain level it added up to maybe 0,5-1 bottle of wine per day (I'm a woman and quite petite) Which is not super much but still more than recommended.
My situation now:
This is my first attempt at quitting. Deep down inside I always knew my drinking wasn't quite normal and I thought I was close to developing an alcohol addiction in the past. But that wasn't why I thought I needed help.
I contacted a few therapists to get help with my anxiety / trauma issues and I mentioned the daily drinking cause I didn't like how to me it was the only way to get through the day.
After I spoke to 2 different ones I was shocked. Both of them told me I was an alcoholic and would have to become sober first in order to deal with my past. I didn't like hearing that and was so angry. I didn't believe them. I quit drinking anyway. That day I had been drinking and tried to stop but I couldn't sleep in the night so I had to drink 2 glasses of wine (which was the absolute minimum) to get me to sleep. The next day I decided to quit. The following night was hell. I had bad withdrawal symptoms, of which some lasted throughout the first week. After a couple of days where I almost couldn't sleep or eat and just had the worst cravings for booze I started to accept that I might have an addiction.
Now I feel like it wasn't my decision to quit. Partly yes. But partly I feel forced. My goal isn't sobriety. I never hit rock bottom nor feel like I was close to it. I didn't like how my drinking made me dependent though.
My goal is to work on dealing with my past and it seems like sobriety is the only way to get there. But somehow I have a hard time accepting it.
I analysed the reasons why I drank. Some of them are unhealthy like suppressing negative feelings or binging when everything became too much or to "cure" my anxiety.
But I can't understand why I can no longer have a glass of wine (or maybe 2) in the evening every once in a while to relax. Or a mulled wine on the Christmas market. Or have white wine in my risotto or Marsala in my tiramisu (two of my favourite dishes and I love cooking). To me that seems like such a restriction and my brain doesn't understand how these things would keep me from dealing with my past.
I am super confused. I don't know what I want. Am I even addicted? How do I know? Maybe it's just the addiction trying to trick me... I feel helpless.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
great heartfelt post kevlar
even though our experiences are different i was taught to listen (read) for the similarities and not the differences
take the good and leave the rest
and that there is a solution
God bless
even though our experiences are different i was taught to listen (read) for the similarities and not the differences
take the good and leave the rest
and that there is a solution
God bless
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal
Maybe it's just the addiction trying to trick me...
It's so hard to sort all this out, I know. It feels like complete confusion...literally two parts of the brain at war with each other. Once you can learn to recognize the tricks that the addicted part of your brain can play, once you shine a light on them...they are easy to recognize.
Best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi kevlarsjal
I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life. I see no reason for you to perpetuate it though?
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no evidence at all for you to dispute that diagnosis - continued drinking is not going to leave you in a better place than where you are now.
You won't find anyone here who'll say they wish they drank a little longer - but you will find hundreds of people who will tell you they wished they gave up years before they did.
I lost a lot of things over the last final years of my drinking.
I was lucky tho not to lose my life...for many of us sadly - even members I've know here - that's our bottom.
There's no need to wait for some catastrophic event to 'hit bottom' - thats the worst kind of Russian roulette.
a bottom can be a simple life affirming, positive decision to quit doing something that doing you great harm.
D
I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life. I see no reason for you to perpetuate it though?
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no evidence at all for you to dispute that diagnosis - continued drinking is not going to leave you in a better place than where you are now.
You won't find anyone here who'll say they wish they drank a little longer - but you will find hundreds of people who will tell you they wished they gave up years before they did.
I lost a lot of things over the last final years of my drinking.
I was lucky tho not to lose my life...for many of us sadly - even members I've know here - that's our bottom.
There's no need to wait for some catastrophic event to 'hit bottom' - thats the worst kind of Russian roulette.
a bottom can be a simple life affirming, positive decision to quit doing something that doing you great harm.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: virginia
Posts: 116
I can never have 2 glasses of wine. I start with that intention, and wake up having polished off whatever is in the house. I've been sober 8 days. It was really hard for me to admit that I have a problem. I do. I can't control it, when I['ve stopped before I think, I can handle one glass of wine, and I go right back to where I was, drunk, hurting, abusing me...I know this is hard, we all have our path to get here. The support of those who have been successful is so valuable. Good Luck!
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Hi - kevlarsjal -
Best thing I can say... You must live for today and tomorrow. If that makes sense.. Since you are "Dealing" with the past as well........Then perhaps quitting drinking could be THE BEST thing ever in the world for you!
I know what you are saying.... Why can't I drink like "Normal folks" .. Glass of wine here or there. New Years eve toast?
Well we all know why ... We are not normal drinkers. It doesn't stop with 1 glass of what-ever we are drinking.
It stinks..... but is true ? No?
Are you addicted? Only you can answer that... But you are here and that is a great thing. I cannot make it sober without this message board.
See ya around!
Best thing I can say... You must live for today and tomorrow. If that makes sense.. Since you are "Dealing" with the past as well........Then perhaps quitting drinking could be THE BEST thing ever in the world for you!
I know what you are saying.... Why can't I drink like "Normal folks" .. Glass of wine here or there. New Years eve toast?
Well we all know why ... We are not normal drinkers. It doesn't stop with 1 glass of what-ever we are drinking.
It stinks..... but is true ? No?
Are you addicted? Only you can answer that... But you are here and that is a great thing. I cannot make it sober without this message board.
See ya around!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi kevlarsjal
I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life. I see no reason for you to perpetuate it though?
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no evidence at all for you to dispute that diagnosis - continued drinking is not going to leave you in a better place than where you are now.
You won't find anyone here who'll say they wish they drank a little longer - but you will find hundreds of people who will tell you they wished they gave up years before they did.
I lost a lot of things over the last final years of my drinking.
I was lucky tho not to lose my life...for many of us sadly - even members I've know here - that's our bottom.
There's no need to wait for some catastrophic event to 'hit bottom' - thats the worst kind of Russian roulette.
a bottom can be a simple life affirming, positive decision to quit doing something that doing you great harm.
D
I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life. I see no reason for you to perpetuate it though?
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no evidence at all for you to dispute that diagnosis - continued drinking is not going to leave you in a better place than where you are now.
You won't find anyone here who'll say they wish they drank a little longer - but you will find hundreds of people who will tell you they wished they gave up years before they did.
I lost a lot of things over the last final years of my drinking.
I was lucky tho not to lose my life...for many of us sadly - even members I've know here - that's our bottom.
There's no need to wait for some catastrophic event to 'hit bottom' - thats the worst kind of Russian roulette.
a bottom can be a simple life affirming, positive decision to quit doing something that doing you great harm.
D
The addict in me is trying to weaken the decision I made. Trying to make me think I don't have to succeed this time cause it's just the first attempt and chances i will stay sober with the first attempt are so small. And that it's not that bad yet, others drank more before they finally quit so I can have more before quitting.
But yes, you're so right. There's absolutely no reason to continue with something harmful and wrong until it gets even worse. I just have to remember this. Think 10 years into the future and question myself if I want to look back thinking "why didn't I stop when I had the chance" or "thank God I quit before it got worse".
Sometimes it's so clear and the next moment my brain is foggy and confused again. I will definitely read your post again and again whenever I question if this was the right time to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Originally Posted by soberlicious
I believe that's exactly what it is. You have enough evidence that drinking has been a serious problem for you throughout your life, but that "other" part of you will always find ways to downplay those ("it wasn't that bad") and try to play up the seemingly good parts ("My life cannot be complete without mulled wine at Christmas!") Many people, myself included, have learned a way to separate from this voice and stay firmly abstinent (and free and happy). The technique is called AVRT and you can read about it here in the secular connections forum.
It's so hard to sort all this out, I know. It feels like complete confusion...literally two parts of the brain at war with each other. Once you can learn to recognize the tricks that the addicted part of your brain can play, once you shine a light on them...they are easy to recognize.
Best to you.
It's so hard to sort all this out, I know. It feels like complete confusion...literally two parts of the brain at war with each other. Once you can learn to recognize the tricks that the addicted part of your brain can play, once you shine a light on them...they are easy to recognize.
Best to you.
Sometimes it's easy to recognise my AV but other times I just get too confused and forget what I really want.
I think the part of me that feel like a spoiled kid who can't have more ice cream must be the AV. Thinking that others still can have a drink sometimes and I can't is so upsetting that it literally makes me cry and I want to through myself on the floor like a stubborn toddler. It's jealousy, fear of loss, change and missing out.
While I was thinking about the responses I got on this topic, I came up with the idea to maybe trick the toddler inside of me by saving up the money that would've been spent on booze and reward myself after every week by buying something nice for myself. At least in the beginning. I think it would make it feel less like something's been taken away from me and more like it's been replaced by something better / healthier.
Also I should just stop questioning my addiction which I tend to do a lot. For example, I was always able to just have one glass of wine when invited for dinner somewhere and I rarely binged in my adult life.
My problem isn't so much that I can't control how MUCH I drink but more how OFTEN I drink. I can go through periods without drinking when I'm very busy or just feel happy. But then when I start to drink occasionally again i get really into it and soon I drink everyday and then I don't even wait until the evenings. So even if I mostly just have 1-2 glasses at once it adds up pretty quickly to an unhealthy amount if I do that 3 times a day, all week long, all year long. I think I have the same problem with food (going through phases where I could eat the same type of food every day, morning till night before then switching to the next type of food) but the problem with alcohol is, that I get physically addicted when I do so. Even with the relatively small amounts. Just because I don't tend to binge doesn't mean I can't be addicted.
Thank you for reminding me and helping me to see things a bit clearer again. I'll definitely read more about the AVRT, I like this approach.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Even when I was actively drinking, I would dream about only having a glass or two of wine at night - and genuinely enjoying them, without feeling possessed to drink the whole bottle and still sort of ache for more.
Some nights I remember I would be hungover and dread going home because I knew it would be more of the same painful, crazy obsession for a high I could never pin down.
Nov 15 I will have eight months and I am so grateful to not feel chained to that existence any more. I accept I am just not wired to drink like they do in movies
I can never be satisfied when I drink, but once I dropped the pursuit, peace began to fill my heart.
Thanks for the reminder. I never want to take this peace for granted. You can have it too
Some nights I remember I would be hungover and dread going home because I knew it would be more of the same painful, crazy obsession for a high I could never pin down.
Nov 15 I will have eight months and I am so grateful to not feel chained to that existence any more. I accept I am just not wired to drink like they do in movies
I can never be satisfied when I drink, but once I dropped the pursuit, peace began to fill my heart. Thanks for the reminder. I never want to take this peace for granted. You can have it too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Originally Posted by madgirl
Even when I was actively drinking, I would dream about only having a glass or two of wine at night - and genuinely enjoying them, without feeling possessed to drink the whole bottle and still sort of ache for more.
Some nights I remember I would be hungover and dread going home because I knew it would be more of the same painful, crazy obsession for a high I could never pin down.
Nov 15 I will have eight months and I am so grateful to not feel chained to that existence any more. I accept I am just not wired to drink like they do in movies I can never be satisfied when I drink, but once I dropped the pursuit, peace began to fill my heart.
Thanks for the reminder. I never want to take this peace for granted. You can have it too
Some nights I remember I would be hungover and dread going home because I knew it would be more of the same painful, crazy obsession for a high I could never pin down.
Nov 15 I will have eight months and I am so grateful to not feel chained to that existence any more. I accept I am just not wired to drink like they do in movies
I can never be satisfied when I drink, but once I dropped the pursuit, peace began to fill my heart. Thanks for the reminder. I never want to take this peace for granted. You can have it too
For me it's slightly different. I can enjoy 2 glasses of wine (given I start drinking in the evening) and will feel totally satisfied. The problem is, after doing that for a couple of days I can't wait until the evening to get that satisfied feeling and I will start in the morning. And then when the effect wears off after a few hours I'll need to touch up again and again until I go to bed to keep my "level".
I think it's just that, the fact that I can drink controlled amounts in one go (that don't seem weird or alarming to normal people) and almost never drank until I was really drunk (in the last years that is), what my AV uses to make me question my addiction.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome to SR! I am sorry for the things you have had to go through in the past, and glad you reached out for support.
Dee pretty much nailed it with his post, and it seems like it spoke to you as well.
I attempted moderation many times and failed miserably. I also romanticized wine, however, there was nothing romantic about the amount of wine I would drink!
Looking forward to seeing you around SR!
Dee pretty much nailed it with his post, and it seems like it spoke to you as well.
I attempted moderation many times and failed miserably. I also romanticized wine, however, there was nothing romantic about the amount of wine I would drink!
Looking forward to seeing you around SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome to SR! I am sorry for the things you have had to go through in the past, and glad you reached out for support.
Dee pretty much nailed it with his post, and it seems like it spoke to you as well.
I attempted moderation many times and failed miserably. I also romanticized wine, however, there was nothing romantic about the amount of wine I would drink!
Looking forward to seeing you around SR!
Dee pretty much nailed it with his post, and it seems like it spoke to you as well.
I attempted moderation many times and failed miserably. I also romanticized wine, however, there was nothing romantic about the amount of wine I would drink!
Looking forward to seeing you around SR!
Thanks for the kind words Delilah!
Yes I'm currently romanticising my drinking a lot cause I just miss certain aspects of it and wish there was a way how I could continue drinking without doing any harm.
There's most certainly nothing romantic either about drinking wine (and to be honest it wasn't only wine but anything really) in the morning to suppress my anxiety or to freak out cause I can't drink before I got surgery done this summer. Or to get up in the middle of the night to drink more cause I can't sleep without it. Or to hide it from my boyfriend (so glad I finally told him).
Thanks for helping me remember these parts of my drinking, too. They sure outweigh the joy of a mulled wine at the Christmas market.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fleeing Temptation in PTZ
Posts: 168
I'm one of the 7% US alcoholic addictive personalities... More challenged than the other 93%... But not defeated... I can overcome abuse.
To become a strong enough woman, how about fighting addiction first?
A real fight; do or die!
Your ally will be your true future self.
With the money saved from waste, I'd buy weapons . . . for me antabuse.
To live courageous.
Myself.
.
.
To become a strong enough woman, how about fighting addiction first?
A real fight; do or die!
Your ally will be your true future self.
With the money saved from waste, I'd buy weapons . . . for me antabuse.
To live courageous.
Myself.
.
.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 793
Hey. Most of us share that annoyance that we can no longer enjoy a couple of glasses of wine like normal people.
I'm fed up with myself for wasting so much of my life. I'm happier sober and keep coming back here because I keep seeing myself in the struggles of other posters and reminds me that I'm not alone and also why I don't want to try and just have a couple again.
Good luck with your continuing sobriety.
I'm fed up with myself for wasting so much of my life. I'm happier sober and keep coming back here because I keep seeing myself in the struggles of other posters and reminds me that I'm not alone and also why I don't want to try and just have a couple again.
Good luck with your continuing sobriety.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
kevlarsjal,
Amounts or frequency don't matter. What matters is, alcohol is a problem for you and *you* decided to quit drinking. Period. End of story.
The part that wants to analyze amount and frequency is not *you*. The same as with a spoiled child (love that analogy and I use it a lot myself), you neither give in to that child's tantrums, nor do you engage (talk it out) with that child. You simply say no and ignore. The child will often get unbearably noisy and even kick, scream and hit sometimes, but will in time (sometimes seems like forever) quiet with disengagement and consistent non-reward. Any parent or educator knows that if you do give in to the child because it's just easier, you will create a monster. A child (and an AV, as well) needs only tiny, intermittent reinforcement to continue bad behavior. The trick is hanging in through the tantrum part.
As far as the annoyance of not being able to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with no other problems, well it's just that. An annoyance. But you know...I'm annoyed that my eyes aren't brown and that I'm not 5 inches taller. No amount of anything will make those facts different, so I can do one of two things. I can be upset my whole life about it, or I can just say "meh...those things are what they are" and move on. You will find (as I have) that when things just aren't an option, and they are framed as such, it's easier to let go and be happy and free of grasping for them.
Now I prefer my blue eyes, short stature, and life without alcohol. Who would have thought?!
Amounts or frequency don't matter. What matters is, alcohol is a problem for you and *you* decided to quit drinking. Period. End of story.
The part that wants to analyze amount and frequency is not *you*. The same as with a spoiled child (love that analogy and I use it a lot myself), you neither give in to that child's tantrums, nor do you engage (talk it out) with that child. You simply say no and ignore. The child will often get unbearably noisy and even kick, scream and hit sometimes, but will in time (sometimes seems like forever) quiet with disengagement and consistent non-reward. Any parent or educator knows that if you do give in to the child because it's just easier, you will create a monster. A child (and an AV, as well) needs only tiny, intermittent reinforcement to continue bad behavior. The trick is hanging in through the tantrum part.
As far as the annoyance of not being able to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with no other problems, well it's just that. An annoyance. But you know...I'm annoyed that my eyes aren't brown and that I'm not 5 inches taller. No amount of anything will make those facts different, so I can do one of two things. I can be upset my whole life about it, or I can just say "meh...those things are what they are" and move on. You will find (as I have) that when things just aren't an option, and they are framed as such, it's easier to let go and be happy and free of grasping for them.
Now I prefer my blue eyes, short stature, and life without alcohol. Who would have thought?!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal
The addict in me is trying to weaken the decision I made. Trying to make me think I don't have to succeed this time cause it's just the first attempt and chances i will stay sober with the first attempt are so small. And that it's not that bad yet, others drank more before they finally quit so I can have more before quitting.
My drinking was a lot like yours -- my issue was mainly frequency (1 to 3 glasses of wine every day), rather than bingeing. Now that I have some sober time, I can see that nevertheless, I was addicted.
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