keeppushing

As some of you might know I have been struggling with this for a while. Recently I talked about my plan. Today I started my monthly life review which includes checking my abstinence logs.

On my journey to 100% abstinence I've gone from lapsing 1 or 2 times a month (I am not trying to taper, it is what it is) to drinking about 3 times a week. Amazing how the brain can fool you into thinking that you are going forward when you are actually relapsing badly.

I read my journal entries and it is clear that my perception of reality in terms of sticking to my plan has absolutely nothing to do with what is actually happening. Well, back to the drawing board. Plan improvement #1: Far more frequent reviews of my patterns and plan compliance. Plan improvement #2: Improve perception of reality by posting on SR more about what is happening.

*sigh*

KP

Dee74

Hi KP

can I suggest a #3? No drinking..ever...and when you feel you in trouble trying to maintain that, post here - and I'd consider very strongly using other supports like AA or some other group, or maybe even inpatient or outpatient rehab?

D

CajunPrincess

Hi. If you don't mind my asking, what else does your plan include?

keeppushing

Looks a lot like SMART: daily mindfulness, daily exercise, emergency kit (including letter to self with goals and description of how I will feel if I drink, cost benefit analysis, rational cards, and CBT work a couple of times a week to work through everything I was numbing. No F2F meetings because I live somewhere where that is next to impossible, used to see a therapist for several years but she graduated me. And SR of course.

KP

january161992

hi keeppushing

i had to get into enough pain to become willing to go to meetings and follow direction

God bless

Sober'sBest

Do you know of any natural highs that are better? . . Like some people that find love, marriage, and family more rewarding. etc...

Do you see yourself in the ~7% US minority that are alcoholics having an addictive personality disorder?

I am, and I know that I'll have a much better life sober.

I was like you though, before my 'break through'.

Now I'm much more at ease. . .
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keeppushing

I don't know how to diagnose addictive personality disorder but I am certain that I am addicted. The days that I am sober, the euphoria the next morning, the optimism, the joy is unbelievable. Here's to working my plan until I have my break through.

KP

soberlicious

This.

Take drinking off the table as an option-ever- and then expect it to get really noisy and unbearable in your head. There are ways to manage that noise until it passes (and it does pass). Some people use urge-surfing techniques, others use the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, others pray, others meditate, some seek out a support group, some seek out friends, some seek out solitude, or nature, or physical activity, or hobbies, etc...

Once you get practiced at separating from the urges and not acting on them, it becomes easier. You begin to realize you do not have to do what that urge tells you.

You are experiencing glimpses of what it's like to be free when you have those feelings of optimism and joy, but you cannot get enough of a foothold when you introduce even the smallest amount of alcohol.