Told my wife
 

I drove my wife to work this morning and told her about my new found soberness and the support I've found here. Naturally, she is very supportive which is great for me.

What I found surprising is that she didn't seem to be as aware as I thought she was. When I tried to breach the subject last weekend, she seemed very nonchalant. "oh that's nice" was about all I got. This morning I pushed how important this was to me and she came across as very receptive this time.

The only question I didn't answer was 'how much'. For one thing, it's embarrassing and another is I don't think it relative to my recovery. Beside that, she was with me a year ago as I was being prepped for surgery and was honest with the doctor about how much and how often I drank.

My wife is a total non drinker so maybe she has trouble understanding. The important thing is I'm now able to talk to her.

Great job on telling your wife, spouses who aren't addicted are kinda tricky to talk to though,seems that they just don't understand, my hubs has seen me at my rock bottom and now when I get the urge to drink he says"just take it easy with it" what?!?! After all I've put us through ge says that? So now I don't discuss this with him,he's top nonchalant about a serious problem, hope your situation goes better:)

I've had that conversation with my wife and a few close friends a couple times. For a non drinker or a "normal" drinker I think it's hard for them to grasp the significance of getting sober. I used to kind of secretly laugh at people who had addictions (alcohol, food, gambling, etc) because I thought, "just don't eat that pizza and get a little exercise and you won't be 200lbs overweight." Now I get it. Addiction of any kind is all consuming, and beating it is a hard fought battle.

It's great that your wife is supportive, even though she doesn't totally understand.

Don't be surprised or hurt if at times she shows some indifference to your issue. Those that do not have an issue, just don't get it and just do not understand the gravity of the situation, nor how much of an accomplishment it is to break free. I just remind myself that I should not expect to be praised for doing what I should have been doing all along. :) While it is a huge accomplishment for us, the reality is just that in the eyes of some.

My husband recently found out about the extent of my drinking and he's tee-total. I was so, SO embarrassed and ashamed and didn't want to talk to him about it. I went to an AA meeting the morning after, shared and that night had a talk to him about it and told him I was back in AA and felt pretty good about it.

He doesn't know why I go there and thinks it's not needed for me because he is definitely of the opinion that drink and drug is an "indulgence". He doesn't preach or make it hard for me, he's supportive, he just doesn't get it, and he doesn't need to. Just being there is enough.

I think it can be a little frustrating when you finally come clean to loved ones and friends about getting sober and your drinking issues to have them basically shrug it off, but unless you are an addict yourself, it's very hard for them to understand the significance of that.
On the plus side, there are plenty of outlets that do understand to help along the road of sobriety.

My husband didn't think my drinking was as bad as I did, and he is a substance abuse rep! I think that may be because he deals with so many folks whose life is in shambles due to their substance abuse, and that wasn't my situation at all.

Like your wife he is completely supportive of my decision to quit drinking, and because he is a non-drinker I find it easier getting sober.

My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic himself (he quit over 4 years ago) so he can fully understand my struggle and is just wonderful and supportive.

I also told my ex whom I'm still friends with. He just said something like "are you sure? But you never drank that much!" Which is exactly that kind of stuff my AV loves to hear...

I don't know what your history with quitting is, but maybe she doesn't believe you. The good thing is that you can show her.

my significant other doesn't understand really. he supports me but does t get that this is work, that some days I'm more fragile. ..it's ok. I know heaves me and I have to accept, and be grateful, that he doesn't fully understand because that would mean he was going through it, too. I would not wish this on anyone

be patient with her and with you!

I'm glad you have support STDragon.
I think it is difficult for some spouses to understand the scope of our problem...for other spouses it may be hard to admit it, even when we do - but you'll always have understanding and support here :)

D

"I should not expect to be praised for doing what I should have been doing all along." good point totfit, thank you.

"Some people say, "I take caaaare my kids!"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE YOUR KIDS, YOU LOW-EXPECTATION-HAVIN-MOTHA-F'R!"

- Chris Rock

Love that skit!

I've heard it said, that alcoholics are the only people who demand praise for running out of a burning house! :D

Hahaha this made me laugh so much! :D

Unfortunately it's true though.

For me, telling my wife explicitly I was an alcoholic, turned out to be a life saver. I never hid my drinking, yet we were still both beating around the bush ("stress", "just slow down", "but you don't xyz yet!?" from the Book of Endless & Clever Denials...). From that point on it was clear that action needed to be taken, that I had a huge problem.

Even if the partner does not understand the full extent, I think it's a good step to take.