First post-how do I know
 

Hello,

This is my first post. Glad to see there is a safe place to go to get information on issues like this.

My question is how do I know if my wife really has a drinking issue and that its not me being to critical as I am a non drinker.
Is having a glass of wine or two or 3 everyday an issue or is it normal?

Any input would be appreciate so I know what to do next.........

Welcome to the Forum JDL!! :wave:

Volume of alcohol isn't necessarily the benchmark, instead it's what behaviours or problems is alcohol causing in your wife's life, or in your relationship.

I woke up every morning and went to work without issue, but I was hiding my drinking, I was drinking alone, I lied and looked forward to when I could drink again, couldn't go a period of days without that alcohol . . . those behaviours were definitly not normal!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! :)

If someone, your spouse per say was to have asked you those detailed questions at the time would you have told the truth and admitted it? I dont think mine will or is ready to.

That's pretty typical of addictive behavior - lying, denial, etc. And you are spot on - she won't admit it or accept it until she's ready if she really is an addict. There is help for her if she decides to want it though, and the same for you.

It took me a long time to admit to myself I had a problem, so you're right I would never have answered those questions.

But I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess there's something in your wife's behaviour other than the volume of alcohol she consumes that is concerning you and so much so that you've started to search for help online?

That is the difficulty though, looking in from the outside can be a very lonely and frustrating place, there was no one other than myself who could admit I needed to change and take the steps required to make that change, no one could do it for me!!

Do I just sit back and let nature take its course?

It's tough, I think there's a place for both ways forward, when I was beginning to realise that I had an issue with alcohol, I would start to recall all the comments, all the times loved ones, friends, family members had said something, and slowly but surely I started to realise that after all this time, they may have had a point, without those memories I may not be where I am now, who knows, but those comments and people saying things about my drinking had an effect and strengthened my resolve once I started the ball rolling to get Sober.

However I balance that with the most heartbreaking moment of my life, which was my dad passing away as a result of alcohol, not even admitting he had a problem, not sorry for anything that alcohol caused him to do in other people's lives, there was no talking to him and having to watch alcohol destroy someone to the point of death and not being able to do anything, feeling frustrated, helpless and completely defeated by alcohol was a very lonely place and being powerless to stop it.

Overall we can hint, we can comment, we can talk and we can encourage, and I fully support doing something, it helped me, but the final decision rests with the person themselves, and if they don't want to change, then I am afraid someone can drink themselves into destruction without even a blink of an eye about how alcohol has caused any of it.

Support is key for you, and here on SR there is plenty, also Al-Anon is a great place for face to face support.

Addiction is a serious business . . . do all you can, and hope that the person themselves has it within them an ambition to change themselves!! :hug:

I appreciate the kind words! I will keep learning as much as I can in the mean time until that "eye opening" event occurs and she figures out she is heading down the wrong path. At that point I can help cause she will want and need it

Hi, jdl1166. Welcome. I would learn as much as possible about alcohol dependency and its effects on families. Lots of good info on the "stickies" readings posted at the top of the main menu. There are also articles on the right side bar and Q-and A s about the subject. Youtube has videos as well. I can't speak to whether your wife has a problem with alcohol. Daily drinking can indicate a growing dependency, but everyone is different. Good luck.