New and looking for support
 

Hi
I am having a hard time arguing with myself as to whether I have a problem or not. however the fact that I am here probably speaks volumes. I find it difficult to remember the last time I went more than 2 days without having a drink . I drink at home and find it hard to stop at one but normally wouldn't have more than 3 on a weeknight, convincing myself I'm only having a couple to unwind. Then on weekends I could have my first drink at 4pm as soon as I'm through the door drinking until about 9 through dinner, watching to etc then fall asleep drunk and have to go to bed early. That has been my Friday nights for as long as I can remember. Saturday much the same. If I go out to an evening out I drink too much very fast then dance all night be the life and soul then pass out when I get home waking with a terrible hangover. Over a period of years I have had low points such as black outs and a terrible drunken incident where I banged my head very badly as I fell and had to go to hospital. The trauma of that bump made me lose my hair in that area. I still argue with myself that. Don't have a problem as I don't wake up in the morning needing a drink, however I do think about it during the day. Last week my husband and I went for a romantic overnight to a hotel. We drank a bottle of wine on the beach - I drank more of it than him, then had another 2 drinks before dinner. I can't remember eating my dinner but he says I just kept repeating myself. Then we went back to the room and I passed out at 7.30 leaving him to sit and watch to on his own. I am totally ashamed and angry with myself. No one around me thinks I have a problem and would laugh if I told them honestly how I feel . I try to cut down but then get a taste for wine and keep on drinking. I appreciate anyone taking the time to respond to this with thoughts and advice

Welcome. Your story is very similar to mine, and our drinking habits are about the same. It took me a very long time to admit that I had a real problem with alcohol. Up until a certain point, I admitted that I lost control from time to time, but wasn't ready accept that the real problem was alcohol dependence, which had developed from earlier drinking years that consisted of alcohol abuse, but not necessarily alcoholism. Here's the thing. There was a point in my life when I realized that even though I had a few drinking sessions during the week, and on the weekend--with sober days in between--I could not stop thinking of drinking. It occupied my thoughts constantly when I was sober. I finally decided to work a program of recovery for what I realized was my alcoholism (the drinking and thinking). For me this was AA, but others have found different routes to recovery. You will find much support here. Good luck to you, God bless, and keep posting.

It sounds like alcohol is complicating your life in a bad way, from the stories you tell. If I were you, I'd do whatever it takes to quit now, before things get worse. SR helped me quit, and my life is greatly improved as a result.

Nopro,

Welcome. You have a problem. We here all do. You are here to solve it.

Routinely not remembering what happened the night before is a black out. That is a problem. Normal drinkers have those maybe 1 or 2 times...in their life. Maybe.

Like me, you are addicted to booze. It is physical. you don't crave..yet..in the am because you have a daily supply of booze in your body. Come 4 pm, it is fading. Your brain and body need it to feel normal.

Get through the physical addiction...about a week to a month. Then the mental shows through. This lasts...imo...forever.

For Many months the crave is very strong...and then for the rest of our lives...like a cry baby in our brains. For ever. Not all day..thankfully....just sometimes during the day.

That is why folks relapse over and over.

Get clean. Change your lifestyle a bit. Stay clean.

Thanks.

Welcome - can you talk to your husband about it?

Hi,

I think if drinking is a problem for you, regardless of the amount then you have a drinking problem.

Deciding to do something about it is a great first step so well done for posting.

What s the plan now? There are a lot of good resources here to help you find your way, you can do this.

P

I used to tell myself I could stop whenever I wanted to, I just didn't want to.

Since alcoholism is progressive, the consequences of my drinking began to get worse and worse the longer I kept up with it.

Things got so bad that I finally began trying to stop only to realize that I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried.

The darkest moment in my life was being trapped in that place where I now knew without a doubt that it was stop or die, but at the same time being unable to imagine life without alcohol. I had to get help.

Hi NoProblem92! Glad you joined us.
How do you know no one thinks you have a problem? Have you talked with anyone?
I think that non-alcoholic friends tend to brush it off. They'll casually dismiss the idea because they don't understand or it makes them uncomfortable.
It sounds to me like you have a problem.
Fortunately, this is a problem that can be solved: quit drinking.
It has helped me to have support. And, it has helped me that I do not live with anyone who would encourage me to continue drinking - no one to say "oh, have one glass".
Keep reading on here: lots of information and support if you need it.

Glad you are here this morning! I could have easily written your post ten months ago. I battled with myself for several years alternating between periods of sobriety and failed attempts at moderation. I am closing in on ten months sober, and I feel so much better physically and mentally.

There are many different paths to recovery. A few good links on here Re the 24 hour thread, you can make that daily commitment to remain sober. Also, the monthly threads, you should sign in to the October 2016 class today and you will find other who have also decided to stop drinking this month.

The first few days can be a little tough. For me it was important to plan out the time I would normally be drinking. I read, exercised, took my kids to activities or to the park, took baths, binge watched a few Netflix series.

Stick around here today and read and post as much as you need.

You can do this!!!

❤️Delilah

Hi,

If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then it's a problem and stopping drinking is the way to go. It's best to not worry about what others think about your drinking. You know how you feel and you know what you need to do. I hope you make the decision to stop drinking.

This "being of two minds" you describe here is the hallmark of addiction. I completely understand that feeling...having a part of me that wanted to drink and a part of me that did not. One part of me will win out...which part did I want to be in charge of my life?

It doesn't matter whether other people think you have a problem with alcohol or not. You know full well that alcohol is causing you serious problems. Any thoughts otherwise are simply excuses from your "other part" designed to keep you drinking. That's all you need to know.

Welcome to the Forum Noproblem!! :wave:

Yes I can talk to my husband but don't think he understands the severity of it and how it is affecting me

Thanks everyone I'm just getting used to this forum chat thing and I didn't know how to see if there were any replies so very pleased to see all your messages of support. I am going to join the class of oct 2016. This is day 3 for me

Welcome to SR noproblem :)
D

Im glad you joined the oct16 class. SR is a great place to get your bearings together at the very difficult beginning.

As you start to feel somewhat more comfortable with yourself and have gained more knowledge there are even more resources as you navigate through site, and as your needs change.

Most importantly everyone is here to help (especially the moderators).. so stick around, and welcome.