keeppushing

My plan looks something like this:

1. Fail and drink heavily, usually evening before weekend or first day of weekend.
2. Day 1: Day of recovery, no need to do anything for that day but plan day 2 in detail.
3. Day 2: Feel much better, absolutely white knuckle this day and refuse the "its all okay now excuse."
4. Days 3 - 5/6: Follow the plan. Work, exercise, mindfulness, SR, healthy eating, fun reading, work through issues using CBT, keep busy (trying to find fulfilling volunteer work). No F2F meetings in the country that I live in. Relatively plain sailing.
5. Approaching first weekend, fight off romanticising drinking and/or celebration excuse. Plan weekend carefully.
6. White knuckle first sober weekend.
7. Weeks 6 - 8: Relatively plain sailing. Some urges, not much craving. Work the plan.
8. BAM! Something challenging hits me and I crumble. The challenge can be anything, I have not recognised any pattern.

I do not understand how to get past that last bit. If I can get through day 2 and the first weekend, which I usually do now, I have a great time until week 6 - 8. Optimism and motivation both through the roof. A wonderful time. It has gotten to the point where I really think that my expectation of a problem becomes the problem.

Any ideas on how to manage the point are welcome.

KP

FreedomCA

I need to build my spiritual life and connection to Higher Power. If I don't, I'm likely to drink again since willpower does not work and I need help from a Higher Power.

january161992

RDBplus3

'My' Plan always seemed to get off track by relying on that guy, Will Power.
... sober up ... not gonna drink ... that guy Will Power was gonna help me stick with it for sure this time ... white knuckling ... BAM-drinking and face-in-the-asphalt consequences again ... damn, what happened to that guy that promised 'I' could do it ... Will Power ...

The book Alcoholics Anonymous describes it as 'Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization' ... that Book, and the 12 Steps turned out to be Soooo much More Reliable than my old hollow shell of good intentions, but they sure sounded good when I listened to that damned jackass ... Will Power.

I drank for 40 years (and did a LOT of drugs). I then STRUGGLED real hard for a long time trying to stay Sober. Then I finally hit the end of my ability to continue living, in the gut-wrenching life of drinking, craving more till the inevitable bad consequences, sobering up, then ... the obsession to have just 1 drink (!!?!B/S!??!) ... and the continuous cycle of pure living HELL. Then I agreed to actually WORK the 12 Steps of AA.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... 3 great years so far ... and I KNOW U can B FREE 2

Dee74

Hi Keeppushing

one area I see thats not too well represented is continued support.

It didn't sit well with me to realise that I not only had to make the decision to give up alcohol but that I needed regular support to help me stick to that decision.

I wanted to just make the decision, never have to work at it, and never be troubled again - but it doesn't work like that

I'm not sure what your position is on things like AA or other groups like SMART or Lifering.

Those are all excellent ways to get face to face support and I would think well worth the effort to help you stay sober for good.

If SR is all that you can use right now, then I recommend you use it to its fullest capacity..check in every day...join a few threads, post your own threads, post on other peoples threads.

Become a fulltime member of this community - even on the days you don't think you need it cos those are invariably he days we probably need it the most.

Make recovery a part of every day and you'll discover you don't have to white knuckle this or do it alone - and you can be ready for challenges - any challenges

There are also some good ideas here - if you've not read it before.
If you have, I think it's well worth a re-read

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

doggonecarl

If you crack at the first challenge, I say one of your weak points is failure to work through the issues. Either they are mis-identified, or the method you are using to address them isn't working.

Also, have you taking drinking completely off the table? Is your committment to never, ever drink again? Or is any challenge you face enough push your committment away?

Delizadee

Totally agree with Dee on this.

And others who have said about working on your spirituality. And what that can mean if you're not so into that word, is just working on being more connected with yourself, and your community and the world around you.
Journaling, meditating, getting out in the community, volunteering, finding more sober hobbies and people to spend time with.

Another add on if you do not have a lot of real life face to face support is the Sober Tool App. It helped me so much through my first 6 weeks when I was all alone outside SR.

Another thing I would really recommend for you, that was suggest a bit ago by another poster, journaling in a log form. I think if you found a way to chart out your patterns you may find how to become more aware of when they are happening, before they happen, why they come about, and how to circumvent them with the right positive actions.

I used to use the logging exercise with my eating problems. I would have three colours for how good or bad my day was eating-wise (red, yellow,green) That I would colour in each day that passed.
Over time there were two things I could see- my patterns, and how looking at my patterns on paper and visually seeing daily my progression of patterns and choices, over time they changed. There were more green squares than there were red or yellow.
So, maybe you could try that as an exercise. Keep a log and see if you see a pattern in the past and see if your plan is working as you go along.... if you have a relapse, see if you've gotten farther. I really do believe in progress not perfection.

I am on SR a lot lately because I have way too much time on my hands and it's a good safe place to be and helps me think my own things out.

Hang in there.... you will get it!!

soberlicious

keeppushing,
If you've never read about AVRT, there are some great threads in the secular connections section of SR. I would urge you to explore this technique. It was very effective for me to learn how to separate myself from my urges and cravings for alcohol and not act on them. I decided that drinking under any circumstance for any reason was simply not an option. Best to you. You can do this!

keeppushing

Carl,

Thanks. Interesting. To answer your question, drinking is 100% off the table. The second question, is any challenge enough to push my commitment away, is no, because I face them all the time and it is straightforward for me to deal with them outside of the 6 - 8 week mark. Your insight of unmanaged/unidentified issues is very helpful, thanks. I'll try digging deeper.

Actually, I think some ideas are already surfacing. I think that there is the naive idea that since I am abstinent then I "deserve" better, which leads me to wonder if I am harbouring the unhelpful idea that I am making a sacrifice. I'll dig into that.

KP

FLCamper

Hello, KeepPushing. It seems that you have identified a pattern and it is beneficial to know that between 6 -8 weeks are your trouble spots. Plan ahead and be prepared.
For me, changing my routine during my tough times (5pm - 9pm) was vital. Instead of coming home, I went to the gym, mall, library, friend's house, park etc. Anything to side step the times I knew would be challenging. I also used visualization: mentally looking at myself doing things sober.
Keep working, sounds like you're on a good path - it just needs a little tweaking.