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Old 10-21-2016, 10:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm so scared


Hi,

I just wanted to post this as I don't know where else to turn. In the last 2 years I've attempted to stop drinking 3 times, I managed to give up twice for 7 weeks and then for 10 weeks.

I started drinking again about 3 months ago and have drank every day since, I felt like my life was starting to fall apart so took the doctor up on his offer of antidepressants (citalopram) that was about 2 months ago, in the last few weeks I've started drinking in the mornings as early as 8am.

I went out yesterday and drank a 70cl bottle of vodka which is about twice as much as I'd usually drink. I feel worse today than I ever have before, I didn't get out of bed until 4:30pm, I haven't eaten and I'm scared for my life.

I don't know what I'm looking to get from writing this but I don't know what else to do.
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Old 10-21-2016, 10:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Will power for me was never enough. It took professional help, IOP, and AA six days a week for 1.5 years. At the end I was drinking at 6:00am and consuming more than 750 ml daily.

Quitting drinking isn't easy but you can do it if you are willing to do what is necessary
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Old 10-21-2016, 10:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Drillbit,
I know how you're feeling. Im only on day 6, but I'm committed to never going back to living the existence that I've been in. I'm sure a lot of people with substantial sober time will post and give advice. For the last 6 days I've kept my commitment to sobriety front and center and have spent a lot of time on SR. It's given me confidence that it is possible and also doesn't make me feel isolated or shame. Stick around here for support and make sobriety your #1 priority.
You can do this!
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Old 10-21-2016, 10:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MIRecovery View Post
Will power for me was never enough. It took professional help, IOP, and AA six days a week for 1.5 years. At the end I was drinking at 6:00am and consuming more than 750 ml daily.

Quitting drinking isn't easy but you can do it if you are willing to do what is necessary
Thank you for the reply, that sounds terrible but I'm glad you're now sober.
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:03 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I can understand what you are going through. Alcohol is addictive, and you are currently addicted to it, which is why you have begun drinking earlier in the day. I was scared too because I couldn't get out, and I needed to find a solution, and for me that solution was AA.
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by IHaveFaith2016 View Post
Hi Drillbit,
I know how you're feeling. Im only on day 6, but I'm committed to never going back to living the existence that I've been in. I'm sure a lot of people with substantial sober time will post and give advice. For the last 6 days I've kept my commitment to sobriety front and center and have spent a lot of time on SR. It's given me confidence that it is possible and also doesn't make me feel isolated or shame. Stick around here for support and make sobriety your #1 priority.
You can do this!
Each time I've stopped in the past it was because something happened to give me the motivation to stop, for instance the last time I stopped it was because I happened to see a documentary on alcoholism late one night and realised what would happen if I kept drinking. As terrible as I feel right now it hasn't given me the motivation to stop, maybe it's because I want to escape this feeling by drinking. I know I need to give up I can't keep going like this.
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
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It is such a vicious cycle. That's why for most you just have to get off the merry go round.
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It is such a vicious cycle. That's why for most you just have to get off the merry go round.
It is =(

I don't know whether to try and start my day 1 today or whether to taper, I'm worried about stopping suddenly after such a big bender.
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:20 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Yes. Just stopping drinking wasn't sustainable for me, as it was too horrible. I needed to get a plan together and do some work on myself . Recovery work. Sobriety plan. Call it what you will. I wasn't ready to just deal with life and 'being me' without my security blanket of booze. I needed help to gain a different perspective and find different ways of dealing with the general up and downs, excitements and and dissapointments dealt to us in day to day existence. Thankfully there's plenty of help out there. I was another one who used AA.

I hope you feel strong enough to make a plan soon, and see if by adding things into it you can maintain sobriety and find a way to make it bearable, sustainable and some day preferable to drinking. BB
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Drillbit
How about talking to the dr that gave you the anti depressants about a medical detox?
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Old 10-21-2016, 11:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Hi Drillbit
How about talking to the dr that gave you the anti depressants about a medical detox?
I know I should, I've got an appointment to see a psychotherapist on Monday so I've been holding on until then. I'll try an book an appointment with the dr next week.
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Old 10-21-2016, 12:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Drillbit, hang in there. It sounds like you don't feel in control of your life and that is a scary feeling. You are probably still hung over too which is affecting your thinking, so remember that it will pass and you will feel better. But remember how terrible you feel right now, because this is the feeling you will be avoiding if you stop drinking. You deserve better than this, and you have the power to take control of your life and stop drinking.
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Old 10-21-2016, 01:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Drillbit, hang in there. It sounds like you don't feel in control of your life and that is a scary feeling. You are probably still hung over too which is affecting your thinking, so remember that it will pass and you will feel better. But remember how terrible you feel right now, because this is the feeling you will be avoiding if you stop drinking. You deserve better than this, and you have the power to take control of your life and stop drinking.
Thank you 2 complicated

I was pretty much set on going to get some beers to help me get through this but I've resisted the urge and if I can make it to midnight this will be my day 1. I feel slightly better than earlier but still pretty awful, I'm making some food now as I haven't eaten in over 24 hours, the tiredness and feelings of guilt aren't great either.
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Old 10-21-2016, 01:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Drillbit, the early days are tough, no question. It's always a good idea to talk to your doctor because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous and unpredictable. Try to not let yourself get overwhelmed. Plan on getting through the day, sober, making a plan as to how to continue your recovery and taking care of yourself. Eating is very important, and being kind to yourself is also important.
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Old 10-21-2016, 02:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Drillbit - I know exactly how you feel. Been there. Many times. One day, I knew I'd had enough. I drew a line in the sand.

Definitely talk to the psychotherapist, and own up to the drinking. I didn't tell my therapist how much I drank. And I didn't understand why the antidepressants just didn't seem to be working. I also lied to the therapist and told her I was feeling better, even though I really wasn't. Here's the deal - it says to avoid alcohol right on the label of the prescription bottle. For a good reason. They just don't work as well if you're drinking. And hey - alcohol is a depressant! I stayed on the antidepressants for 6 months after I got sober. Then, with my doctor's blessing, I tapered off of them. And I felt fine. No more panic attacks. No crushing anxiety and sadness. So - I cam to the conclusion that, for ME, the alcohol actually caused most of my depression and anxiety. So be honest with the therapist. They've heard it all before. Nothing to be ashamed about. He/she can be of immense help to you in your upcoming journey. You CAN be sober for life!
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Old 10-21-2016, 02:29 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Drillbit, you've done it before and you can do it again.
I'm glad to see you here you are not alone in where you are. You can do this, it's really good you're posting here on sr again. Stick close to us, good luck getting through the early parts and please don't hesitate to see a dr if you are worried about withdrawals.
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Old 10-21-2016, 03:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Thank you all for the responses they are hugely comforting, I'm glad I put this post up.

I scared myself by reading about withdrawals so I had a small glass of wine (probably 2 units) to taper off and hopefully reduce the chances of symptoms. I feel like I broke a mental barrier by initially deciding to quit today so hopefully I can maintain that mindset moving forward and I'll go to see the dr this week.
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Old 10-21-2016, 04:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi Drillbit,

Sorry to hear your going through some tough time.

Have been reading your thread and it brought up a lot of memories for me when i was trying to get sober but kept going back to alcohol.

I think for today maybe just try and acknowledge within yourself that you have taken the first step by admitting to yourself there is a problem.

I wouldn't be doing much more than that today.


The other thing i would do that worked for me to get sober,

Get rid of any alcohol from the house. by doing that you are eliminating one voice from the spectrum.

Rest. and Drink lots of water.

Then tomorrow no matter what way you feel take a walk to the local shop and buy a pen and a journal.

It will take time to feel any way better, but those journeys of a thousand miles always start with one step.

The alcohol will be out of your system in 2-3 days,

Hope this helps.

good luck with day 1
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Old 10-21-2016, 04:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Certainly I can relate too. The sheer awfulness, the sick-to-the-bone feeling of being so hungover, yes.

But you most definitely can make it the last time you feel like this.

Stay strong and committed to quitting. Use your visit to the therapist to bolster your commitment. You can do that by coming absolutely clean with your therapist and enlisting her or him as your ally in your fight against this. My visit to my doctor on Day 1 was my line in the sand. I gave up, figuratively, and owned up to my true alcoholic ways. Scary but liberating. It was a first step to freedom.
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Old 10-21-2016, 04:21 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi Drillbit

another vote for the Dr from me - if you're concerned about withdrawal it's the best safest way to go.

What about committing to posting here regularly for a while? Join a thread like the Class of October support thread

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-3.html

& read around the various forums, see what others are doing to stop and stay stopped?

D
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