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Cutting Back - Looking for Life.

Old 10-19-2016, 02:33 PM
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Cutting Back - Looking for Life.

Hello everyone,

I have been browsing this group for some time now. I will start off by saying the things I have came across within the various topics and conversations have been of great help recently.

Without getting into too much detail....a quick background on where I am currently with my problem/sickness. I am 27 years old. I am gifted with a full time, unbelievably awesome career that I am continuing to grow daily with. I am blessed with a great family (Mother, father, and two killer younger sisters), along with great trustworthy friends. I wasn't one for drinking often when I was in my teens, or even in my early years of college. Occasional weekend parties, binge drinking maybe a day or two a month. Alcohol just wasn't my thing, and I had found things at an early age that captivated every element of who I was and what I loved. Enter my early 20's....I was lifting weights and training 6 days a week and happened to luck into a decent paying part time security job. This particular club I worked in was full of beautiful women and very wealthy men. I have never been a socially awkward person much of my life, but I could never call myself outgoing in public. I felt out of place in this particular environment for whatever reason. So when I had the option to drink, it came easily as it calmed my nerves and allowed me to interact with unbelievably attractive young women with ease (lame I know hah). Little did I know that having self confidence and knowing how to really talk/interact with people didn't come from alcohol. It came from knowing yourself. As time progressed I continued to drink on these select weekend nights to help keep the edge of discomfort off. It even seemed to work. I started to drink before my shift (BAD IDEA) shortly after. This snowballed into thinking alcohol was my safe bet whenever I felt uncomfortable. I know now that was wrong. Alcohol is nothing more than a mask. A very half hearted one at that. Skip ahead several years, my drinking remained tame. At 2,3 maybe 4 nights a week. I didn't need it daily. Until I left to go chase a dream job. I left everything behind to leave and work doing what I loved in hopes of creating the life I had dreamed of since a child. Fast forward due to my lack of effort, primarily alcohol based, I was let go a month in. My entire world felt like it had just fallen into it's darkest place. I couldn't call anyone, I had nowhere to be, no job, minimal money left, so I turned to alcohol once again. It took weeks of living in a Hostel, broke spending my money backpacking and drinking. I did not call or let any of my family or friends know my current state. I finally found the courage to call home and break the news.......after many drunken nights alone thinking about ending my own life. How could I ruin my opportunity over booze? I already knew what I wanted and had it in front of me. I let it go over a bottle. When I returned home in the summer of 2012 , I started to drink more frequently. I was given another opportunity locally to take my current position and did so without hesitation. I also continued to drink. Heavily.

Apologies on the long gut spill but for me it is a huge part of what I am today. Good and Bad.

I am at the point now, where I have been drinking daily for 1.5-2 years. I don't drink in the morning. I don't wake at night craving alcohol. I work hard from start to finish, and begin my evenings with a drink. I drink malt liquor now, tall boy cheap cans with 7-8% content. Some nights I have 2 and sleep fine. Other nights I go 3-4 and will even spend time at the bar with another pint or two of high octane IPA. I recently met a girl who I am very found of, but the cold hard truth hit me.......I met her when I was drunk. Most times I see her I am drunk or about to get drunk. That is unfair to put another human being you care about through. She doesn't desire me drunk, she deserves me sober. My memory is terrible after drinking....go figure.

I have made the decision in life to cut down on my drinking. I know the argument of dropping it all together, but I think personally where I am now that going from 7 days a week down to 2-3 and eventually down to 1 maybe 2 days a week of moderate drinking will help to start. If I feel like I will fall back into a daily habit I am confident I will seek medical help and quit. I am one my third day sober. Not a drop and I feel great. I have some minor shakes, and my sleep pattern has been awful. It takes a long time to fall asleep and it's almost like the first 3-4 hours I'm not really sleeping and constantly waking up. But I have to say it feels great. I was worried about having more withdrawal symptoms, but so far so good. I notice some slight irritation but really it something I can swing out of pretty quickly.

I now really do see alcohol and what it is. I enjoy it, a good beer or on the rocks, but the amount I am consuming is wrong. I have to learn to respect it, or leave it alone entirely. I have read some of the other posts and I can't imagine how awful it must be to drink close to a gallon of hard liquor daily from sun up to sun down. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with that or recovering from it. I look and think back to when I was young and the beauty, simplicity, and heart I found in simple things, places, and people in life. I like to hope I can find my way to something close in adulthood and while away from alcohol. I know alcohol won't save my life. It will end it if I continue to abuse.

Not really looking for advice, maybe some people who have been down a similar road. If not it's really just my introduction to you all. Thanks ahead of time for those who take the time to read this. This is a big step for me in knowing I have a problem. I also know it can be subdued and controlled. Even if that means quitting down the road. I just recently started going back to the gym and eating healthier. I must say it feels like starting life all over again.

I look forward to having a safe place to call home when I need to release thoughts and ask for advice from so many others who have fallen into this trap.

All the best, Eddy808

Last edited by Eddy808; 10-19-2016 at 02:44 PM. Reason: Added wording.
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Old 10-19-2016, 04:17 PM
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Hi Eddy

I tried but I couldn't dial back from daily drinking to any kind of control.

In a sense I'm glad because my relationship with alcohol was always a toxic one.

My life is immeasurably better for that relationship having ended.

I wish I could dissuade you from trying to keep drinking, but I hope at least you'll be honest with yourself and don't move the goalposts you've set up...

If you find yourself daily drinking again, or recklessly or dangerously drinking/binging...I hope you'll find the acceptance to reconsider your idea.

D
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Old 10-19-2016, 04:33 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Eddy!!
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Old 10-20-2016, 04:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Eddy808 View Post
I have made the decision in life to cut down on my drinking. I know the argument of dropping it all together, but I think personally where I am now that going from 7 days a week down to 2-3 and eventually down to 1 maybe 2 days a week of moderate drinking will help to start.
If you could drink just one or two times a week, don't you think you would? I think your response will be, "Well, I've never really tried to moderate before."

Well, you haven't tried quitting either. Why not give it a whirl, say three months, no alcohol. Much can be learned in the struggle. And if you find yourself resisting the suggestion to quit, ask yourself,
"Why am I clinging so tightly to a substance that has brought me so much grief in such a short period of time?"
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Old 10-20-2016, 04:45 AM
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Welcome Eddy!
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