A letter to my aunt.
 

Just thought I'd share the very personal letter with the whole world, just cause.


Aunty,

So writing/sending this email to you is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I am so tired of trying to battle this monster on my own, and i cannot continue to let it rule my life anymore.

For the past (almost) 2 years I have been struggling with a full blown methamphetamine addiction. I have allowed myself to become completely consumed by my addiction and my entire existence is ruled by the substance. I smoke it daily just to feel any kind of normality.

To be honest, I’m not even sure what kind of support I am asking from you. I just know I need help and I can’t do it alone. i don’t want to be a 30 year old woman, miserable, with nothing to show but a raging drug habit and broken dreams, My life wasn’t meant to turn out like this. I know If I really want to get clean and find peace within myself, I need positive support and a non judgemental environment to be in while i recover. I love my mum so very much, I wish i felt comfortable asking her for help – but my mum isn’t able to offer the same understanding of mental health and addiction that you possibly would be able to from your work with ***. This is why I chose to reach out to you, that and because I don’t have anyone else to turn to that I trust. . Please don’t jump straight on the phone to mum, I don’t want to stress her out as well just yet. Please.

I can’t help but feel unworthy of your love and support, and I understand if you are not in the position where you can help me right now, I just thought it worth a shot. I feel like I owe it to my puppy dogs and to myself to at least try something else.

I’m sorry for ruining your day. I love you. x

Your favourite niece, ;)
J

Strangely enough an hour after sending this, my mum managed to track me down via my ex - I hadn't spoken to mum in months, and I thought that her and my aunt must have spoken... For sure.. I was wrong, turns out mother intuition runs strong. Received an email back from my aunt as soon as I hung up the phone to my mother. She wrote..

"My Sweetheart, I'm ready for you... I've been waiting for you to talk to me about what your experiencing for some time.

I'm here 100% behind you, beside and in front if you. I have you back honey...i will never turn my back on you no matter what life throws at you. Yes let's team up on this sucker.....

What do you need? Do you want to come here or do you need me there?

I tried to call before sending this but maybe your phone isn't working. My mobile is 04******** home phone 08*****, reverse the charges. And we can work out a plan.

Love aunty"

That's a good Aunt 1dance. I know that couldn't have been easy for you. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

Sounds like you have a loving support system! I am pulling for you as well. XOXOX

Thank you so much for sharing. It was great to read. A very strong move on your part to reach out and ask for help. Wishing you continued strength to go forward and a lot of great support from your aunt and mum. :hug: Please continue writing here, you will find a lot of support here as well. :grouphug:

Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of courage. It is the hardest thing that we do when starting on our journey. Good for you for asking for help!

That's a really powerful letter and response. You are SO blessed. Take this opportunity to get help and then pay it forward by helping others. I'm happy for you.

I'm really glad you have support 1dance L :)

D

Wow, what an amazing letter! How wonderful to feel that unconditional love. A very special aunt for sure!

This makes my day. Thank you for posting. At my worst I knew I couldn't reach out to my parents or other family members. I have my husband, and he was the only one I really trusted. I am in awe of what you did, and I am so humbled by her loving and wonderful response.
You have great courage and humility doing what you did.
I hope you see your Aunt very very soon.

Woow this feels like so long ago.
It's taken me this long to come back to where my family live.
I'm now on my 22nd day of sobriety.
It should be a lot more than that - but the internet just makes it too damn easy to score.
Excuses excuses.
Here's to new beginnings.

F**k I hate weight gain. :headbange

I hate active addiction. :headbange

Thank you for sharing with all of us. I know that was a hard letter to click "send" on. When I read your aunt's reply I couldn't help but tear up. What a wonderful aunt you have and you sound like a pretty great niece, too. I'll be praying for you.

At least you're still here. You haven't given up. Never give up, you'll get there! You're up to 22 days now. That's fantastic. Keep on keepin' on. :You_Rock_

22 days is a lot better than using again today - glad you're back :)

D

I'm glad you're back too 1dance. Glad I'm back too! I relapsed last Wednesday with alcohol which is dead easy to obtain as well, every pub on the corner, but they've lost my business, thats for sure. It was horrible (still is) 1dance but now know I do have choice, the point is to exercise it, We can do this.

Just realised your original post goes back to 2016 1dance. What are you doing now to make the change?

Keep moving forward. You can do this. Your Aunt is a blessing.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, I really need to get on here more often. It really does help with making me realize that I am not alone in this wonderful world of addiction.

I am feeling pretty **** at the moment, but I am still clean which is nice. I'm still living at my aunt's place, and to be honest - it's time for me to leave. I don't know if it's the depression or what but I really no longer feel comfortable here anymore. I need an escape.

I have always been a very self-sufficient person and haven't really lived at "home" with rules and **** since I was 13. I moved out of home/ran away when I was 13 and went to work full time at McDonald's (lol) because my father and I didn't get along. It was easier for me to live off $200 a week and couch surf rather than be around the man. I'm not complaining or bitching about my dad, I do love him and I know that everything I went through as a kid has made me the person I am today. I am a tough girl. and have always managed to land on my feet - usually unassisted.

Other than that, my aunt runs a driving school here which she loves and she kinda just expected I would love the work too. I have been with her on a few lessons and really tried to enjoy the work and the possibility of having a "real" job. She has offered to pay for my training and what not so I can be qualified as an instructor. But, I just don't like it. Theres something about sitting in a Suzuki Swift with a nervous, sweaty-palmed teenager while they almost kill us on multiple occasions that just doesn't interest me. I don't like teenagers, and I don't like cars (push bikes FYW)... So I told her I don't think I want to go ahead with training and waste thousands of dollars and valuable time on a job I just don't see myself wanting to do. Since I told her that, she has really changed towards me. I'm on my own path in life, and I honestly want it to be as authentic and real as possible. I don't want to spend precious time doing a job that I hate. Otherwise, I would go work at Mcdonalds again.

Then there is the fact that I just don't feel welcome here anymore. I mean when I came here I didn't realize there was an expiry on the offer. I thought there was room here for me until I figured out what it is I want to do. But now I have to give up the spare room I'm staying in so that her "other" family can come visit her for 2 weeks. Which means I actually have nowhere else to go. One of my dogs in in a kennel because they are scared of him (he is a rottweiler but a total sweetheart) and I don't know where or what to do so I thought being temporarily homeless with two dogs (the other dog is tiny 5kg and can be snuck into a bag lol) would be too hard.

SO anyway, right now I am in limbo, I crave that freedom I once had but without the drugs of course. I'm sad but I'm not stupid, I realize how much harder life is with a drug habit to feed, but I also realize how hard life is when you have to rely on anyone but yourself.

Sorry for the long dramatic rant but I just thought a vent might help me feel better.

Suggestions welcome!
Peace

1dance

If you feel the need to move on to your own place, there's no shame at working at McDonalds or whenever to help you achieve that.

Do you feel you could share with other young people and maintain your recovery now? That's the $64 question :)

D