boblardo

Thanks BB, the next newcomers meeting is on Saturday, there are other non newcomer meetings on Monday & Tuesday but didn't know if they were the right ones!!!

The thought of my wife not being in my future absolutely terrifies me, I need to take that step!!

Yogini1603

Go for it! Every new meeting is scary, it's a group of new people after all! But we're all there for the same reason. No one is going to ask you to leave or make you feel awkward - we're there for each other

Berrybean

You can go to any meeting (except gender specific ones for the opposite sex of course). Open means anyone who's alcoholic can go, and also friends or family or anyone else interested in AA . Closed would be just alcoholics. So again, you could go to either open or closed meetings. If your wife wanted to know what goes on there she could come with you to an open meeting some time (my partner never wanted to. I think he's a bit scared he might get sober by accident if he went lol).

Hope you manage to lean into the fear and go get some help and support. When you go, I'd recommend buying the little Living Sober book. It's full of wisdom for everyday situations and dealing with life and emotions as they come up.

BB

boblardo

I have found the courage to go to a meeting, I am meeting someone ahead of the meeting who has agreed to introduce me and support me during my first time.

I can do this, I will do this!

RedAndy

Good luck Boblardo and good to see you are serious about getting yourself to a meeting, realisation that change was needed and that it had to come from within was crucial for myself and for every other person on here who is working their recovery. That change is possible for us all but you have to want it more than anything else and do whatever it takes.

Life without it frightened the living daylights out of me too but believe me it can be done and it truly is the best thing we can ever do for ourselves and our families.

So much to see so much to do - alcohol doesn't have to feature and it certainly doesn't make anything better, just a whole lot worse in the long run - it's not that great in all honesty - this side of the fence is miles better.

Make those little bobs proud of you.

Look forward to seeing you around on here - good idea to stick close to this place too on a regular basis for plenty of support - join the monthly class, found this to be a great benefit when I joined the November class last year.

boblardo

Something crazy just dawned on me, what if I know someone at the meeting, I think I would be totally embarrassed.

I'm not sure I'm ready for that?

It's driving me crazy wondering!!!

FLCamper

I had that happen. But, he was there for the same reason I was. It is totally anonymous. It was not awkward at all - in fact it was actually nice to see a familiar face.
I hope you do not stress about doing this. It is a great step in the right direction. It's just an hour of your time to help you overcome a terrible burden.

boblardo

So I found the courage and went to my first meeting

It was difficult to associate myself with being an alcoholic but it's clear that I am in fact an alcoholic

The biggest thing for me was realising that not all alcoholics wear trousers held up with rope and smell

Thanks for the support so far

jeffrey542016

you have made the first step...your talking..good luck....

Berrybean

Haha. Not most of the time anyway. My home group has a very mixed and unexpectedly successful range of professionals and vocations in its midst.

Hope you go back soon.

BB

boblardo

Sooo, here i am again. I thought I was making good progress but unfortunately for me I had convinced myself that i was able to control my drinking and started again. This saturday I went to a social BBQ at 5pm and what should have been a memorable day turned into a huge bender. I am told I was still opening drinks as we were getting ready to leave at 2am.

I need help to quit drinking, I cannot do it alone.

Dee74

Welcome back Bob

whats the plan from here?

D

boblardo

I have no plan;

There are lots of good things in my life, a loving wife, two great children and a good job.

I keep telling myself I don't need alcohol but ALL my previous attempts have failed. This is probably the 3 or 4th time ive tried stopping and i always end up back here after a huge bender and being filled with resentment, embarrassment and regret.

2ndhandrose

Welcome back, boblardo

I have found that sticking around SR on a regular basis, reading (so much gold to ponder and apply to my life ) and posting support to others is a way to build on my sobriety and to remind myself that ONE drink will undo it all.

The support, wisdom and generosity of SR is like nothing I have seen before and I am grateful to come here everyday.

I hope to see you around

doggonecarl

If you look at your initial post, that's the exact thing you said then...you had talked yourself into controlled drinking.

In reality, your addiction doesn't care one whit about controlled drinking. It just wants to drink. So you didn't so much talk yourself into controlled drinking as you talked yourself out of sobriety.

Make the goal sobriety. Total sobriety. Commit to it fully. And do everything in your power to support that decision.

boblardo

Last night I started reading "The Big Book", I am sure you are all familiar. The funny thing is, I just couldn't stop reading. I eventually subsided to sleep after completing Bills Story.

What shocked me was how parts of Bill's Story was like reading my life, it was addictive reading.

My wife still loves me but I see disappointment in her eyes, I have let her down again. Everything that is good in our lives is because of her, everything that is bad is down to me and my drinking. I it owe to her, my kids and myself to be a better husband, father and man. That can only happen if I remain sober.

I have woken up this morning invigorated and determined, I am starting to realise I am powerless to alcohol and abstinence is the only plan for success.