Asyuk

Hi all,

I'm reaching out to ask people for their experiences - and hoping for encouragement.

I'm at day 53 - the longest I've been without a drink in my adult life (by some measure). I was drinking quite a lot for probably about the last ten - twelve years before now (but was hardly a saint for the few years before that). It's hard to give an idea as to how much I was drinking - it was less than some of the people I know, but to be honest it was more than most.

Since some initial hurdles the drink cravings have really subsided and I'm almost at the stage where I can take it or leave it. I'm not counting my chickens, and am sure that the AV can and will creep up on me, but for the past week or so I haven't really thought about wanting a drink.

However, I feel like I have been useless at work - really struggling with working things out, making mistakes etc. My confidence is taking a real knock and that's only making matters worse - it feels like a vicious circle. This in turn is feeding back into my mood and making me feel really down.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Any ideas as to what to do about it? Can I hope that it will pass, and does anyone have any thoughts as to how long it might take to do so?

I appreciate that I am really early on in the journey, and that I have lots of work still to do, but I feel really disheartened that things are feeling worse with regards my cognitive ability rather than better.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Asyuk

Anna

I wonder if you've talked with your dr about your cognitive issues? It might be a good idea to do so, if you haven't. Congratulations on 53 days sober!

Darwinia

I'm no expert but I suspect that your work and other issues may not be alcohol related. Well done on the sobriety. For me, getting up every morning without a hangover or that dull feeling is great. I do not want alcohol to have any effect on my work whatsoever.

carlingford

Hi Asuk, Yes I am similar, I am 54 on 35 days clean, I made loads of mistakes in work this week, its frustrating and as I work in a professional job its embarrassing and much more, I take vitamin b and thiamine every day. I eat well and now sleeping well but need more exercise as desk bound. My memory is terrible especially short term and just am seeking answers same as you.

carlingford

forgot to say Asyuk, we are suffering from Paws - Post Alcoholic Withdrawal syndrome which can last for a short time or long time depending on person and history etc. There is plenty of information on here on SR, its the brain rewiring itself and not to be resented as recovery in progress, take care and let us know how you getting on

Delizadee

I got better physically really fast. Mentally, I got better in the first two weeks really fast and then I nosedived between 4-7 weeks. ( and then I relapsed)
I am going through something similar this time around too. I think it's normal, around certain points a lot of people seems to hit lows or really struggle mentally, emotionally, and with their sobriety.
I've been assured and so will tell you to have some trust that this is part of the recovery process, as many have said, and we will hit peaks and valleys as we go along this road. Remember this too shall pass. Be kind to yourself, and just do the best you can.
I know it's frustrating, I dealt with it too and still do. Sometimes to me the degree of my cognitive dysfunction literally leaves me feeling and looking like I am drunk. Other times it's mildly annoying things like forgetting simple words. Forgetting simple things like what I'm doing or someone's name, where I put something, losing pieces of time.
It does get better tho. Eventually I'm sure we'll just get back to the normal ups and downs of life but with the added benefit of having the knowledge of how we were able to walk through our own fires.
At least these are the thoughts that keep me going and give me some faith and strength. Hang in there!

advbike

Cognitive repair takes time. Get as much exercise, sleep, and healthy food as you can, especially foods with B vitamins. Expect considerable improvement at 6 months, continuing for another year or so.

August252015

I got this on SR months ago and have shared it all over the place- it is a really good piece on PAWS. I had severe symptoms, respective to plenty, and things took a number of months to even out. Cognitive and spatial issues (I noticed the latter when I started driving again), forgetting things, etc....
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

Continuing not to drink is the only way to keep getting better. I am 235 days sober, so going on 8 months, and I am one who started out very sick (given a yr, 18mo to live back in Feb, if I didn't stop) and I saw great improvements happen at intervals. Around 100 days, a lot of PAWS had passed, by 6 mo I felt strong and healthy; emotional ups and downs are more what I deal with now. I still get quite tired when I push myself (I have a very active job). The cognitive impairment seems to be about normal for a 40 year old, and that's it!

Good luck. Keep going!!! It just gets better.

tekink

day 32 for me and I also cannot focus or concentrate. I have to run a restaurant, I'm glad I don't run it by myself.

Bulgakova

I'm new to the recovery path, but I do have some info about cognitive therapy as a psych major. It works very well for things like depression and anxiety, or generally navigating through difficult problems. By "works well", I mean that when they compare it to other treatments, it has better success rates.

As to why I never stopped to get my own CBT when life was hitting the fan till now.... well knowledge doesn't always prevent you from being a fool.

I'm just starting to look at CBT for addiction, and as I dig into it, I'm sure I'll report here about whatever I find. But so far it does make sense, in light of the Addicted Voice. CBT does have to do with rerouting thought patterns, and the AV is a thought pattern.

Anyway, we'll see! Good luck to you

gettingsmarter

This comes in waves for me. I have 1- 1/2 years and am lightyears ahead of what I was at 2 months. I couldent really hold much of a conversatin at first. What ever you do not drink. It takes time.

Pipefish

Having it all together - as in really, really together, and not just the usual run of the mill, make a mistake because I'm human type of gal - was a big part of my denial. There was nothing wrong with me, see? Can't catch me out out on anything! Not one single thing! Never put a foot wrong, me! Because there's nothing, not one single thing, wrong with me! At some points (not late on) alcohol was the glue that held my life together, because I'm just gunning to get all 'this stuff' (i.e. my life!) out the way, so I can go and reward myself with a drink. Life was held on to so tightly. Now that, is really, really hard work, and on reflection, I wasn't present to one single bit of it.

Recovery for me has been rather like undoing that very tight round the middle pair of jeans; the tight holding on is let go, and out it all spills. And we breathe....and join the rest of the human race, in being just normally efficient, just normally able, just normally functional, and present to all of that.

So, my experience would say nothing to worry about. It's all good. And sometimes, even when it doesn't feel good, it's still good. 'Not good' in my world usually means new or outside of my existing frame of reference. Without gently venturing into accepting things as they are, I can't move forward, so I get stuck, get anxious or go back. Acceptance truly is the path of least resistance, and is a solution in and of itself.

If you are worried that what you're experiencing is arising from physical damage caused by drinking, as other suggested, do see your doctor for advice. But 'tis early days - eat well, rest and most of all, be gentle with yourself.

Mattq2

I think I see things in a more simplistic way. In the beginning drinking. Not drinking, sobriety, and the exercise of always fighting off my AV was always on my mind, even if it was subconsciously. There was no way to focus completely on the task at hand even when, at that particular time it felt like I was. In hindsight I realize that now. Slowly as time goes on I can focus better each day

tufty13

Congrats on 53 days, that's damn good going.

I went through hell around several periods, I don't recall the exact days though.
I'm pretty sure cognitive function has improved but it could do with being a good deal better.

My children have even told me to get checked out by my GP.