suzie89

Nice to hear an update from you, and I agree about the decorations. Putting them up always makes me happy, but also a hint of sadness. You are right....sobriety is freedom. There's absolutely nothing I miss about what drinking was for me by the end.

Winslow

Day 20 something, I tend to lose count after 10 days for some reason, I think cuz I've had relapses in the past on certain days and I'm superstitious now,sort of a self sabotage,which is really stupid if you think about it, how is drinking a"treat" barfing, being dizzy,feeling out of control, etc,sounds like torture, don't think my daughter is going to make it home for Christmas she's still working on her relationship with the creepy boyfriend,I'll just send her a card with some money and she can open the gifts I've got her whenever she gets back,I've been working on decluttering my house which also declutters my life,I'm being grateful for peace and not feeling terrible from drinking, I've been reading, posting here,just most of all changing my mindset from thinking I'm deprived to being happy I don't HAVE to drink, the relief comes from a lot of different things, the trash isn't overflowing with tall cans,I don't have to scramble to find a drink first thing in the morning, I don't have to waste money on booze,I'm able to take care of my family and drive anytime I want, even though I've driven while under,there were times when I knew I just wasn't capable, it's a relief not to worry

Winslow

Day 30 something but been here before, trying to work on myself physically and mentally right now, going through a mild case of the blues I think it's just a reflection of the year and all that's gone on,it really seems like it's sped by! I still mourn over my daughters lost pregnancy, I'm still sad my other daughter is still in FL doing heaven knows what but I'm detached from the situation a bit,I hafta focus on myself, my emotions, health, nutrition, etc,working my job paying my bills,getting at least 11,000 steps in everyday,I think after Christmas is over I'll feel better, there's always been sort of a sadness around the holiday for me,there's always a chemical change in my brain around 30 days too I know this and know it'll pass soon,just gotta stay present and focused

Soberwolf

That's it Winslow Christmas is a seriously hard time for me too I don't say it much & I am happy for everyone & myself but since losing my mum 7 years ago Christmas just hasn't been quite the same although through me I carry on certain traditions like making the tree all nice mrs sw is now boss of that says I'm messy with tinsel I guess I am lol

When I'm down I do my best to keep my head up .. not always easy but it is made a lot easier by coming & seeing my friends here (btw you have just made me think of something) Il post it directly after this in Newcomers

My point is we can get through this together my friend all of us @ SR

Winslow

Thanks Soberwolf(glad you're back btw)

Soberwolf

Thank you Winslow that means a lot

Winslow

Day something? All I care is that I'mnot drinking, don't want to, think it's gross,rarely think of it unless someone at work is talking about it, my friend/coworker told me all about how this past weekend she screwed up and early Christmas dinner for her extended family, she hadn't eaten all day then started cooking and drinking, ended up passing out and didn't even get to enjoy her dinner that she was looking forward to, I've done that a gazillion times and I say what a freakin waste! Time,money, memories all gone So now she has to cook allover again so she can actually enjoy the dinner, I'm glad she's getting another chance to make happy memories, just thought I'd share that cuz I don't want to mess up anymore holidays either, sometimes there is no make up dinner.

Winslow

Made it through Christmas without drinking or even thinking about it but I did overeat and woke up with a food hangover, that feeling is gross! Had a great time with family, daughter in FL called 3 times poor thing, said she wanted to be part of the action while we opened presents,so cute dealing with feelings of empty nest syndrome, my youngest daughter is flying back to Portland on Thursday and I'm gonna miss her terribly, she's such a soothing, positive person to be around, I don't like very many people but she's a good one to have around,we talked about it last night, shed a few tears and I told her that it's hard for me cuz I pissed away my parenting years and I can't get them back,they say not to cry over spilled milk but what if it was you yourself that spilled the milk? I can't get those years back,I can't try and be a parent now it's too late the guilt and loneliness is something that I really need to work on, was crazy cuz on Christmas we kept waiting for "Last Christmas" to play(our jam!) The Wham! One never played so we had to YouTube it,so it was weird that George Michael died after wanting to hear that darn song,lots of celebs died this year, crazy

Winslow

I guess I should count my days to keep track but all I know is that I'm not NYE,came and went,did have a tiny thought of how everyone else was in party mode and I wasn't, not really so much the drinking part but being able to stay up late I kinda felt left out on,if I don't get my sleep I feel like a crazy person the next dayso I try not to push myself and break my routine, took my Christmas decorations down yesterday and sure enough felt sad,next year I'm not gonna allow myself to be such a grinch when December starts,I'm not gonna turn off the wonderful Christmas music as soon as it comes on,I'm not gonna stress about what to buy(well maybe) I'm not gonna turn the channel when movies come on,I'm gonna embrace the season cuz it really does fly by,other than that I'm doing fine,just trying to be ahappy person and be grateful

suzie89

Happy New Year, Winslow! Loved your last post, and agree. I do the same thing with the Holidays!

Winslow

Thanks Suzie I think next week I'm gonna decorate for Valentine's day, I always do but usually wait for Feb.I just feel like my house looks naked like we're moving haha

Winslow

Read a title that said"sobriety is hard" it is,it shouldn't be but I think dealing with reality and breaking habits makes it hard,reality is that drinking was harder for me,lying, hiding, trying to sober up, trying to pretend to be normal, scared of cops behind me,finding ways to get it,trying to work drunk,trying to sleep drunk,the absolute need for it to"feel better" it's all b.s and hard work, if I worked that hard on other aspects of my life I'd be ruling the world haha

Winslow

Day 60 something, feeling pretty good about not drinking or wanting too,still having some mood issues but I think that's just me my personality cuz when I think back I've always been that way,just think myself into a bad mood for no reason at all,exercise is still huge for me,getting enough sleep, keeping my vitamins up,still haven't found a great eating plan that I will actually stick with but everything else is ok,onwards

Winslow

Day 90,feeling decent,need to do better journaling here I guess

Pete6256

Awesome winslow, keep going.

SoberLeigh

90 days is fantastic! congratulations, Winslow; power on!

stargazer016

Nice job Winslow!!

Dee74

Thats great Winslow

D

Midwest1981

Awesome job Winslow!

Winslow

Day 6 chose to drink last Thursday after a horrendous week at work, just sick of dealing with trashy,rude people, who don't even bother to tip on an $8 haircut after putting me through hell by being picky,an excuse I know but in my mind at that point it was a valid excuse, I can't wait till my boss either sells the shop or it shuts down for some other reason that way I have to make a change, after 14 years of putting up with it,I feel like I'm just at my breaking point with that joint