ValThistle

I am drinking after many successful months sober.

Delizadee

Can you put it down, pour it out, get rid of all of it, call a friend or sponsor?
Do you need to call a doctor?
Maybe a good night's sleep will help give you some rest and clarity. Do you know why you picked up again?
More importantly, have you decided to stop again?

SoberLifeForMe

Hi, Val. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm sure someone with a good length of sobriety will be along shortly. Please hang in there and stick around SR. Keep posting and reading and get back to your sobriety any way you safely can.

ValThistle

My father came for a visit. He lives on the west coast. I am on the east coast. I have not seen him in a few years. He is an alcoholic too. He has bone cancer, probably the last time I will see him. guess it was a coping mechanism for me, maybe? Lots of abuse and neglect in our past.

ValThistle

Already poured it out, was not that much anyways but still sad that I caved.

ValThistle

Pissed at myself

Purpleskye

It's not too late to dump out your drink. Walk away from the glass, the bottle, the shot. You reached out for help, so you already know now that you've had a drink how you feel about starting again.
We slip sometimes, but if you still want to stop, it's never too late. Right this second works just fine.
Keep in touch with us, grab a water, get some rest.

Purpleskye

Good for you! You already pulled up more strength than what alcohol has over you. Well done on taking back control.

ValThistle

It has been a short time off the wagon but I feel lost and scared as hell because I could get used to this self administered numbness. It is the easiest way out.

Purpleskye

It is easy, that's the scary part. It'll easy you right into death if you let it. And once it has control, that's a very real possibility.
YOU are still in there. You have the controls. You demonstrated it just tonight. The thing that we have to relearn coming out of this is that it's okay to feel pain sometimes. It won't get you. Dealing with it will just take a different approach. And the best part? Alcohol doesn't listen, be we do. Suddenly the pain is managed, and you stay safe and healthy.
You can do it. We are absolutely here for you.

butcher70

Best advise I can give is don't beat yourself up over it. Stop again and modify your plan. I'm sorry to hear about your bad news but can promise you letting the demon back onto your back isn't going to help anything. I get the numbness. I know thats the main reason I drank and I'm sure many others, not to feel. Just try to remember all the bad stuff that goes along with being reliant on booze. It's a package deal and always comes with it. The negatives quickly and crush any positves. Got faith in you my friend! Get back in the saddle and best of luck!

ValThistle

Thank you for the support.xoxo

Ooona

Val: Dads sick and you relapsed. Its ok dont beat yourself up, I get it I really do. Wanting to use alcohol to help us cope with the emotions and feelings that come bubbling up during a time like this. I did the same thing after I had a great big loss but the biggest reason I did was because I had NO coping skills to deal with it, I always thought I was a prestty strong person but this thing gutted me and I just got into the habit of numbing and checking out.

Im still dealing with the emotional pain on a daily basis but a couple things I did. STOP DRINKING....that was hard but you know, we CAN do it! Also started seeing a therapist that has expertise in the area of grief, started ging to some groups, slowly gaining coping mechanisms.

so....can you get in with a counselor or support group to deal with dads illness, your feelings around that? Or maybe a different type of support to deal with the trauma and abuse of childhood? some where that you can start to gain some support/help/guidance/coping skills.

With the illness that your dad has this is possibly going to be going on for some time, it would be really best for you to start to put a plan together that includes dealing with this without alcohol.

Best wishes.

january161992

exactly why i got an apartment by myself after high school and spent 11 years trying to drink myself to death

then i got help at aa meetings

God bless

oh and thanks for your really cool honesty and humility

Anna

I'm sorry that you decided to drink and I understand your frustration with yourself. Your situation with your Dad sounds emotional and difficult. Will you be able to detach from your father enough so that you get through visits or connections with him?

soberclover

Tough situation for sure and I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. It's good that you are posting and not feeling great about drinking as well as recognizing that it is a maladaptive coping mechanism.

For me it has been tough sometimes wrapping my mind around putting down the drink doesn't mean everything in life will be peaches and cream. For me, I have to remember that no matter what tough situation I'm going through, drinking will not make it better; it will only make the situation worse.

Yankee73

Please forgive yourself. When I used to relapse and not forgive myself, it kept me drinking, then hating myself, then drinking more to escape the self-hate... I had to realize that for me, drinking was the only way I knew how to cope with stuff at the time...

And a BIG FREAKIN' CONGRATS for dumping the rest! I have never been able to do that when I'd relapse- ever!!!

Dee74

How are you doing Val?

D

fini

Val,
when you're done being pissed with yourself, two things come to my mind: one, the suggestion that you find help to get to a more peaceful place with yourself about your dad, or with your dad himself, too, and two, that you revisit the idea of what successful sobriety is.
what i mean is: having sober months is great, and if you're feeling pretty okay in those months, that's great. when something difficult then happens, or shows up again, and you go back to drinking, it seems reasonable to look back and examine where/how/why the sobriety wasn't as solid as you thought it was.
it would be an opportunity wasted if you just moved on without looking at that.
just an opinion, of course.

TulsaGentleman

So you relapsed. OK. You poured out the booze and reached out for advice here. Good for you. So now you get back on the wagon and do whatever it takes to stay there. For me what worked was AA. After 25 years of sobriety I would have to say that it worked pretty well for me. You might try that. It's easier than you think.