SpaghettiFan

Thank you all for the support. Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I actually forgot that I had even posted this. I was in a bit of a fog during that time.

I did make it to that job! I felt absolutely terrible and was on the verge of an anxiety attack every few minutes but I somehow managed to keep it under control. I probably looked terrible but nobody said anything. I've now been sober for 5-ish weeks, which is the longest that I've been sober since I was 21, I think.

I've been feeling the cravings lately, though. But I'm pushing through them and trying to replace the alcohol with food and working out. I've been trying to learn how to cook, though I can barely chop an onion.

Anyway, I thought I'd give an update. And again, thank you all.

Hevyn

Welcome SpaghettiFan. What great news that you made it to the job & have 5wks sober. We know the strength & determination it took to get there. I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting. It really helps encourage us when we have support from those who undestand.

Delilah1

Five weeks is fantastic! Are you enjoying the new job? Hope you will spend some more time reading and posting here, it really does help!

Truthbetold76

amazing. glad to hear you made it into work that day and WOW ...5 weeks?!
you should be super proud

(chopping onions sucks)

Dee74

Congrats in 5 weeks SpaghettiFan

D

least

Five weeks sober is great! And if you stay sober, it will get even better.

lenny57

congrats... keep it going

MidnightRider

Way to go ! SpaghettiFan

SpaghettiFan

Hi friends,

I've fallen off the wagon. I went out with co-workers the day before Thanksgiving and (like a jerk) I drank a lot. I was so embarrassed going into work on Friday. I've been drinking every night since then.

I'm drunk right now but I think I'll be okay for tomorrow as long as I don't drink anymore. I have no real means of getting anymore alcohol currently so I think I should be okay. I'd really love more booze though.

You guys/gals don't have to respond to this. I feel bad bumping this old thread since it really doesn't do much to help others. I guess it's more of a log of what I'm dealing with. Maybe I'll come back to it in a year and I'll be sober. We will see.

Thank you all for the support. I'll stay on the boards tonight and browse the threads. I was going to try the chat but I have a stupid chrome book and I can't download java to get onto chat haha.

Delilah1

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow on day one. Do you have any supports to help keep you sober?

wpainterw

Spaghettifan: Sorry to hear you had a slip. These things happen, are not uncommon. Like falling off a horse. Best thing is to get back on and try not to fall off again. Get back on that horse. It can work if you do that. And keep posting on SR. There are several forums, threads, etc. on relapses. Dee can help you with that. He knows the various links. So work at sobriety. It's there for you. Rome was not built in a day. Your AV is working hard trying to get you to resume the booze. Get that beast back in its cage. Keep posting. We can help you get control of the beast..
Get ready to get back on the job Monday morning. Never give up.
Bill.

SpaghettiFan

My parents are great and really want me to stay sober. They know how destructive alcohol is because my dad's dad was an alcoholic. He died at the age of 40 because he couldn't quit. I never met him. Apparently we have a lot in common.

Other than my parent's I don't really have much of a support system. I'm single and don't have many friends. Most of my sober days are spent counting flowers on the wall, so it's very difficult.

I've thought about AA before but I don't really know if there is any evidence that shows it to be an effective method to battle addiction. I'm also not religious at all so that might be an issue.

Thank you for the reply.

SpaghettiFan

Thank you for your reply Bill. My AV makes me question reality at some points. How can I understand that drinking is ruining my life, but also want to drink every day? It's a very weird situation. It's as if I am two different people in one body haha.

I'll be doing my best tomorrow. I think I'll hang out with my brother's dog all day and drink orange juice haha.

Coldfusion

AA is a spiritual program, not religious. Here is some evidence that it works:

Winslow

Spaghettifan,can't think of anything profound to say but I figure a group hug would be nice I hope you'll stay here and work on getting sober, I always feel hopeless while drinking, after drinking, bleh,stupid addiction it is! I hope your next update is a happy one,wishing you strength

Dee74

I'd contend it has a better ratio of success than continuing to drink and doing nothing.

I'm not trying to be mean but in the end it's effort and action that makes change.

You've got to be willing to embrace change at some level or all you have is the same old same old.

D

wpainterw

Spaghettifan: Good idea. Orange juice and dog. I've found out that a dog can be a very fine higher power, far better than the odious and covertly pejorative "doorknob". I have one sleeping in my bedroom right now. Orange juice provides liquids plus vitamins. Just what you need. Good luck.

Bill.

Delilah1

This site has been my biggest support, you will find the more you read and post the less time you will have to think about drinking. Start out by joining the December class, it is still early in the month, it helps to have people at the same point in recovery. Also, check in in the 24 hour thread, it is a great way to make that daily commitment, and to connect with others on this forum. The 24 hour thread also celebrates weekly, monthly. And yearly milestones, and there are lots of virtual cakes that make me want to stray from my healthy eating plan.

Having the support of your parents is great, spend some time on the forums and you will have support here as well!

❤️Delilah

sadsadgirl

Hi spaghettifan, I really identify with your posts on this thread. I completely understand the self destructive behaviour regarding success. We love to sabotage ourselves! Must say I loved the comment someone posted about success meaning we have no reason to drink. Guess that's it really, the addicted part of the brain doesn't want to be quashed or killed. I do like AA, there is some peace to be found in the rooms. Even if it's just being around people who are like minded.

5 weeks is amazing-you should be pleased at making it that far. You can get back there and smash that target. Stay strong buddy

Hevyn

SpaghettiFan - I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. You now realize when alcohol is in your system, unpredictable things happen. I tried for years to just have a few drinks once in a while. Each time I put myself in dangerous or embarrassing situations. It took me a long time to admit I had no control, but once I did - I was able to get free. You can do it.