hockeyplayer28

I have developed an addiction to alcohol, I decided to stop drinking last week. I went four days without drinking. When I don't drink I am very depressed, and I get pretty irritable at times. I got very depressed yesterday and ended up drinking. I am not sure what to do about this. I did go five out of seven days last week with nothing to drink. We let this all sneak up on us and were pretty much having drinks every night, and it escalated from wine, to rum, and then from drinking a few to drinking a lot.

I am concerned that the depression, being tired and anxious will keep pushing me back to drink. I want to stop. At least get to where it does not control my life. I feel like a mess, and I am worried about it.

I hope no one is offended that I am on here, and I have not totally quit drinking yet. I want to be sober, and not reliant on this to self medicate.

Just looking for support and advice, how to get through the depression and such. I take an anti-depressant and medication for anxiety, which is a fine combination with alcohol. I think if I could get sober for a couple of weeks, it would get much better. The depression overwhelms me, and then I slip up again.

Thanks for reading this. Today is a new start.

jodc

Gosh Hockeyplayer, I don't think anyone would be offended by your post; in fact, you are going to see lots of "WELCOME! Glad you're here!

I am having trouble keeping 3 or 4 days without succumbing to the bottle but folks here are very supportive in so many ways.

Thanks for posting. So glad you're here.
Congratulations on making the decision and doing what you've done to help yourself so far!
Wishing you the best.

Ooona

Welcome, so glad that you are here! I see that you actually joined here in 2004 and only have a few posts since that time? Maybe consider making yourself a fixture here in the beginning of your actual quit, get a ton of support and ask questions and just read and even offer support to others who are struggling as well. I found I couldnt do this alone ( I tried) I needed to be with others like me, those who understood what I was going through.

Also just know that when you quit your going to not feel good for a while but you'll start seeing positive results pretty quickly. Have to keep in mind we have been poisoning our bodies for a long time, its gonna take a while to heal ya know? so just be realistic to that and maybe say, no matter how bad I feel initially I WILL NOT TAKE A DRINK! Commitment is important!

One other thing, your meds cant be working very well when your drinking. Since alcohol is a depressant its going to make those anti depressants on effective. With alcohol out of your system they can start working well and with time your depression should lift, if not let your doctor know so they can adjust them for you.

Hoping only for the best for you!

entropy1964

It sounds like the depression and anxiety you are having are, at least in part, caused by alcohol. Once dependence and tolerance are developed one needs the alcohol just to feel 'normal'. And of course your meds won't work properly when you drink with them....so there's that

It can take some time for your brain chemistry to adjust to the lack of alcohol. Have you thought of a medical detox? This can really help ease the symptoms of withdrawal. I'm assuming a dr/psych gives you your meds so maybe ask them about it?

And once you have some dry time I would think your meds would be more effective which should help you. Hang in there. It gets better.

D122y

Hock,

Hi.

You are as welcome here as me.

Helping others helps me w my addiction.

So..imo...The booze damages the brain. It is slow, ensideous.

Drinking once or more a week, replenishes the booze supply in the brain.

The flow goes....drink, drunk, hungover, detox, withdraw...drink, drunk....repeat forever until you die or quit.

After a week or so, we really start to feel the mental anguish from the lack of booze.

We rationalize...I have been good...tough week...it's friday...etc...but really...we are addicted.

It takes months to get over the strong part of this phase of the addiction...unfortunately.

That is why many relapse....over and over and over....

Finally, once the brain is wired for booze....the crave never goes away..it is a chronic condition.

Our ability to defeat the crave strengthens, but some crave for life. I crave daily.

Happiness is there, waiting, in the form of living life drug free, strong, proud, confident, and clean. Ya!

We are not designed to be drunk. It is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.

Delilah1

Welcome Hockeyplayer,

Glad you are here!! The first few days/weeks are definitely a little tough to get through, and often we are dealing with something underlying, like depression.

Have you seen your doctor yet? If not, make an appointment and share about your drinking and depression. Your doctor can help you formulate a plan to address both issues.

I also relied heavily on SR during my first few weeks, and still check in throughout the day. Do you have any other supports in place to help you through this?

I can share that in addition to drinking I have always dealt with anxiety. I used to think drinking was a good stress relief, and would help me be less anxious. However, my anxiety has lessened since getting sober. The beginning was tough, but I promise you it is worth it to stick it out.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!

❤️ Delilah

hockeyplayer28

I think you correct. I just have to make it through the first week or so, and let my meds work correctly, and stay away from the alcohol.

Yes I joined in 2004, and I was quite the binge drinker, but never got into an almost every day habit like I have this time. I could stop before and not feel crappy, now it hits me pretty hard. This too shall pass.

Thanks for the support and advice.

hockeyplayer28

Thank you for the advice Delilah. Yeah I am a little embarrassed to tell my doctor that I have been drinking so much. I may just talk to my Psychiatrist and he can maybe adjust my AD meds, I just hate increasing those, but better than being down. Yesterday I went through a lot of self talk, just telling myself this is your addiction talking, it is all in your head, but I caved and drank anyway. I am heading the right direction for sure though.

wildflower70

Hello Hockyplayer,

I found that after the initial 4-5 days of physical symptoms, I had to tell myself NO MORE! I wanted it, I felt depressed, anxious, stressed, had insomnia, lack of energy, and so on. I made the commitment that no matter how bad I felt mentally, emotionally, or even physically, it was NO MORE. I am coming up on 30 days this week (for the 100th time), and I have been a party animal for 30 years. The feelings must be gone through to get to the other side, and yes, the grass is greener over here!!!
You can do this...You deserve to see the view from sober eyes....it's beautiful.
Blessings

Anna

Hockeyplayer, I also suspect that alcohol is causing your depression and once you get past the first week or so, you will begin to feel better. I believe that this is the disease's way to keep you hooked. The first couple of weeks of sobriety are tough, but it's worth sticking with it because you will feel better.

hockeyplayer28

Made it through the temptation to drink last night, had a bit of insomnia, but I am going bike riding tonight no matter how tired I am. I ride about 17 or 18 miles every other night. Last night, I was exhausted so we took the day off. I am feeling strong, and it a pretty good mood for on 5 hours of sleep.

One day at a time. Still here.

Anna

Good job, Hockeyplayer! I hope you enjoy your bike ride.

january161992

hearing others at meetings talk about their experience, strength and hope helps me

hockeyplayer28

I have been going in spurts of a couple of days of not drinking and feeling crappy then I have a few then I feel depressed about drinking. I just want to stay sober, but stopping drinking gives me or allows my anxiety and depression to come back. I can quit for a couple of days even 3 or 4 and then I am irritable, and anxious. Geesh, how do I break this cycle. I don't think it is severe enough to go to the Dr., but I want to stop and just get through the first couple of weeks or whatever it takes for the symptoms to end.

Sorry, not trying to whine, I really want to stop this cycle. I am just struggling with the symptoms of not drinking at times. Frustrating.

Ooona

Good morning! Good job in coming back here and letting everyone know whats going on!

Yeah my anxiety and depression got worse when I first quit, I think thats part of the whole detox process. I also got super itchy and my sleep was messed up.
The first few days just suck, theres just no way getting around it! Maybe going in somewhere for detox could get you past that 3-4 day vulnerable time, being in a safe place can give you that good starting point?

Irishish

I am only on day 7 but your posts make me think of a sentence I have been repeating to myself...I don't need to feel better, nothing except doing what I know is right is going to accomplish that. But I can try to accept how I feel and do what I know is right in spite of it. I was a stress drinker as well. Sending hope to you!

FLCamper

I think it helps to identify cycles. You know that days 3 and 4 you are vulnerable. Plan ahead for this.
Regarding your comment about telling the Psychiatrist and not your Dr: I told my Dr. No doubt, yours has heard it all before. Mine was very supportive and it was actually a huge relief to share what seemed like such a big secret.

Enjoy the bike ride!

ardy

Hello Hockeyplayer... kiddo you keep empting your thoughts here.. and it will help .. trust all of us.. and go team go... maybe when you are having a down cycle you could do a run.. know that helps some a bunch...

Winslow

Everyone has a feeling of depression/anxiety the first couple of weeks after stopping, get past that and see how you feel, you can do it!

tate9685

Welcome HockeyPlayer. This is the best place to be if you are thinking about quitting the alcohol abuse cycle that you seem to find yourself in. I used to be like you in that I could go 5 days without drinking and then I would cave. Now, I have 71 days and I feel really good. I take anti-depressant medication like you and noticed that it doesnt work well if I am drinking. When you first quit it takes time to feel better. I suggest you get an in person support group too, like AA or a non-secular group like Smart Recovery. The more support you have the more likely you will be able to do this. You need a plan of recovery. There are tons of people here who can help you with that.