keep failing, self sabotage
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
keep failing, self sabotage
So I made a mess of the weekend. today is my day 2 again.
On Friday I came home and just sat for over an hour with my discomfort. from what ive read, the urges should pass and crest like a wave within 20min. But mine don't go away. I gave up and drank after sitting with my discomfort for about 90 min.
I have been to AA and while im there, things are ok. But after the meeting when I go home, the discomfort wins and I drink. I don't call a friend because I want to drink. the urges just take over. I failed this way 3 times at AA, and when I left I think people there thought of me as insincere.
I do want to quit. But on Friday I don't. I don't know how else to explain it. On Saturday morning I feel terrible. And the next time the urges hit I try to remind myself how I felt on Saturday morning. But I feel like my mind when gripped by urges has one and only one prime directive. and its so very hard to just sit with those feelings.
Forgive me for venting but im at the end of my rope. my enemy lives within me. I have lost control. feeling really low right now
On Friday I came home and just sat for over an hour with my discomfort. from what ive read, the urges should pass and crest like a wave within 20min. But mine don't go away. I gave up and drank after sitting with my discomfort for about 90 min.
I have been to AA and while im there, things are ok. But after the meeting when I go home, the discomfort wins and I drink. I don't call a friend because I want to drink. the urges just take over. I failed this way 3 times at AA, and when I left I think people there thought of me as insincere.
I do want to quit. But on Friday I don't. I don't know how else to explain it. On Saturday morning I feel terrible. And the next time the urges hit I try to remind myself how I felt on Saturday morning. But I feel like my mind when gripped by urges has one and only one prime directive. and its so very hard to just sit with those feelings.
Forgive me for venting but im at the end of my rope. my enemy lives within me. I have lost control. feeling really low right now
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 119
I'm so sorry. I feel the exact same way. When I feel like crap after drinking I try to remind myself of how I felt but always have trouble actually telling myself no. I wish I had some advice, but I'm sure someone with a good chunk of sobriety under their belts will chime in here soon. Just wanted to respond to tell you you're not alone. Wishing you all the best.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
On Friday I came home and just sat for over an hour with my discomfort. from what ive read, the urges should pass and crest like a wave within 20min. But mine don't go away. I gave up and drank after sitting with my discomfort for about 90 min.
Get up and walk around, do things, vary your routine.
Use any or all of the tips here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Urge Surfing is one of the techniques. It;s not about sitting with your craving either. It's about trying to remove yourself from the feeling...observing your cravings and moving through it to the other side.
If all else fails try coming here and posting, reading, chatting in the chat room, or even hitting the Arcade here...or going to some meeting based support group - AA is one but there are others.
I guarantee you a craving will pass - even if it seems it has been there forever
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
It could be the same for me...the urges and cravings and discomfort didn't subside for me either initially...I had to learn to shift my mindset, instead of wishing them away.
I learnt sitting with them and to address them, AVRT taught me to talk to my AV and let it know that I would not be drinking. learn those feelings are not facts and recognising HALT helped me to recognise a possible trigger and also getting through the firsts without a drink.
The first few Friday nights without a drink will feel uncomfortable as we change our habits. Eventually after a few Friday nights without drinking that becomes the new normal habit.
I learnt sitting with them and to address them, AVRT taught me to talk to my AV and let it know that I would not be drinking. learn those feelings are not facts and recognising HALT helped me to recognise a possible trigger and also getting through the firsts without a drink.
The first few Friday nights without a drink will feel uncomfortable as we change our habits. Eventually after a few Friday nights without drinking that becomes the new normal habit.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Dee posted a good link. The important thing for me on the beginning was to occupy every minute of the time I would have normally been drinking. I went to the gym, went on walks, read books about recovery, and some just for fun, made plans with my kids, took baths, took an online class. There are many things you can do to help get through that urge. I know if I had just let myself be with my urge quietly waiting for it to pass I would have been uncorking a bottle of wine.
Spend some time reading and write down some supports you can use.
Spend some time reading and write down some supports you can use.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
drash, not drinking in that type of situation is a skill you can learn with some strategies and some practice, as people have indicated. Don't get discouraged, keep after it! It's worth the reward.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Drash,
The discomfort is detox, withdrawals, and mental addiction.
It will get worse and worse. Physical and mental damage escalate slowly.
The only way out is to get through the pain one moment at a time.
Remember we are all addicts. We can be normal again, it takes time and effort.
Thanks.
The discomfort is detox, withdrawals, and mental addiction.
It will get worse and worse. Physical and mental damage escalate slowly.
The only way out is to get through the pain one moment at a time.
Remember we are all addicts. We can be normal again, it takes time and effort.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
This is where planning ahead can be very useful. You know that Friday night is a slippery time for you. Just 'not drinking' isn't really a plan. You're just taking something away. For me, a Friday night meeting is really important. It gives me a focus, and makes me feel like I'm doing something and seeing people rather than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I'll treat myself to take away afterwards. If there are no Friday night meetings what about joining a club or society, or volunteering somewhere, or even getting a little part time job for that evening. Or maybe use that as family time to catch up with parents or other family you may have drifted away from in drinking years. It might even be as simple as planning a get together with a couple of people from the fellowship, or even better, finding a sponsor who'd be willing to do some work with you on a Friday.
Just sitting there waiting for it to go away magically isn't going to work any better this week than last. Sure, the cravings can pass, but not if you sit there giving them all your attention.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Just sitting there waiting for it to go away magically isn't going to work any better this week than last. Sure, the cravings can pass, but not if you sit there giving them all your attention.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 128
Cravings are kinda like pain, in that focusing your attention on it tends to make it worse. Planning a steady stream of distractions can help. In the early "fogginess" days of recovery making to-do lists can help keep you on point. I tend to stay busier if I have an unfinished list staring at me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by drash11 
So I made a mess of the weekend. today is my day 2 again.
On Friday I came home and just sat for over an hour with my discomfort. from what ive read, the urges should pass and crest like a wave within 20min. But mine don't go away. I gave up and drank after sitting with my discomfort for about 90 min.
I have been to AA and while im there, things are ok. But after the meeting when I go home, the discomfort wins and I drink. I don't call a friend because I want to drink. the urges just take over. I failed this way 3 times at AA, and when I left I think people there thought of me as insincere.
I do want to quit. But on Friday I don't. I don't know how else to explain it. On Saturday morning I feel terrible. And the next time the urges hit I try to remind myself how I felt on Saturday morning. But I feel like my mind when gripped by urges has one and only one prime directive. and its so very hard to just sit with those feelings.
Forgive me for venting but im at the end of my rope. my enemy lives within me. I have lost control. feeling really low right now
On Friday I came home and just sat for over an hour with my discomfort. from what ive read, the urges should pass and crest like a wave within 20min. But mine don't go away. I gave up and drank after sitting with my discomfort for about 90 min.
I have been to AA and while im there, things are ok. But after the meeting when I go home, the discomfort wins and I drink. I don't call a friend because I want to drink. the urges just take over. I failed this way 3 times at AA, and when I left I think people there thought of me as insincere.
I do want to quit. But on Friday I don't. I don't know how else to explain it. On Saturday morning I feel terrible. And the next time the urges hit I try to remind myself how I felt on Saturday morning. But I feel like my mind when gripped by urges has one and only one prime directive. and its so very hard to just sit with those feelings.
Forgive me for venting but im at the end of my rope. my enemy lives within me. I have lost control. feeling really low right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
thank you!
Originally Posted by blackened83
This may sound simple but. When the urges hit, i eat a lot and the urges go away for at least 3 or 4 hours which makes the night pass safely. I dont feel like drinking with a full stomach and no sugar need. Try this one for me...
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Unfortunately, there's no way around the fact that you're going to have urges and you're going to have to deal with them. Every time you do and get past them it gets easier. Lots of great suggestions in this thread.
Accept that under no circumstance can you drink.
What used to help me was to make sure I had plans that made it impossible for me to drink on the weekends and I made myself go through with them no matter how I felt.
My signature line says it all. I'll never change it because it's a consistent reminder to myself.
You CAN do this but the choice to drink has to be taken off the table. It's not an option.
Accept that under no circumstance can you drink.
What used to help me was to make sure I had plans that made it impossible for me to drink on the weekends and I made myself go through with them no matter how I felt.
My signature line says it all. I'll never change it because it's a consistent reminder to myself.
You CAN do this but the choice to drink has to be taken off the table. It's not an option.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by drash11
I failed this way 3 times at AA, and when I left I think people there thought of me as insincere.
the old timers ALWAYS welcomed me back with no judgement
keep coming back
you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hey drash, I remember feeling that way. What helped me was going to inpatient rehab. Now, hear me out. I didn't want to go, either. I wasn't "that bad." I didn't drink in the morning, only the evening. My health was good. I wasn't falling over drunk or puking in the toilet. I got dinner on the table every night, did homework with my kids, took them places, etc. But there was always the wine.
When I finally did go away for 7 weeks, there was no temptation b/c I couldn't get alcohol. (Well, duh!) They also gave me librium to help with the anxiety. I know it's weird to say I "enjoyed" rehab, but in a way I did. And after being sober for 7 weeks, I was able to come home and continue the path. I had to break out of my negative habit and find other things to replace the time I spent drinking. I learned how to live (happily) without alcohol.
I'm not saying you should go to rehab. I don't know your situation. But I did learn how to live a peaceful, centered life without drinking....and you can, too!
When I finally did go away for 7 weeks, there was no temptation b/c I couldn't get alcohol. (Well, duh!) They also gave me librium to help with the anxiety. I know it's weird to say I "enjoyed" rehab, but in a way I did. And after being sober for 7 weeks, I was able to come home and continue the path. I had to break out of my negative habit and find other things to replace the time I spent drinking. I learned how to live (happily) without alcohol.
I'm not saying you should go to rehab. I don't know your situation. But I did learn how to live a peaceful, centered life without drinking....and you can, too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
You aren't alone. I've been on that path for two years. But the getting to day 3, 4, 7, even 10 and 30 and starting all over is awful. I am trying 90 meetings in 90 days, and looking into inpatient. I can't take another day 1, it doesn't sound like you can either. I read in Elizabeth Vargas's book that "getting sober is harder than staying sober, why keep repeating the hard part?"
I am taking that to heart and trusting that it does get easier. Finishing day 3 and only going to higher numbers
I am taking that to heart and trusting that it does get easier. Finishing day 3 and only going to higher numbers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by uncorked
Hey drash, I remember feeling that way. What helped me was going to inpatient rehab. Now, hear me out. I didn't want to go, either. I wasn't "that bad." I didn't drink in the morning, only the evening. My health was good. I wasn't falling over drunk or puking in the toilet. I got dinner on the table every night, did homework with my kids, took them places, etc. But there was always the wine.
When I finally did go away for 7 weeks, there was no temptation b/c I couldn't get alcohol. (Well, duh!) They also gave me librium to help with the anxiety. I know it's weird to say I "enjoyed" rehab, but in a way I did. And after being sober for 7 weeks, I was able to come home and continue the path. I had to break out of my negative habit and find other things to replace the time I spent drinking. I learned how to live (happily) without alcohol.
I'm not saying you should go to rehab. I don't know your situation. But I did learn how to live a peaceful, centered life without drinking....and you can, too!
When I finally did go away for 7 weeks, there was no temptation b/c I couldn't get alcohol. (Well, duh!) They also gave me librium to help with the anxiety. I know it's weird to say I "enjoyed" rehab, but in a way I did. And after being sober for 7 weeks, I was able to come home and continue the path. I had to break out of my negative habit and find other things to replace the time I spent drinking. I learned how to live (happily) without alcohol.
I'm not saying you should go to rehab. I don't know your situation. But I did learn how to live a peaceful, centered life without drinking....and you can, too!
Thanks uncorked,
it has been on my mind. It's something I will have to consider if things get worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by blackened83
This may sound simple but. When the urges hit, i eat a lot and the urges go away for at least 3 or 4 hours which makes the night pass safely. I dont feel like drinking with a full stomach and no sugar need. Try this one for me...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Tulsa
Posts: 44
Drash,
You are getting good advice here. The important thing is to do something to break the cycle. Go for a jog, ride a bike. Go somewhere - a movie or anything you might enjoy. Eat an entire chocolate pie - Something!
If that doesn't work then try AA. again. Lots of people in my group come in and out, and they are always welcome. If someone makes a snide remark, mentally tell them to go f*k themselves. It's your life, not theirs. If that doesn't work then try rehab. It has worked for lots of folks.
Stay with it.
You are getting good advice here. The important thing is to do something to break the cycle. Go for a jog, ride a bike. Go somewhere - a movie or anything you might enjoy. Eat an entire chocolate pie - Something!
If that doesn't work then try AA. again. Lots of people in my group come in and out, and they are always welcome. If someone makes a snide remark, mentally tell them to go f*k themselves. It's your life, not theirs. If that doesn't work then try rehab. It has worked for lots of folks.
Stay with it.
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