Realisation80

Let me introduce myself and why I'm here. I'm a 37 year old man. I've got a good home life. I work 4 days a week in a well paid but very stressful job. My problem is evening drinking. I don't want or have anything to drink during the day. My trigger seems to be 8pm lying on the sofa. All the advice you read seems to help you if you go out to bars but that's not the case with me. I started drinking when I was 18. At the end of the working week I would have a 4 pack of beer to celebrate the week being done. As this was a lot of calories I switched to wine. As the years have gone on though I seem to want more and more to get the same kick and do it much more often. On a typical week I don't have a drink Monday or Tuesday. By Wednesday the week feels like it's dragging and I'll usually treat myself to a bottle of wine. On a Thursday I'll usually have a couple of big bottles of beer. Friday I'll have a couple of pints then a bottle of wine. Saturday I'll have a beer bottle of wine and sometimes a couple of g and t's. By Sunday I'm feeling like crap and want to feel better for Monday so will usually stick to a single bottle of wine. I've woke up this morning and feel hungover again. Yet I love the feeling when I get up and haven't drank. I don't want to completely give up drinking, I think my ideal would be to not drink when I'm at home. I'd imagine there are a lot of people in this situation. I don't miss work through illness. As far as I know I'm healthy although haven't had my liver checked, I regularly go to the gym but would see better results without the booze I bet. I just get irritated that my brain seems to change in the 8pm to bedtime window and all I need is alcohol. So my plan is to try and stop drinking at home. In some ways that seems unachievable to me, but then I think that's ridiculous. Tonight I'm going to have sparkling water and see how it goes.

Sorry this is a long post feel free to comment or offer advice. I think I'm writing this to let me look at it written down. I'm hopeful this can help me and others in a similar situation- which I think must be very common. I've never been on a forum so I'm interested to see whether this can offer the support and encouragement I need to try and change. Thanks for reading if you got to the end!

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR

My drinking also increased as I got older. I tended just to drink at home too especially after marriage and with a young child.

My thinking was taken up with trying to control, moderate, counting drinks, what time could I start drinking, only drink on certain days, only on weekends, only have a certain amount in the house and on and on it went.

I realise now that 'normal' drinkers don't have to plan, think and obsess over drinking as I did. The only option for me was to stop drinking completely. It removed the thoughts and the obsession - once it was off the table completely I could rebuild my life. I never realised how much my life outside work revolved around alochol until I took it out of the equation.I hope you stick around here

CajunPrincess

Hi. Welcome!
The latter part of my drinking career was me binge drinking nightly in my apartment alone (well, with my 2 cats...). I too work a job that is known to be very stressful. (it's the nature of the job, and that will never change.) I basically had a nightly ritual for my drinking when I'd get off each night. The hardest part about becoming sober was breaking that nightly habit. It was my crutch.

In the beginnings of my drinking, I would go out all the time. I made it to the "drinking alone at home stage" pretty quickly. I know that I cannot just not drink at home. I cannot drink anywhere. Whenever I would get drinks with someone in public, I'd probably drink more than I should, but I could not WAIT to get home so I could really get blitzed without anyone observing. Hey, maybe you just are a problem drinker and let things get out of hand for a little bit. Maybe you CAN drink in public settings only and be fine. But I know if I tried to just limit my drinking to a certain setting/scenario, my mind/body will be ITCHING to go further and further and further.

Dee74

Hi Realisation80

most of us will tell you the problem is drinking full stop, not drinking at home....

but if you really feel that it's just more like a bad habit, then why not quit drinking at all for 2 or 3 months, change your routine, keep busy, stop zoning out in front of the TV or whatever other behaviors that lend themselves to drinking...and see how you go?

D

D122y

Real,

Imo....Your drinking pattern reflects a fairly med to high alcohol addiction.

Physically and mentally.

Go about 2 weeks clean and see how your stress ramps up.

Your job is more stressful because of your addiction.

Get clean. Change your life a bit. Stay clean.

Read and post here alot. SR saved my life.

Mklove

[QUOTE=Realisation80;6166522]Let me introduce myself and why I'm here. I'm a 37 year old man. I've got a good home life. I work 4 days a week in a well paid but very stressful job. My problem is evening drinking. I don't want or have anything to drink during the day. My trigger seems to be 8pm lying on the sofa. All the advice you read seems to help you if you go out to bars but that's not the case with me. I started drinking when I was 18. At the end of the working week I would have a 4 pack of beer to celebrate the week being done. As this was a lot of calories I switched to wine. As the years have gone on though I seem to want more and more to get the same kick and do it much more often. On a typical week I don't have a drink Monday or Tuesday. By Wednesday the week feels like it's dragging and I'll usually treat myself to a bottle of wine. On a Thursday I'll usually have a couple of big bottles of beer. Friday I'll have a couple of pints then a bottle of wine. Saturday I'll have a beer bottle of wine and sometimes a couple of g and t's. By Sunday I'm feeling like crap and want to feel better for Monday so will usually stick to a single bottle of wine. I've woke up this morning and feel hungover again. Yet I love the feeling when I get up and haven't drank. I don't want to completely give up drinking, I think my ideal would be to not drink when I'm at home. I'd imagine there are a lot of people in this situation. I don't miss work through illness. As far as I know I'm healthy although haven't had my liver checked, I regularly go to the gym but would see better results without the booze I bet. I just get irritated that my brain seems to change in the 8pm to bedtime window and all I need is alcohol. So my plan is to try and stop drinking at home. In some ways that seems unachievable to me, but then I think that's ridiculous. Tonight I'm going to have sparkling water and see how it goes.

I was drunk after 5 every night at home. Had fun, laughed a lot more but all the while pickling my liver. I watched the crowds of New Orleans last night from sober eyes. It feels good to be sober. I feel stronger in mind and body. You will too.......

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Realisation!!

HTown

Realisation,

I am new to this forum, around 8 months sober. Like you, I drank about the same every night. High stress job, good money. My reward was alcohol, but alcohol stopped being a reward. It became more of a punishment. The guilt, the shame, the hangovers!

I have zero regrets about giving up alcohol. No one ever says "gee I wish I had drank last night..." when they wake up.

I feel better than I have in years. I am happier, despite the loss of my wife to cancer about a year ago; alcohol does not help with grief, better at my job, sleep great, more present for those I love, basically I stopped Mortgaging my future. What is the point of working for my retiremet to die early due to alcohol?

Give it up, invest in yourself, love yourself. I did not love myself using alcohol. I don't beat myself up anymore for a nightly ritual.

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Realisation80!

Jimuk

Welcome to SR.

Algorithm

Your tolerance will not decrease unless you abstain completely, or your liver starts to malfunction. If you keep drinking as you are, regardless of the location, your tolerance will probably go up, and your drinking will possibly become more unpredictable.

You can lower your tolerance by abstaining for some time (about three months), but you will always run the risk of building tolerance if you start drinking again regularly. I know because I stopped many times, and started many times. Kind of like Mark Twain -- "I've done it a thousand times."

I would recommend that you quit entirely, as I wish I had before it got worse. If not for good, stop drinking for a year, and then re-assess if you really need the alcohol. I would wager that your life will improve, or that you will know just how dependent you really are by trying this.

Delilah1

Hi and Welcome to SR!

Like you, I drank at home. I have a stressful job, and three kids and I had myself convinced that I had earned that wine at the end of the day, and that it helped me to distress.

Looking back, it caused more stress because I wasn't fully present at home with my kids, and my thinking was often foggy, rather than clear like now. I have a little over nine months sober and I can promise you sobriety is worth it.

Try planning something else at 8:00, even if it is going to sleep early for a bit. You could also look for a class at the local community college, or at the gym, exercising the body/mind is another good way to take up your time.

Hevyn

Great to have you join us, Realisation! I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life. It's good to be here with others who understand.

Realisation80

Thank you for all the replies. It's nice to hear all the positive stories and quite hard hitting to realise that I do have a problem with alcohol. I failed miserably on Sunday even after all my positive thinking. I had a hard day and we met with friends. Wine was flowing freely and yet again I had too much. I went to work feeling terrible yesterday- as it happens I'm awake now because I think I've possibly got flu or a bad cold but I can guarantee that the drinking on Sunday didn't help whether directly or indirectly. Luckily I didn't have anything last night because I felt so rough. But reading all the comments about life without drink does inspire me. I'm intelligent and know that it's so bad yet struggle to stop. I'm going to take each day as it comes and keep reading this forum. I have a fear of an evening without alcohol yet I can't really think of one good thing about it. Just seems complete madness.

melki

It is madness! Now I know that life without alcohol is very liberating, but I remember being scared of it. For me, too, after years of bargaining, moderating, and hanging on to alcohol in one way or the other, complete full stop became the final answer. Getting rid of alcohol dramatically improved my life. It was scary, but more than worth it.

Best wishes, Realization, welcome to the forum, stick around! Be honest with yourself. Keep reading and posting, you will find a lot of good information and support here.

Delilah1

Glad you came right back today. I avoided places where alcohol was for the first few weeks. I didn't trust myself not to drink if it was in front of me. It might be a good idea to try this for a bit. There are also lots of different support groups: AA, Smart, Life Ring if you are struggling to do this on your own.

Hope to continue to see you on here, those sober days will start to add up and you will start to feel better each day.

ReadyAtLast

The ambivalence you describe is very well explained in the Rational Recovery AVRT book by Jack Trimpey. When I read it it was like a light bulb moment! It made sense and still does. Maybe google it and see what you think. Reading it really helped me get through the cravings and early days because I better understood what and why it was happening.

TulsaGentleman

Check around and see if there is an AA meeting (or similar) that meets at 7 or 8 in the evening. Attend that instead of drinking. It will break the pattern and may be of more help than you realize. It will also give you personal contact with others who will totally understand your situation.

D122y

It is not a fail or madness...it is addiction.

Just like a crack head or heroin addict...except booze doesn't destroy you as fast.

Booze is legal and commonplace, but it is highly addictive.

It is a govt conspiracy...the govt makes money off the first sip you take, the rehab, the meds, and the coffin nails....but...that topic is for another thread...

Get clean. Change your life a bit to be content without booze. Stay clean.

Thanks.