I am so angry, but I am not going to drink.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
I am so angry, but I am not going to drink.
The title says it all. I am so angry, I am shaking.
Going to shorten this as much as possible. I would like clarification... am I doing the right thing or just being paranoid?
Sorry in advance if this post is a hot, scattered mess.
I was in a type of on/off relationship for 3-ish years. I've been in relationships, and this is the only guy that I really REALLY connected/clicked with... the only guy I've met that I could see myself marrying. He became my best friend.
Over the course of these years, we have both screwed up. It doesn't excuse my behavior AT ALL, but all of the MAIN mistakes I made in the relationship were in the beginning and due to my alcohol use.
Also - in the beginning of our relationship, he never would say "Oh yea we are dating" or make any type of commitment, I guess you could say. So yea, I saw other guys because he made things seem so very loosed ended. He considers that as cheating. I do not because at the time, he made it seem like we were not really together.
Fast forward a year or two and we are together TOGETHER, but last year is when I started getting a lot of red flags. He started "talking" and hanging out with another girl (in a more than platonic way)... after I discovered that and it blew up, we ended things then got back together. During the latter part of the relationship, he would accidentally send me texts that were meant for a different girl. At first, he would lie about it, but then he would own up to it.
Fast forward... we break up in June and have been separated since then. We still text, and I know he wants to be with me. I have been stressing out about this FOR SO LONG... "was it a toxic relationship?" "did we both screw up and just need to pick ourselves up and move past it together?" etc... And then he sends me one of those accidental texts tonight that was not meant for me. "I live south of town... maybe we could meet up near downtown somewhere." He really doesn't have that many friends here. His family knows where he lives, so it is obviously not someone he knows all that well. Due to his past record, I can only assume it was another girl. He says "Way to jump to conclusions." But I have noticed he is a good liar and manipulator. I have ALWAYS been the manipulator, as terrible as that sounds, (Well that's what being an active addict does). I have always been able to pick out when someone is bull ******** me, but I cannot tell with him.
I just feel so stupid for continuing to let him be in my life if he's trying to pursue other women. I've TOLD him "Hey, if you just want to be with other women, blah blah blah, then please let me know, and don't put me through that again." He tells me he only wants to be with me, but with this most recent accidental text, I find it very very hard to believe.
I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm shaking.
But I am not going to drink.
I know it's not going to do anything but make me feel worse.
But guys, am I just being way way paranoid? Or should I just block him completely from my phone so he can't even contact me with some type of bull**** excuse? Just cut him out of my life completely?
I don't know what to think or believe about him anymore. I'm just ready to make a decision so I can stop stressing over whether or not I should be with him.
Going to shorten this as much as possible. I would like clarification... am I doing the right thing or just being paranoid?
Sorry in advance if this post is a hot, scattered mess.
I was in a type of on/off relationship for 3-ish years. I've been in relationships, and this is the only guy that I really REALLY connected/clicked with... the only guy I've met that I could see myself marrying. He became my best friend.
Over the course of these years, we have both screwed up. It doesn't excuse my behavior AT ALL, but all of the MAIN mistakes I made in the relationship were in the beginning and due to my alcohol use.
Also - in the beginning of our relationship, he never would say "Oh yea we are dating" or make any type of commitment, I guess you could say. So yea, I saw other guys because he made things seem so very loosed ended. He considers that as cheating. I do not because at the time, he made it seem like we were not really together.
Fast forward a year or two and we are together TOGETHER, but last year is when I started getting a lot of red flags. He started "talking" and hanging out with another girl (in a more than platonic way)... after I discovered that and it blew up, we ended things then got back together. During the latter part of the relationship, he would accidentally send me texts that were meant for a different girl. At first, he would lie about it, but then he would own up to it.
Fast forward... we break up in June and have been separated since then. We still text, and I know he wants to be with me. I have been stressing out about this FOR SO LONG... "was it a toxic relationship?" "did we both screw up and just need to pick ourselves up and move past it together?" etc... And then he sends me one of those accidental texts tonight that was not meant for me. "I live south of town... maybe we could meet up near downtown somewhere." He really doesn't have that many friends here. His family knows where he lives, so it is obviously not someone he knows all that well. Due to his past record, I can only assume it was another girl. He says "Way to jump to conclusions." But I have noticed he is a good liar and manipulator. I have ALWAYS been the manipulator, as terrible as that sounds, (Well that's what being an active addict does). I have always been able to pick out when someone is bull ******** me, but I cannot tell with him.
I just feel so stupid for continuing to let him be in my life if he's trying to pursue other women. I've TOLD him "Hey, if you just want to be with other women, blah blah blah, then please let me know, and don't put me through that again." He tells me he only wants to be with me, but with this most recent accidental text, I find it very very hard to believe.
I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm shaking.
But I am not going to drink.
I know it's not going to do anything but make me feel worse.
But guys, am I just being way way paranoid? Or should I just block him completely from my phone so he can't even contact me with some type of bull**** excuse? Just cut him out of my life completely?
I don't know what to think or believe about him anymore. I'm just ready to make a decision so I can stop stressing over whether or not I should be with him.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I would cut him out of my life so I wouldn't receive any more 'accidental' texts. It does sound very toxic. You deserve way way better than this guy 
you can't change the way he is but you can decide if you want to put up with this for the rest of your life.
Good on you for not drinking over him.
you can't change the way he is but you can decide if you want to put up with this for the rest of your life.Good on you for not drinking over him.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Sounds way too much like someone I wasted EIGHT years of my life over. I'm a very slow learner.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you already know the answer. He sounds manipulative and dishonest. That's the sort of drama filled push-pull relationship we have when we are active in addiction. You don't want or need that in your life now that you're in recovery.
Have strength, girlfriend.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you already know the answer. He sounds manipulative and dishonest. That's the sort of drama filled push-pull relationship we have when we are active in addiction. You don't want or need that in your life now that you're in recovery.
Have strength, girlfriend.
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