Day Two of Sobriety
 

I am 43 years old and married 22 years. We live in suburbs north of the Dallas area. We have a 21 year old daughter in college who lives on her own and a 15 year old son who is a freshman in high school. My 21 year old daughter is also living with us. I am a masters-degreed professional and work from home full time. My husband is in school full time and works full time, so I handle just about all of the chores, errands, and parenting around here right now.

I grew up with parents who did not drink at all. When I went off to college at 20, I was suddenly in a new world of lots of alcohol all the time. In college, I was more of a typical weekend binge drinker, not one who drank every day.

Fast forward to about 13 years ago - we were struggling financially and ended up living with my father-in-law for about a year and a half. He is an alcoholic, and I started having a few drinks with him every single night. Since then, I've had a few periods of time where I didn't drink for a week or so, but for the most part I have been a nightly drinker.

When my sister died at 44 years old about 5 years ago, I definitely increased the amount of alcohol I was consuming, just coping with the loss.

And now, this past 8 or 9 months, it's gotten much worse. My husband and I drink with our best friends every Saturday night, but I've been drinking secretly every other night, too. I hide vodka and sneak a big serving into my water bottle with water several times a night. I've started pouring that first nip in the water bottle earlier and earlier each day. Often, my first drink would be on the way to pick my niece up from work or pick my son up from school. I rationalized it was just the first drink, so I wasn't driving drunk, right? That was the last place I had to go for the day, so I'd be fine. Now a few times, I have started getting drunk during the day on weekends. My husband works every weekend, and the kids are always occupied. I'd have breakfast, take care of my chores or shopping, and drink for a few hours. Then pass out for a long nap, wake up and drink for the evening. So far I have resisted drinking while I am working, but I'm terrified that's my next step. I am the breadwinner while my husband finishes school, so if I lost my job, we would be in major financial despair.

Most nights, the conversations and events that happen at home are a blur if not just a complete blackout. I don't remember what shows we watched. My family says they have told me something that I've forgotten, My husband thanks me for great sex. I don't remember passing out in the chair or going to bed. I can't remember any of it, and it's scary.

For several years, I remember waking up every single morning disgusted with myself and telling myself today was the day I would be alcohol-free. By late afternoon, I was either headed to the liquor store or scrounging for some leftovers in a bottle somewhere.

My name is Rebecca J, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Rebecca and welcome!

I'm glad you know you need to stop drinking. Blackouts are terribly scary. I had them during the last months of my drinking and I have never forgotten them. I think having a plan for how to stop drinking is the best way to begin. If you look around here you will see lots of different ways that people recover. My suggestion for the early days is to shake up your routine. Change your weekend plans completely to help get through the days. You can do this!

Hi, Rebeccaj. Welcome. Lots of good support here. My drinking, much like yours, was progressive. First a drink or two at night, and occasionally on the week-end. Then it was every night and every weekend day. Then it was starting around 4:00 when i was done with school. Didn't stop until I rolled into bed. I didn't remember stuff after a certain time of night. Hated to go out in the evening because I was afraid my drinking would show. I finally decided to do something when my husband confronted me and expressed his worry and fear about how much alcohol I was consuming.
I went to an AA meeting the next day. Have you considered AA? Folks there are incredibly supportive . Full disclosure: I didn't stay with AA beyond my first year of sobriety, but I shall be forever grateful to the program for helping in the early days.

Well congratulations on your two days sober I have two friends who recently went back out and can't even get 2 minutes keep doing what you doing Bob

Welcome to SR Rebecca, many of us can relate to such a pattern. I give you great credit for recognizing it because many of us (myself) did not. You will do yourself a big favor by putting this behind you...quickly. Congrats on 2 days.

Hi Rebecca! It's great to have you join us.

I was behaving the same way towards the end of my drinking career. It became a nightmare - never fun anymore. I was drinking all day when I came to SR, totally dependent on it. The people here helped me find the courage to change my life. You can do it! Congratulations for wanting a better & healthier life - two days is a wonderful beginning.

welcome, Rebecca J.
and congratulations on your decision and day two.
as you know, a decision alone doesn't cut it for you...you have that experience. i do, too.
what are your thoughts on how/what to add to it?

Welcome to the Forum Rebecca!! :wave:

Your post reminded me a lot of the life I used to lead - but there is hope :)

Coming to SR was a real turning point for me Rebecca - welcome :)

D

Congratulations on day 2 Rebecca! Sobriety is such a precious thing-keep it up. SR is a wonderful resource for getting and staying sober. Best wishes to you.

You have two more days than me and I'm jealous.
Thanks for sharing your story.